Health · June's stupid life · Marvin

Half Time

So, my book came today. It is a book on running a half-marathon, which by the way I bought on Amazon through dcrmom's blog.

Apparently, if you go to her blog and click the Amazon ad, she gets money for it. It was no skin off my nose, which is a really disgusting phrase, to go to her site to get to Amazon as opposed to going straight to Amazon. In fact, why don't you all save your noses and order your Amazon goods through her site? Let's turn her into a millionaire, simply because it might be fun to watch. What say you?

So, the person who wrote my half marathon book is Jeff Galloway, an Olympic marathoner (me, too) who also wrote the book on running full marathons that I read back in 2000, when I was young and nubile.

When Marvin Gardensalad saw that I bought this book, he said, "Why don't you just read half of your marathon book instead?"

Really, the hilarity. How do I get through the day without stitching up my sides, with that jokester over here?

My plan is to sit around all weekend reading it, which kind of defeats the purpose of training for a half-marathon, so maybe I'll throw some physical activity in there.

I ran on the treadmill again yesterday, and one wonders why I am so dinglity danglity slow. Perhaps I should set up a screen behind me with images of a man chasing me with a knife, or a lion charging me or something.

One time, someone told me this hideous story, and I can't remember who told it to me, but if you are home alone, do not read the next paragraph.

Whoever this woman was, she was home alone in a big house — she may have been house sitting, in fact — and she was upstairs in bed, and in the middle of the night she heard a music box downstairs! Which meant someone was down there and had opened it! Doesn't that just give you chilblains? Isn't that awful? Now, what I would do in that situation is completely freeze, giving the bad person ample time to get upstairs and find me and chop me into mince meat pie. The friend, I recall, called the police and all was well.

Who TOLD me that story? Is it any of my old friends reading this? Because apparently I was so traumatized I blanked who you were. I hope the reason I know this story is not because the friend called ME for help and I am just coming back to reality right now. Which could totally be the case, because, folks, you do NOT want me in an emergency situation. I will get breathless and flap my hands. I will turn into Aunt PittyPat. Do not get ill or die on my watch, please.

Finally, I just figured out that this weekend is the Super Bowl, isn't it? That is why my Google homepage is giving recipes for potato skins, which sounds delicious, and also why every commercial is for large-screen TVs.

I couldn't be more indifferent to sports. Honestly, if you told me Joe Namath was playing, I would totally believe you. It'll be hard to tear myself away from my half-marathon book to watch that game. Wooo! Go, whoever!

11 thoughts on “Half Time

  1. “Chi, chi, chi, ah, ah, ah ….” Remember when I use to call you and do that on the phone? Oh how I loved to torment you! Or perhaps you may recall the time I snuck up during “The Fog” and grabed you with those fuzzy mittens you always used to wear. Now that was fun!

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  2. I have trained “The Galloway Method” for the last (nearly) 2 years. In that time I’ve ran two half marathons and a full marathon and I’m currently training for a half on March 2nd. I WOULD NOT BE RUNNING if it were not for this method. I run an average of an 11 -11:30 pace ( I can go a 10 minute mile but not for long!) for distances longer than 4 miles. I highly recommend it (obviously). How do you like all my parentheses? Don’t worry about your pace – you will find benefits at whatever pace and method that keeps you getting out there regularly to run. Kudo’s to you for setting the goal of a half marathon. A race on my schedule is what keeps me motivated.

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  3. Hey StotheL! Where do you live? I see you gave a shout out to the Pats!
    We’re HUGE Pats fans! In Salem, MA…

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  4. Yep, one more week until Nachobowl Sunday. Go Pats!
    I went ahead and read that scary story, er, paragraph, even though I’m home alone, because I have no brains. Fortunately, I also have no music boxes.

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  5. We have good friends that came home, and they were unaware that someone(s) was in their house, in fact, under their bed hiding and they didn’t realize it until the next morning when the boxes under their bed were pushed out into the floor and the door out onto their deck was left ajar. Scary! They reenacted the situation with the help of their next door neighbors. The two men got under the bed, the girls were on the bed and the men were able to slide out and get downstairs without being detected by the girls and they were AWAKE!

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  6. Jeff Galloway’s book is what I used to train as well. You had asked me how I build up speed. It’s a good thing you bought his book, because that’s the one I used for building speed as well!

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  7. That Galloway dude’s all into the run-walk training method, which I think is a great thing. It’s how I trained for my marathon. It’s nice to be able to start running knowing that in 5 minutes or so you get a little 1-minute walking break or whatever; then you start over again with another 5 minutes of running with 1 minute of walking. Seriously, it gets you to your goal….. Galloway has his critics (some people say a problem with the run/walk method is that you end up running too fast during the running part to make up for the walking part, but if your goal isn’t speed, why not give yourself a walking break?) You get many benefits from walking breaks, like less potential for injury. That said, I tried an official Galloway marathon training group the year AFTER i’d already run a marathon, and ended up dropping out of the group. Not because of the method, but because I’m not much of a group trainer…. I’m a solo trainer. But I didn’t end up doing the marathon either. But it wasn’t Galloway’s fault. Whatever. I’ll stop now.

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