Health · June's stupid life

My four food groups: sugar, fat, caffeine and cuticles

This all started because of a magazine article. So many things in my life start that way, which technically is pathetic.

One day in October, at my mother's place in the woods, I went to a grocery store to stock up on food for my brush with wilderness. Naturally I bought cream soda, potato chips that were supposed to taste like a twice-baked potato, and some Orange Milano cookies. I also bought an Oprah Magazine.

Oh, poke fun at me all you want. Oprah Magazine rocks. I know this makes me middle-aged and middle-American. Sue me. Will it make you feel better if I pierce something and buy Spin instead? (Do they still make Spin?)

At any rate, there was a health article in there by Dr. Oz, who apparently not only lives on the yellow brick road, but also on Oprah's payroll. He had many tests to determine if you are physically fit.

Let's just say I took the tests and I am no whoever-that-guy-is-who-rides-a-bike-and-everyone-has-a-yellow-bracelet-of-to-honor-him. You know who I mean. He dated Sheryl Crow.

Anyway, I am not that guy. Sheryl Crow won't even meet me for coffee.

Therefore, I was inspired to live better for all of 2008. And naturally I have to blog about it, because I need attention all the time.

Next time you'll get the dirty details of this blog. They are not actually very dirty. I just wanted to entice you.

Along with eating better and exercising, every month I'll try something else healthy. I'll drink green tea instead of 75 pots of coffee. Or I'll do chi-gong. I will get it on and bang a gong. Now see? That sounded vaguely dirty.

Meanwhile, if you want to see my sad physical condition as I start, click on "Progress a la Mode" at right.

Mmmm. A la mode.