Today was a ridiculous day. First of all, I had a dream that Marvin Gardensalad was having an affair. I know I dreamed this because stupid Nate on Six Feet Under just had an affair and then he fell over dead from a brain hemorrhage, and I am really sorry if you are just catching up on your Six Feet Under like I am. I know I just ruined the whole show for you.
The POINT is, I woke up at 5:00 when Amish Marvin's alarm goes off, and I told him about my dream, and how in the dream I kept hitting him and screaming and he TOTALLY DIDN'T CARE that he'd been caught in his tryst. Isn't that the worst, when in a dream you are really mad and the other person doesn't care?
So, Marvin asked me how I had found out about the affair. I said, "I read a bunch of emails you had printed out."
Marvin came over to the bed and said, "Honey. I would NEVER print out the emails."
Okay, that was reassuring. Again, do we all agree he needs to work at a crisis hotline?
My bad dream screwed up my sleep, and I ended up waking up with only 35 minutes till work.
I usually have Fridays off, but since I went to Winston-Salem on Wednesday, I went to work today to make up for it.
Since I had to get out of here in a hurry, I threw a Garden Burger in the microwave, and do you know it kept me full for hours?
Anyway, at work I started printing the 9,876 bulletins for Sunday's service, and the copy machine jammed. The copy machine jams 97 times in a row whenever I start to print out the bulletin, and oh, how I wish you could be there to hear the litany of swear words I come up with. It is truly a thing of beauty and especially nice to be doing in a church.
However, today the stupid machine seemed to be jamming up more than usual, and when I opened it, a giant COIL just SPROINGED out and onto the floor.
You can imagine my deep pleasure, not to mention my pretty vocabulary. So, when I tried to fix the thing, a MATCHING coil SPROINGED out on the other side of the wizzywig I was trying to fix.
So, I called the repair company, and their poor repair guy was already going to three cities that day, and I told him I'd wait for him.
He wasn't able to show up until 3:45, and normally I leave work at noon. So, to keep myself occupied, I got out a big mailing I wasn't going to get out until next week.
By the time I got home, I was FAMISHED, and I had some pasta and sun-dried tomatoes and I was happy as a lark again. But as soon as I finished that, I had to DASH back to Miss Lillie's nursing home, as I told her I'd come an extra day this week, due to her bad, cheeseless pasta week.
When I got there, were they in the middle of Hawaii hour? Everybody was in the activities room, wearing leis and straw hats, and the next thing you know, I am sporting a grass skirt, a LOVELY pink lei, and I'm hula dancing with everybody else. To be really authentic, Hawaiian Punch was served. I am proud to tell you I did not have any, even though I adore Hawaiian Punch. When I left Miss Lillie, girlfriend was on about her fifth cup. Glad she's not driving tonight.
So that is my stupid day. I have to get back on the treadmill again tonight. And yes, I have a clean brassiere. I hope when I am done I do not eat anything stupid, as today has been a relatively good food day.