If you'll recall from your Big Book of June events, I said yesterday that I would not refer to those smallish mammals anymore. You know the ones. The ones with nine lives and Fancy Feast. And heaven knows I'm a woman of my word. Heaven knows I have lots else going on. My life is… Continue reading [redacted]

Does it drive you berserk that there's always something on your phone/computer that needs updating? "Would you like to update now?" No, I'd like you to go fuck yourself, you dramatic motherfucker. You do NOT need updating. You just got updated last week. Now this is starting to sound like my marriage, fmr. Anyway, I… Continue reading Midnight. Not a sound on the pavement.

I've been up for an hour and a half and I haven't showered or had coffee yet. Whose cockamamie idea was it to have this indoor farm? Last night, I bansheed home from work to feed the foster kitten, and after I was done with that I was boiling his bottle and cleaning the litter… Continue reading June talks about cats. Waaaat?

On Friday, I was at work when my phone rang. My phone rings so rarely, and when it does it's usually "credit card services" letting me know "there's nothing wrong with my account" but that I can get a "zero-interest-rate" deal if I press 1. They seem immune to me telling them to go away.… Continue reading The one where Hulk just finally turns off his computer and walks away forever.

I bought Food Lion–brand French Roast this week. It was less than half the price of my usual brand, which is Starbucks French Roast. And do you know it's delicious? It's just as good as my expensive kind, and I have no idea when I turned into such a dreadful bore, but there it is.… Continue reading On top of Old Smokey and everything else, I forgot a dang title

I have a Facebook page, called (Face)Book of June (it's set to private, I think, if you're looking for it). Anyway, on there, I asked, Why are people leaving fewer blog comments? I have the same numbers of readers, pretty much, but fewer comments. People said things like, "I'd have to scroll to get to… Continue reading In my white box, with black-ish moods, near the station

Yesterday, my office BURST INTO FLAMES. I love this time of year. I promise I'm 'bout to tie those thoughts together. But, really. I love this time of year. Spring has always been my favorite, but here in the South, it's glorious. Right now, the leaves are new, so they're still pastel green. And then… Continue reading Some like it hot June

I'm writing to you on Sunday night so that I don't have to scream through a post Monday morning. Despite this, I will still find a way to be late for work. So, what'd YOU do all weekend? Here's what I did. Prepare for greatness. Or, "Hunh. That's ...riveting, June." Someone gave their plants a… Continue reading DREAN

My goal was to start writing this morning at 7:15, and it's 7:15 on the dot. Am a machine. In other news, look! I thought I'd post this. hahahaha...mom not funnee The fence is coming along! It's actually further along than this now, but it's rainy AF and I don't want to traipse out there… Continue reading June Sawyer

I didn't post today because I woke up with a migraine, and I hate everything. However, this afternoon a comment came through asking what we'd decided re giving advice on this here nonblog. Remember we talked a few weeks ago about exchanging advice with each other? Well, we did. Put down the bong occasionally, Snoop.… Continue reading A reader seeks advice. I feel like you might be able to force yourself to give advice.

One of my more normal coworkers was entering the building as I was leaving last night. "It's 5:30," I told him, helpfully. "Yeah, I know, I--" "It's the end of the day. Did you just get back from Australia or something?" "Did I--Australia?" he asked, a trifle beleagueredly. "You know, because in Australia it's the… Continue reading A new low

How did your parents meet?

"I have so many things to do this weekend," I smugged to my neighbors. We have dinner most Fridays at the nearby Mexican restaurant, and last Friday was so warm that we ate outside. I dipped 3040403202 enormous chips into salsa repeatedly, because I was starved and also it was delicious. My plans for the… Continue reading Born to Run

First of all, I saw this somewhere and it kills me. People with too much time on their hands are my favorite kind of people. What does Justin Timberlake do? Does he get his hair chemically straightened? He must, right? Also, he's so cute, and he seems like a nice young man. Let me get… Continue reading Is that a blog in your pocket, or…

At work, on Fridays, we have a massage therapist come in, or as I like to call her, a massage-inist. Her name is Ronda, and when I have the spare 15 bucks plus tip, I have her work on the concrete that is my shoulders. What tense personality? Of all the things I've told you… Continue reading June. The weekend ended. Get over it.

I'm certain I've told you this before, but I am talking to tens of you and I don't know who's heard what. So I'll tell it again and if you've heard it before, you can grin pain-edly till I get to a part you haven't heard. You can do the move-it-along gesture in your mind.… Continue reading Two ADDs walk into a soda fountain

I was exhausted after my harrowing workday yesterday. I'd planned to make breadless meatloaf per my new diet (pounds lost: zero), but I was so tired I said screw it, I'm driving through Subway, this bad-for-me place, despite what Jared says about it. The good news is I asked for Baked Lays and they gave… Continue reading June starts to show you her house, changes mind

The other night, I rented that '80s movie Sex, Lies, and Videotape. "Videotape" is such a funny, antiquated word now, as is "renting" a movie. I drove down to the Blockbuster, got a chunky videotape, shoved it in my machine, and then afterward I was sure to be kind, rewind. Anyway, I STREAMED the movie… Continue reading Spring forward

Last night, I slept eight and a half hours, and only woke up and rolled around fitfully once. Ten years ago, I'd have said, "Oh my god, you guys, I woke up at some point in the night and couldn't fall back to sleep for like 30 minutes." Now I'm, yay! It happened only once!… Continue reading I HATE it when I hit “Publish” and forget a title