My father has one sister: my Aunt Mary. My Aunt Mary is 15 or 16 years older than me; I can never remember exactly. So when I was a little kid, she was a teenager. Despite this, she was always nice to me, no matter what. As I got older, she used to take me … Continue reading The story of my family and my childhood zoo

^^^ This is happening right now on my desktop computer. I think it's updating. I know I've mentioned this before, but why must everything need updating every five minutes? So I'll update you (see what I did there?) on the thrills of my life by speaking into the phone, from the comfort of my leather … Continue reading June types you from a chair. June is fascinating.

I get the feeling that John Wayne Bobbitt was an unpleasant person. I say this because I have just spent a few nights watching a documentary on the Bobbitts, called Lorena. I of course remember the Bobbitt situation, because, as someone in the movie pointed out, 200 million women alive today have had their genitals … Continue reading An unfiltered woman trying to heal, while rejecting anyone who tries to help her

I can't help about the shape I'm in, I look tired I ain't pretty and m'lips are thin All I can remember about this weekend is running about and sweating. It was 90 all weekend. I even turned the AC on after I got faint at the grocer's. I say "grocer's" now like it's 1962. … Continue reading “Tell us about your weekend, June” — No one

Yes, I'd like a cup with Ss coming out of it? Dear Paula H&B:Every time this cup is clean, I use it first. It's definitely my favorite coffee cup RN. There is nothing wrong with having a favorite coffee cup and it does not at all mean my life is sad. I was at a … Continue reading We are happy to serve you

I don't mean to overstimulate you this early in the post, but I've just tried new shampoo and conditioner. I'm in a few June-hair support groups on Facebook, and women are forever showing up there with flawless curls listing all the things they used in it while I read from under my head of Phil … Continue reading The Ann-Margret of Greensboro

[BEFORE I BEGIN: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ENTER AN EMAIL ADDRESS TO LEAVE A COMMENT.] I've heard the months for nearly perfect weather here are May and October. I have found that to be true. May is to North Carolina what July is to Michigan--the days are warm and breezy and lovely most of … Continue reading My gift is my blog and this one’s for you. Here’s the return receipt.

This weekend I went everywhere and did everything and everyone, so let's begin. Every year at this time a coworker, who does not wish to be on my blog, has a party. Technically it's her b-i-r-t-h-d-a-y but she's low key about that part, so it's just, you know, a party. I have gone to it … Continue reading A paragraph of copy editors: June’s weekend review.

For the last two days at work, I've dedicated self to one very detailed project, punctuated by nerve-wracking, "How's it going?" emails that are nerve-wracking, did I mention? Anyway, that's what I've been up to, and I do enjoy one long detailed project, actually. I find it sort of soothing. But after 16 hours, I … Continue reading Down with OPP

I have such exciting news: I accidentally bought a Stouffer's frozen dinner when I got my Lean Cuisines last weekend. Boo Yay! I just discovered it last night when I reached in and grabbed one indifferently. Abra-abra-cadabra. I'm gonna reach out and grab ya. (You are welcome.) If you're not an aficionado of the frozen … Continue reading The Archie-ean era

Last night, Edsel and I did our usual routine, as he greatly enjoys a routine. Before dinner, we chased Blu about 159 times. You need two Blus for this game, because otherwise he won't give the one in his lips back to you. hay. it nother Blu! It's weird that I happened to take pictures … Continue reading Old Yeller

I just had a rushed, fairly disappointing lunch of Lean Cuisine spaghetti and some sautéed spinach, and really, I don't see how Lean Cuisine spaghetti could be anything BUT disappointing, but I am broke and here's why. My little black foster kitten is sick, and I keep spending money on food and different food and … Continue reading Lean times

My little foster kitten isn't doing so well. Further reports as developments warrant.

By the time you read this, two things will have happened. It will officially be my eight-year anniversary at work, and Barry our mail room guy will have retired. He came by my desk singing, "The party's over" because this was his last delivery, ever. Naturally I had to capture the moment on ... not … Continue reading What the fork.

I know that normally I write you several hours earlier than this, but I had a work thing that was vexing me and making me anxious, so at about 7:30 this morning I got on my work laptop, not literally, and commenced to working. I just finished the thing I was working on, then ate … Continue reading Without list

The good thing about being a not-religious person in the South is that Sunday mornings are great for getting stuff done. Cart situation. Weird readers will note the time I took a picture at this same locale, before snow was to arrive, and there were zero carts here. "June?" I'd just finished snapping a photo … Continue reading Wild sugar

When I saw that life coach, he told me there technically is no such thing as stress. We just react to things and GET stressed. If we change our reaction, we could, in truth, not have stress at all. Hunh. I was dreaming about some large murder woman chasing me at 5:38 this morning (I … Continue reading My harrowing morning thus far

I went to the beach. The only shoes I packed. My coworker Lottie Blanco, and her wife, Lottie Blanco, got a beach house on an island for a week, and invited friends to come along. Take it to the bridge Squee It was a great house. It was damaged by the hurricane last fall, so … Continue reading You know what’s hilarious? When people say, Life’s a beach. Oh, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I know it's weird I'm writing on a Sunday, especially on a national holiday, but if you stop twisting your hankie in shock, you'll see there's a logical explanation. You'll be at peace. Smoking your peace pipe. What was in a peace pipe? Was it the maryjane? Or just regular tobacco that you can buy … Continue reading She is risen. She is making coffee.

If you'll recall from your Big Book of June events, I said yesterday that I would not refer to those smallish mammals anymore. You know the ones. The ones with nine lives and Fancy Feast. And heaven knows I'm a woman of my word. Heaven knows I have lots else going on. My life is … Continue reading [redacted]