Ugh, I've been wretched. Wretched. No one appreciates how much copy editors need white-out pens. I've worked from home each day this week, sometimes taking my work to my couch and lying there and copy editing it wretchedly. But I soldiered on, because you know how stoic I am. Today I am going to attempt … Continue reading Hello. My name is Sister June Montoya. Prepare to die.

When I finally dragged my dead self out of bed today, I forgot I'd decorated for Christmas and I was all, Why's it so fekkin' cheery in here? Hi. I'm back from my trip to Michigan. I caught a cold. I'm blaming planes. Both trips, I had dramatic plane changes at major airports--Detroit and Chicago--where … Continue reading A cold day in December

Today is going to be sort of an odd day. At 9:00, I get my hair colored. Then at 1:45, I scream off to another salon to get my hair cut. I have to go to special curly-girl places to get my hair cut. What can I tell you? You've seen the hair. You know … Continue reading United Hairlines

Well, here we are again. Monday. But for those of us in America anyway (here's where June acts like she's an international star with readers worldwide*), this is going to be a weird week, with most of us getting one day off and some of us, like me, working Monday only and then traveling. So … Continue reading the e.e. cummings of realty

I know I haven't written in a few days, and it's because I'm very busy feeling nervous. I've got a health thing I won't know the answer to until MID-DECEMBER, so meanwhile I have to carry on, which BTW is my very worst trait, carrying on is, but I thought I might as well try. … Continue reading Free to our guests

Brace yourself: When I sat down here to write you, my computer told me it has more updates. In other less-predictable news, Edsel got his heart medicine one month ago today. One of the bottles had a month's supply in it, and today there are exactly two pills left. He got his morning pill just … Continue reading Let It Go

Before I start writing you, I have to strap Laila Ali to my head. I linked to her hair dryer just now, in case you just got here and you're picturing Muhammad Ali's daughter literally strapped to my head, and I see her dryer has been discontinued. What happens when this one breaks? Don't you … Continue reading Last Xmas, I gave you my blog

Someone in the comments yesterday asked if we could have question day today and seeing as I have to dash off to the doctor, let's do so. (I have a mysterious mole. It has a Russian accent, first of all. I made this appointment months ago, but now with Iris's vet appointment, going to Edsel's … Continue reading Question Mark and the Mysterians

Do you know what I hate? {Everyone sighs and heads to get their scroll of Things June Hates, now held in a special case in the Hate Room} I sat down to write you, and realized I didn't have my phone. Usually I plug it in here so the photos I took the day before … Continue reading UTItunes

Here's a mistake I made. Do you like Reddit? I like Reddit. This weekend, I started reading a Reddit thread that asked, "If you signed an NDA and it's expired, what exciting thing can you reveal now?" There were the usual "This celebrity is a jerk" and "This corporation is ripping you off," nothing terribly … Continue reading Batgrrrrrl

Here is my soaking-wet hair at 7:34 a.m. Let's blog a bit and see if it gets remotely dry as we speak. My theory is it'll look just the same after. It'll start to look dry by about 11:00. This does not bode well for the corporate ladder. Alternatively I could blow it dry and … Continue reading 47 gets bandied about a lot

Yesterday felt like one of those days where you never get to stop running around both at lunch and after work. I hate days like that. My whole goal is to get to the sit-around part. That's my finish line. Among other annoying things, I was trying to find a lock for my water spout … Continue reading Tea parties and teeth

Long ago, when my Uncle Jim was still alive, he shot and killed someone. He was a cop, my uncle was, and when the story first broke in the newspaper, they didn't identify who the policeman was, and my first reaction was, Those damn racist cops. Then I heard more of the story: The man … Continue reading Times you were a jerk

Yesterday at lunch, I ordered Panera (grain bowl) and right now I've just turned on the oven to warm up that ridiculous loaf of bread they give you. It's not good unless you warm it. Otherwise it's a sad hard cold chunk of white bread you can't chew unless you're a mastodon. I guess mastodons … Continue reading Breakfast in prison

I like to wake up and drink a full 8-ounce bottle of water right away, so I'm ahead of myself in the water department. But today, as I was chugging my water standing before the fridge, I could feel my throat was a little sore. Then I was just leaning over getting something out of … Continue reading Cold front

I don't know about you, but in my religion, yesterday was a holiday. We call it Hall-o-weeeeen. I'm like the old menus at Taco Bell where they showed you phonetically how to pronounce burrito (burr-eee-toe). Some of my coworkers dressed up, as we have a costume contest that I 100% missed because I got distracted. … Continue reading June passes on the wind

What was your favorite Halloween costume? Favorite candy to get? Least-favorite? If you could dress up in any costume, what would it be?

I feel like I have many small things to catch you up on, so I will divide today's hard-hitting post into categories. Some PigMy phone, home computer, and computer at work are all hooked up now in an Apple way, through no fault of my own except probably I clicked something that told the Apple … Continue reading June somes it up

My cereal assures me it contains "onyx sorghum" and thank god for it. I've been clamoring for some onyx sorghum. Don't you hate it when people call it "breakfast cereal"? What the hell else would it be? Oh, we sat down to some dinner cereal for Thanksgiving. Had us some Sugar Pops and gravy. Anyway. … Continue reading Poker? I don’t even know her.

People who just look at Facebook/Instagram and never post anything are just taking and not giving. It irks me. The rest of us aren't just there to entertain you, you know. You're supposed to contribute, too. That reminds me: My new sign off every day is going to be, "You don't have to give an … Continue reading Anyway, ho