Most nights, before I actually go to sleep, I get into bed and read awhile. Sometimes I look at my phone, which I'm certain is excellent for my circadian rhythms. Edsel always accompanies me, but he accompanies me anywhere. I just heard him sit down with a flump behind me, in fact. I barely notice … Continue reading Flashing my baby blue. Also, Milhous is a tense sleeper.

It's a foggy day here; I like foggy days. I tried to photograph it for you but by the time I went back in, fed the cats, texted a company about something they charged me for, got my phone and came back out, the fog had lifted and all that was left was Edsel holding … Continue reading Legenda

Current mood: Furious. Hang on. Lemme get some socks. It's COLD up in here. ...Okay. Now that I have on lavender fluffy socks I can really get angry. As you know, from your Big Book of June Events, the guy next door has no water or power. He did have all those things because he … Continue reading A Salt and Battery.

As I mentioned earlier this week--and does this seem to be the most endless everlasting gobstopper week ever?--I've had somewhere extra that I'm scheduled to be all week. On Saturday morning, I had a date. We hated each other. On Sunday afternoon, another date. We, too, hated each other. For awhile I kept a list … Continue reading I’m serene June, your spa director.

We've known each other for quite a while now, and I think you've likely surmised that I am a cranky but decent human. When I'm dealing with doctors and veterinarians and dentists and people of that ilk, I try to be likable. I do this so that people will like me. Usually on my insides … Continue reading The one where June is the worst

I am being driven completely berserk by the fact that I can smell cat pee somewhere in this house. I notice it most in this room, and I am forever in here kneeling and sniffing the floor. If the neighbors are looking in they are now convinced I am spending an inordinate amount of time … Continue reading Pipi de chat

Since May, I have been going to a personal trainer, which explains my stunning physique. Before our first meeting, she asked, "Do you have a problem with dogs? Mine likes to be in the room while people work out, but if you don't like them, I'll put him upstairs before you arrive." I guess you … Continue reading Otis

I don't want you to get excited or anything, but since starting my diet this week, I've lost a pound and two ounces. I should totally do before and after pictures where I hold out m'pants. I think it's because I was already seeing a trainer, but I'm vv motivated this time around. I am … Continue reading June weighs in

Here's my problem, and I'd like to once again point out that it's delightful that I keep identifying just the one. Here's my problem du jour. Du life. I woke up a few moments before the alarm, and that's not a problem. That's good. But what I did, then, was once it went off, is … Continue reading ADD it up

When you read that someone "collapsed" somewhere---and why do only celebrities seem to collapse?---what do you picture? Why do only celebrities get "exhaustion"? I just picture their knees buckling and them going straight down, when they collapse. I imagine it's less dramatic than all that, but the word "collapse" is pretty dramatic in and of … Continue reading All the leaves are brown

When I was younger, and the grandmother I turned into was still alive and I hadn't turned into her yet, she used to call me. "It looks like it's pouring the rain where you are," she'd say, or, "You must be so warm right now." I'd be all...oh, is it? Is it hot? Is it … Continue reading 90

I'm a busy person these next few days, but I wanted to write when I could. Here's what I've been wondering: Where in life do you feel you've failed? Raising your kids? At work? With money? I've failed at romance. I'm not good at it. Feel free to sign in anonymously. (For the eighty hundredth … Continue reading Where have you failed?

Have I told you about the guy next door? He's lived there all his life. I have this narrow, weird opening in my shed because when the guy next door was a kid, the people who lived here (same people who sold me the house) had a dog that they apparently never let in. I … Continue reading Urban pioneer girl

Edsel and I slept in, because the world is our oyster. But since I can't blog today at length, let me ask the question I adore: What's the most old-man sandwich you can think of?

Here's Howard Stern's problem: He got too emotionally healthy and he lost his edge. He used to be unhappily married, and he lashed out at every other celebrity, and he was generally angry and he was hilarious. Then he started going to therapy four days a week---and I imagine he went to a really good … Continue reading And another thing: If you tell me to put my hands together I will literally just put them together unmoving and think I’m hilarious.

If you're the nervous type, Iris is okay. Now you can go on with your day and you don't have to read any more of my drivel. Before I closed the door forever on writing for Purple Clover, I once saw someone refer to a piece I wrote as, "This dribble." I'm sorry to tell … Continue reading [*as dramatic as possible]

I'm taking Iris to the vet before work. I'll write more as soon as I can! XOJune

Well, my first and second full days back at work were without incident. I still wake up with a slight headache every day, which annoys me and is probably a tumor. The other news is I'm vv worried about Iris. She's so sick. I've taken her to the vet three times. Not only does she … Continue reading Tag, you’re it

I'm back! You've no idea how delightful it is to plug my phone into the computer and sit down with my coffee, dog's snout on my lap. ...Turns out, his snout was on my lap because he wanted to go outside. That dog doesn't love me one bit. He and Milhous seem to have an … Continue reading June is back and the same-er than ever

Here has been my life since my August 21 auto accident NOW WITH CONCUSSION: I took a whole buncha pictures of my feet at every single doctor and chiropractor appointment I've had these last weeks. Today, after I saw the doctor again and could finally turn my computer back on and upload all those iPhone … Continue reading June actually looks at her computer. Also, 50385204822 kitten photos.