Here's a mistake I made. Do you like Reddit? I like Reddit. This weekend, I started reading a Reddit thread that asked, "If you signed an NDA and it's expired, what exciting thing can you reveal now?" There were the usual "This celebrity is a jerk" and "This corporation is ripping you off," nothing terribly … Continue reading Batgrrrrrl

Here is my soaking-wet hair at 7:34 a.m. Let's blog a bit and see if it gets remotely dry as we speak. My theory is it'll look just the same after. It'll start to look dry by about 11:00. This does not bode well for the corporate ladder. Alternatively I could blow it dry and … Continue reading 47 gets bandied about a lot

Yesterday felt like one of those days where you never get to stop running around both at lunch and after work. I hate days like that. My whole goal is to get to the sit-around part. That's my finish line. Among other annoying things, I was trying to find a lock for my water spout … Continue reading Tea parties and teeth

Long ago, when my Uncle Jim was still alive, he shot and killed someone. He was a cop, my uncle was, and when the story first broke in the newspaper, they didn't identify who the policeman was, and my first reaction was, Those damn racist cops. Then I heard more of the story: The man … Continue reading Times you were a jerk

Yesterday at lunch, I ordered Panera (grain bowl) and right now I've just turned on the oven to warm up that ridiculous loaf of bread they give you. It's not good unless you warm it. Otherwise it's a sad hard cold chunk of white bread you can't chew unless you're a mastodon. I guess mastodons … Continue reading Breakfast in prison

I like to wake up and drink a full 8-ounce bottle of water right away, so I'm ahead of myself in the water department. But today, as I was chugging my water standing before the fridge, I could feel my throat was a little sore. Then I was just leaning over getting something out of … Continue reading Cold front

I don't know about you, but in my religion, yesterday was a holiday. We call it Hall-o-weeeeen. I'm like the old menus at Taco Bell where they showed you phonetically how to pronounce burrito (burr-eee-toe). Some of my coworkers dressed up, as we have a costume contest that I 100% missed because I got distracted. … Continue reading June passes on the wind

What was your favorite Halloween costume? Favorite candy to get? Least-favorite? If you could dress up in any costume, what would it be?

I feel like I have many small things to catch you up on, so I will divide today's hard-hitting post into categories. Some PigMy phone, home computer, and computer at work are all hooked up now in an Apple way, through no fault of my own except probably I clicked something that told the Apple … Continue reading June somes it up

My cereal assures me it contains "onyx sorghum" and thank god for it. I've been clamoring for some onyx sorghum. Don't you hate it when people call it "breakfast cereal"? What the hell else would it be? Oh, we sat down to some dinner cereal for Thanksgiving. Had us some Sugar Pops and gravy. Anyway. … Continue reading Poker? I don’t even know her.

People who just look at Facebook/Instagram and never post anything are just taking and not giving. It irks me. The rest of us aren't just there to entertain you, you know. You're supposed to contribute, too. That reminds me: My new sign off every day is going to be, "You don't have to give an … Continue reading Anyway, ho

I'm the least-athletic person you know. No. Really. I'm sure I've told you that in elementary school, there was this poor lunking girl also named June who was somehow touched in the head. I'd like to think nowadays she'd have gotten more help. She was sort of out of it, and also she had really … Continue reading Fit

I'm doing something I haven't done in awhile. No, not sex, ya bastard. I'm using my Laila Ali hair dryer. It always dried my hair all funny, so I stopped using it, but I woke up from 3:00 to 4:00 last night, so I reset the alarm to not go off till 7:00, which means … Continue reading Insert pith here

Most nights, before I actually go to sleep, I get into bed and read awhile. Sometimes I look at my phone, which I'm certain is excellent for my circadian rhythms. Edsel always accompanies me, but he accompanies me anywhere. I just heard him sit down with a flump behind me, in fact. I barely notice … Continue reading Flashing my baby blue. Also, Milhous is a tense sleeper.

It's a foggy day here; I like foggy days. I tried to photograph it for you but by the time I went back in, fed the cats, texted a company about something they charged me for, got my phone and came back out, the fog had lifted and all that was left was Edsel holding … Continue reading Legenda

Current mood: Furious. Hang on. Lemme get some socks. It's COLD up in here. ...Okay. Now that I have on lavender fluffy socks I can really get angry. As you know, from your Big Book of June Events, the guy next door has no water or power. He did have all those things because he … Continue reading A Salt and Battery.

As I mentioned earlier this week--and does this seem to be the most endless everlasting gobstopper week ever?--I've had somewhere extra that I'm scheduled to be all week. On Saturday morning, I had a date. We hated each other. On Sunday afternoon, another date. We, too, hated each other. For awhile I kept a list … Continue reading I’m serene June, your spa director.

We've known each other for quite a while now, and I think you've likely surmised that I am a cranky but decent human. When I'm dealing with doctors and veterinarians and dentists and people of that ilk, I try to be likable. I do this so that people will like me. Usually on my insides … Continue reading The one where June is the worst

I am being driven completely berserk by the fact that I can smell cat pee somewhere in this house. I notice it most in this room, and I am forever in here kneeling and sniffing the floor. If the neighbors are looking in they are now convinced I am spending an inordinate amount of time … Continue reading Pipi de chat

Since May, I have been going to a personal trainer, which explains my stunning physique. Before our first meeting, she asked, "Do you have a problem with dogs? Mine likes to be in the room while people work out, but if you don't like them, I'll put him upstairs before you arrive." I guess you … Continue reading Otis