It is Sunday morning and I am in my cherry pajamas, which kind of match my blog design, thereby making me completely loser-licious.
Today, according to my running schedule, I have to run six miles. Fortunately I now have a computer again, so I can find a track. This is a college town, after all, so maybe I could go run with the college kids. I'm sure that won't be humiliating, although I will probably be the only runner who didn't ingest a keg last night, so.
Once in college we bought green keg beer because it was deeply discounted, seeing as it was the week after St. Patrick's Day. Did we think we'd scored a deal! Man! "Dude, this week-old green beer was $12! For the KEG!" Suze Orman highly recommends this technique.
I remember drinking beer till dawn:30, sleeping an hour and a half, going to Denny's for a Grand Slam, then going to the gym like it was normal. I also recall that I weighed 122. I hate everything.
People keep saying I should take Tallulah running with me, but you can't run a puppy because it ruins their hips or something. I do not know how this could be true, considering she will run in the back yard till her tongue falls off, but I am not going to chance it.
We went to the dog park yesterday, which are in the middle of these cool woods here. You have to walk past a duck and goose preserve to get to the dog park, and you can imagine how simple that is with a Lab puppy in tow. Walk, walk, walk, STOP. POINT! POINT! STARE! STAND REALLY STIFFLY!Okay. Walk, walk, STOP! Sniff high in the air! Point! Point! POINNNNNT!
All the Jack Russels and poodles just cruise on by, excited to get to the dog park, but not the Pointer Sister, over here.
At any rate, there was a mean dog there. He was on a leash, and he didn't come in, but he was so scary. He was snarling and showing his teeth and barking like a wild man. Everyone in the park was appalled, and kept saying things to the tiny woman trying to hold this dog back.
I am sorry to tell you that out of all the mastiffs, German shepherds and full-grown Labs in the dog park, it was Lula who went up to the fence and said, "BARK!" at the insane, mean dog.
This is not good. I am pleased she asserted herself, but sometimes one needs to remain under the radar. At any rate, we waited till Cujo was long gone before we exited.
Marvin had to buy a lawn mower yesterday. We have never had to care for a lawn before, so we never had a lawn mower. And did he come back with one of those old-fashioned push mowers, the kind with no electricity or whatever?
Grandpa called. Said even he hasn't used one of those since 1950.
I have to tell you a habit of Marvin's. He always buys the cheapest thing possible, gets disappointed with the results, then goes out and buys something normal, thereby increasing the price of everything by about a third.
So he went out early this morning to "mow" the lawn. It was kind of like he was someone on The Flintstones, using some prehistoric tool with an animal attached to it. I kept expecting his "lawn mower" to make a wisecrack, and for the background to be the same over and over again.
Two hours later, he came in looking like a tomato, and said, "Okay, I'm getting a real lawn mower this week." He said a lot of hot-looking women with baby strollers came by and said how manly he was pushing that thing, and he told them all he was saving the environment. Mmm-hmmm. Now next week he will look like a wimpy eco-terrorist.
Also, I keep forgetting to tell you — and perhaps I "forgot" because I HAD NO COMPUTER — that I was so traumatized this week that I didn't eat for several days. They took me out to lunch on my first day and they must think I have an eating disorder. I literally took two bites of soup and was done. This is just how I stress.
So I have lost about five pounds, which will come back on immediately. I am, however, bringing my lunch to work to save calories and money, and also there is a good salad bar at a grocery store nearby, so if I forget lunch I am set. It's easier to get to that store than it is to go to the 110 fast food places, so that's good.
I have to go clean the house for the dog walker's visit. This means putting the empty cardboard boxes in neat order.