On the Lamb

For those of you wildcats still up at 10:44 p.m., which is when I am beginning this post, you will not HAVE to wait a whole night to hear about June's Adventures in Albemarle. That is because I am telling them to you now, Colombo. I would have thought the first sentence was self-explanatory.

First of all, the drive there is all country roads take me home, all the time. There are rolling hills, cotton fields, deer, cows, and do you know what else? SHEEPS and BABY SHEEPS!

Every time we dLambies_4rive past the sheep, I squeal and wave and carry on in my generally undignified way. But today? When I saw there were bitty lambs out there, too? I just pulled into the people's driveway. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I sat in their driveway for like 15 minutes, just staring at those lambs. One was so young he could barely walk, and he kept chasing after his mom for titty dinner, as my grandmother used to so eloquently put it.

It was a farm, obviously, so these people had a driveway that was 75,000 miles long (or maybe it was a meter), so they probably did not even notice the woman in the VW Bug waving at the lambs. Anyway, it was delightful and I barely even worried about getting anthrax.

Finally, I made it to Vac and Dash, the running store that also sells vacuums. Do you know I was in there for more than an hour? I was the only person in there, and I got a parking spot right in front of the store, like they do in the movies. I had the best time! The owner loved my line "I suck at running, so I'm getting my shoes at a vacuum store" so much that he's putting it on a Tshirt.

I got me some fancy shoes, and some padded double something-or-0ther socks, and he threw in a free long-sleeved Tshirt from the store that reads, "Vac and Dash. We'll get there eventually."

He hosts many running events in Albemarle, this guy. He was encouraging me to join him, and when I told him I ran a 14-minute mile, he and his employee laughed like they thought I was kidding. Sad.

Finally, I got home just in time to join Marvin Gardensalad and many of his teacher friends for a night of bowling. They had completely changed their original plans and were (a) bowling at night and (b) bowling in a different city, because THAT bowling alley sells drinks. Did I mention all of Marvin's other teacher friends are like 24?

We had a great time. I bowled a STUNNING 83, and when I said, "Eighty-three! The year I graduated!" two of the teachers said, "Eighty-three. The year I was born." Could someone just beat me with a pin?

So, I guess we could say I got in some physical activity today. If bowling really counts. One of the other teachers and I decided we needed to lift weights and come back to the alley in a few months, because by the second game, I could barely throw that eight-pound ball. I also stuck the ball under my shirt and tried to imagine being really pregnant, and I do not know how you women ever did that while maintaining a happy attitude. It seems like it'd be uncomfortable.

Maybe I should join that running group in Albemarle, even though I'd be the loser slow runner. Maybe it'd increase my time. Maybe I could move in with the sheep farmers so I'd have a slower commute. Those babies were sweet!

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

16 thoughts on “On the Lamb”

  1. June, don’t worry about the 83 score. There used to be a bowling alley in Charlotte that had “Rock N Bowl” on Friday and Saturday nights. My friends would order pitchers of beer. So the more they drank, the better I bowled!
    Valerie

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  2. 1983 – the year I graduated and my husband was all of 9 years old!
    Rob the cradle much??!!!
    June, that picture of the baby lambs is ADORABLE…Love me the baby animals, too. Baby cows are my fav. I want one.

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  3. I love how you’re leaving your stamp all over your new home state! What a great line for a t-shirt, is he going to cut you in on the profits?

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  4. It IS uncomfortable.
    And the sheep? They’re on the farm BESIDE MY DEVELOPMENT! I love living in the country. (Of course, I love having Philadelphia 45 minutes away too! ;-))

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  5. Maintain a happy attitude .. the happy attitude slowly disappeared with the morning sickness in the first tri-mester .. what was left went when the boobs each got as big as 8 pound bowling balls oh and the backache from carrying the 2×8 pound bowling ball boobs and the growing baby. he he It really wasn’t all that bad .. just needed to tell you that .. just in case you change your mind and decide to have a mid-life menopausal baby.
    I used to love seeing the baby lambs in spring time in Australia *sigh*
    Also .. just so you know June .. I think running a 14 minute mile is amazing. I bow down to you in awe.

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  6. Juney had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb…Okay. I’ll stop now.
    LOVE the running store guy for wanting your slogan for a T, hate him for laughing at your pace.
    Pregnancy is horrible. Nothing good in it whatsoever. Not even the big boobs are fun.

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  7. Your writing style reminds me of Junie B. Jones. It had been bothering me that I always read your blogs in a sing-songy little kid voice in my head, and it finally hit me as to why I do that. That’s the voice I use to read Junie B.

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  8. I just wanted to say hello and that I like your blog… 🙂
    And that photo of the baby sheep? They are literally the cutest thing I have ever seen, tied with my son as a newborn. Oh my gosh, I would be so tempted to lamb-nap one of them! I want a pet lamb now, and I live in the suburbs of Seattle, so I don’t think that would fly.
    Anyway, hi!

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  9. Ok, I found your blog last night and have done basically nothing but read it since, except to help care for my four small children. I have LOL so much that they keep coming around asking what’s so funny. “titty dinner” and “turn back tiooomme” are my favorites so far. Also you don’t suck at running, you suck because you weigh 140-something and that is below my GOAL weight. BAAH!

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