Seattle’s Best Coffin

You know what might have been smart? Maybe I should have told you all yesterday why I was considering giving up coffee.

People certainly are opinionated about coffee. You would think all my readers were Juan Valdez and his family. Or Mrs. Olsen.

The REASON I would consider giving it up is I have:

  • migraines
  • insomnia
  • really bad anxiety
  • and I grind my teeth so much that they have changed shape, despite my mouth guard.

Other than that, I feel fine. So, with all of those issues listed above, doctors recommend (a) giving up caffeine and (b) taking up heroin.

On the other hand, it's a fact that meditation reduces stress, as well. They did something with people's brain waves and heart rate and such, so it isn't just a bunch of hooey.

But heroin really calms the nerves, too. That Sid Vicious was like a cat in a sunny window, he was so mellow. And Billie Holiday? Did not seem like she had jangled nerves.

But I have to tell you. About coffee. Me loves it. There is no reason to get up in the morning if there is not coffee. Not that I would know this, because I never, ever sleep away from home without ensuring coffee is within 50 feet of me after awakening.

A few years back I had outpatient surgery and even though the operation wasn't till 1:00, I couldn't have anything to eat or drink all day. Do you know what the only unpleasant part of the surgery was? It was not the shots or the IVs. It was not the blue puffy cap or the tie-in-back gown or the scary operating room. It was the LACK OF CAFFEINE! I was so complain-y and headachy that as soon as I woke up? A nurse was standing there with black coffee.

I think I have never loved anyone quite so much.

So I guess I'll try meditation. And yesterday I wrote "mediation" instead of "meditation." I have since corrected that error. I am a readist, not a typist, as my proofer friend Jerry always says. Well, he doesn't ALWAYS say that. Sometimes he says other things like "You writing a book?"

(We used to work together, and if he got up I might ask, "Are you going to the lunch truck?" so he'd, you know, maybe get me a rice pudding. He hated being asked where he was going. So he'd always say, "You writing a book?" ) (He was not married.)

(Love you, Jerry!)

I did like your other suggestions. I am all curious about chi running, and remind me to tell you about my stint as a vegetarian and the pretty evening when I returned to meat. You will never be attracted to me again.

I have to go now, because we got a Netflix envelope with more Six Feet Under episodes. I am completely obsessed. We got two envelopes today, actually, and I opened the first one with glee, and you have no idea how close Marvin Gardensalad came to being six feet under when that first envelope contained The Captain and Tenille in concert. I am not kidding. He is lucky the second envelope was something good.

Oh, wait, one more thing, then I'll hang up, I promise. When I woke up today? Before the sun was up and I was covered in cats, as usual? My first thought was, "Ooo, I get to run today!" Seriously. I GET to run.


18 thoughts on “Seattle’s Best Coffin

  1. I vote for not giving up the coffee. Just pull it back or start mixing half regular, half decaf. I think that’d make a big difference.
    I was a vegetarian for about 15 years. I slowly came back to eating fish, chicken and turkey. For me, it’s helping me feel healthier and not so flabby. But everybody’s different. I noticed that some people think you should consider being a vegetarian for a month so I thought I’d offer where I’ve been with it lately.


  2. Hi, I am visiting from dcrmom.
    I have heard about people giving up coffee totally, and people switching totally to decaf.
    I don’t think I could do it. And I don’t even drink it everyday.
    Nice to meet you!


  3. But June .. honestly .. would’nt the symptoms if you GAVE up coffee also be:
    really bad anxiety
    and I grind my teeth so much that they have changed shape, despite my mouth guard.
    Now I have to tell you .. I almost spilt my coffee over myself when I read that you are considering giving up coffee as an option.
    Like getting healthy is a good thing .. don’t get me wrong .. but June .. we have to draw the line somewhere.
    Have you thought about body piercing to release your tension? Just saying ..


  4. Oh and Bravo to Marvin for the Captain and Tenille concert. Wish I could have seen that when you opened the envelope!
    Last Friday some colleagues and I sat around at about 4:30 p.m. in the graphics department where they have a giant TV hooked up to youtube….. Drinking beer and watching videos from the movie Xanadu. It was true bliss.


  5. Note the time I’m posting this…. Am I nuts? No, I just have lots to do, all brought to you by our sponsor, COFFEE.
    I just wanted to tell you that the ONE time I tried meditation on my own I couldn’t get that stupid Gnarles Barkley song “Crazy” out of my head. It was a song I couldn’t bear before and can bear less now because of the incident. Not trying to scare you; just warning you.
    Chi Running and coffee are the answer.


  6. Seriously June, I have ALL of the same ailments as you, have for years. Two years ago my dr.’s told me to give up coffee. And I did. And I felt so bad I wished I was giving up heroin instead. It had to have been easier. So I did the no coffee thing for a few months. And I still had the same issues, it was just less delicious. And then I was in Kona Hawaii on a coffee plantation. And I started chewing beans. Unroasted beans. They tasted like shit but I was SO, SO happy. And then I was back on coffee. From that day on I have found other ways to manage stress, insomnia and anxiety. Because NO WAY IN HELL was anyone going to EVER tell me again to give up coffee.


  7. Are you turning into a jock? Where is my daughter? I really support the meditation thing. We sometimes do it in prayer group an it is really something. Meditating in a group is powerful. Hope you get to do it sometime.


  8. Never heard of chi running, but I am intrigued. Is it like tai chi? Not really sure what that is either. I am picturing it to be like kung fu. I think I would enjoy kung fu running. Should we invent it and make our millions?


  9. I got the solution: One mug of coffee in the morning, and no more. This way you get to have your reason for waking up (believe me, I get that), plus it’s so early that the caffeine will have exited your body by bedtime.
    Now get your Chi Running video…and report back to me! I wanna know how it works.


  10. In keeping with your theme(s), I used to mistype ‘meditation’ all the time, but instead of ‘mediation,’ my typos always came out ‘medication.’
    ‘Used to,’ you ask? Now I avoid all three words.


  11. Yoga practice might be the answer for both your meditation and running. Several serious runners and cyclists I know incorporate yoga into their workout to reduce injuries and improve performance.
    Are there any good teachers/studios in your area?


  12. Please don’t take up heroin. If you are this serious about your coffee, I could not imagine you in withdrawl from heroin. That nurse was a nurse after my own heart, but I might have put the caffine in your IV and not approached you so readily. Plus, poor Marvin Gardensalad has GOT to survive and how would murder by Captain and Tenille go over on the evening news?!!


  13. OOHHHH, that’s a good reason to give up coffee. Bear in mind that coffee has a LOT of caffeine in it, so you would have pretty terrible side effects if you went cold turkey from multiple cups per day. Given the symptoms you describe, you might want to start mixing in some decaf or cutting out half a cup each week or something.
    Since hubby and I switched to espresso, I am a lot less moody and shaky.


  14. Did you ever keep that pretty little stray that looks like Ruby??? My 2 cents: I’d give up the coffee. But I don’t like coffee, so that’s SUPER easy for me. ;p


  15. Well you at least need to wean yourself by going down 1/2 an espresso shot a week or something.
    And DID YOU KNOW THAT SIX FEET UNDER IS MY MOST FAVORITE SHOW EVER!!!!???? Oh my God, I was so sad that it ended. I still think about the Fishers all the time. I love them.


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