I was all comfy-umfy in my leopard pajamas when I remembered it was May 1 and I have to do my measurements today. Crap. You'll be thrilled to hear that I did remember to bring a tape measure with me in this otherwise spartan household.
So, my weight went down three pounds, I think (click on Progress a la Mode. I can't remember exactly. It's down, though, to 142), and I have lost inches in my hootie-hoots. Okay, thanks. Don't give me a smaller arse or anything. That's just what I want. Smaller hootie-hoots.
Oh, how my hippie parents are looking back sadly to the days they taught me to refer to my body parts by their real technical terms, and I am over here saying hootie-hoots to the world.
Peace out, mom and dad. I am free to be Me and Me. I still respect my body and know all about bad touching.
Speaking of which, Lula and I just spent an hour and 15 minutes sniffing the butt of everybody at the dog park. You guys, she is doing so much better at not being horrified of other dogs. She even took a stick from a full-grown Lab! She had a great time with a giant Schnauzer and other similarly big dogs.
There was a bloodhound puppy there who was the same age as Lula. Let's talk about that behemoth. His eyelash was the size of Tallulah. His paws were bigger than my hootie-hoots.
I just wanted to say hootie-hoots again.
Also today, I finally got some feedback on some editing I did at my new job. I have barely done any work at my new job. They really prepare you thoroughly before they give you anything, so I have shadowed people, I have looked at old work, I have read every pamphlet and catalog and ad and website we put out in the world. Trust me, I have researched the dang job.
So then when they finally said, here, edit something, I was secretly, what? I can't do this! I have no idea how to edit anything!
I do this every time. Also, I panic because I think I am going to forget all the rules of grammar. And you know what? I do forget them. I read a sentence and know it sounds stupid, but I don't go, "My, what terrible use of passive voice. And that participle! Man!" Instead I just kind of instinctively fix things.
At any rate, after being on pins and also other pins all day, my boss said, "You did a marvelous job on that [insert what I do here] article today."
Why do we always feel like imposters when we aren't? I am so afraid I am going to be found out as someone who doesn't know what they're doing, and yet I know I DO know what I'm doing.
Anyway, I like everyone's idea that I don't do anything healthy this month, but what I have decided to do is tell you everything I eat every day. Because that should be humiliating and maybe will make me healthier.
Black coffee. Seventy cups.
An Oatmeal-to-Go thing. It's like a cookie, but you tell yourself it's oatmeal.
Coffee cake that was free at work. Free to be coffee and cake.
Peanut butter (creamy) and jelly (grape) sandwich on whole wheat.
Cup of canned peaches (packed in juice).
Bacon cheese fries from Hardee's. Yes, really. Nutritious and filling. You got your vegetable, your dairy, your meat.
Small cheeseburger from Hardee's, which I ate half of cause those fries were delish and filled me right up.
Dr Pepper. Cause I love me the Dr. And did you know Dr Pepper doesn't have a period after "Dr"?
That is all. I'd say that's enough. Exercise? Two 15-minute brisk walks at my work breaks, and a really brisk walk/pull through the woods with Lula, maybe 12 minutes total.
I hope you all had a good May 1. Today is Barry Gibb's dog Barnabus' birthday.
And yes, I understand that I am pathetic.