Wait. Dylan McDermott is AVAILABLE?

Did you see Dylan McDermott is getting a divorce? Why, do you think? Is there a possibility it is because he loves me and hasn’t had the nerve to tell me yet? Do you think he’s secretly reading this blog? He’s Tee, isn’t he? I mean, I have no real proof that Tee is a woman. A man could say phrases like "For crying in the cream," right?

Tomorrow is my 30-day review at work. Woo! Do you think I’ll get a raise?

Also tomorrow at work, we are having a competition with the other office, to see who walks around our respective walking tracks the most. You walk around the track as many times as you can, report it to our on-site nurse (yes, we have a full-time nurse there. Yes, I have already been there with a hypochondriacal illness. Did you really think I could go a month without one?), and then she tallies who the winner is.

I do not know what we get as a prize if we beat the other site. Maybe we get to edit them to death or something. At any rate, the guy I walk with on breaks is gonna join me walking around the track 750 times rather than our usual walk through the whole campus.  Yes, they call it a campus. No, it is not a school.

Is that even legal?

And speaking of the guy I walk with, which this next part really isn’t, I think I figured out why my pants are falling down and I look  like I should be in the Crips or some gang actually from this decade. It is probably because my coworker and I — let’s call him Christopher Walken from now on — walk twice a day for 18 minutes each time, and pretty briskly. So that’s 36 minutes a day, cause I’m a math whiz like that, and then I walk a really frisky 30-pound dog every evening for about 30 minutes.

That adds up to like 12 hours a day of walking. So there you go.

And in conclusion, thank you all for coming out tonight and enjoying this fine chicken. Do you really want to hear the why-she’s-my-ex-best-friend story? I’ve been thinking, should I really sell out my ex just to have a good blog story? Hells yeah.

So, I am thinking I will tell it. I have to review it in my mind, cause at the time it was just a rush of sad, depressing times and then it was over. And it was worse than breaking up with a boyfriend. It was probably worse than divorcing Dylan McDermott. At least he knows where he can come to pick up the pieces. Greensboro! In the house! Wooo!

9 thoughts on “Wait. Dylan McDermott is AVAILABLE?

  1. I totally came thisclose to giving Dylan McDermott a big smooch one day. He was at Disneyland with his impossibly beautiful (ex)wife, leaving at the employee exit because they didn’t want to attract attention. I was leaning down to get my ID out of my bag and when I stood up, by some freak gift of the gods we ended up eyeball to great big baby blue eyeball. I could have stuck out my tongue and licked him. Come to think of it, I should have. *sigh*
    And I too have an ex-bff. She just got married and didn’t invite me. 😦 But I felt sorta good because she looked lumpy in her wedding dress. Because I am mean.


  2. I also have an exbff. She sucks.
    And because it’s so important, I looked up “campus”. It can either be the grounds for a school, hospital, university, or college… or any grounds that resemble a campus. I think that’s funny.


  3. I have an ex-best friend and when I read that you have one, too, I felt so much better! I’m the only person I know with an ex-best friend. Maybe it’s more common than I realized. Anywhoo, I’d love to hear the story.


  4. Do tell your XBFF story. I’m in the middle of a BFF issue that may terminate the friendship. I would love to hear how the fabulous June Cut off Cash (wait that was your old name) handled such a situation with grace and style. Inspire me.


  5. So you’re ditching Marvin for Dylan (you’ll have to fight me for him!) you and your best friend from long ago broke up, BUT you have failed to mention that the Nester came by for a visit. when she brings you the pin we want to see pictures of it. heck, take a picture of you with the Nester! you would officially become the person I most envy in the world if you got to marry Dylan McDermott AND hang out on multiple occasions with the Nester.


  6. Well, ain’t that special? Being named in June’s blawg. I am female, however, my real name can be mistaken as a male’s name and my husband’s name can be mistaken as a female’s name, so over the years we have just learned to answer to each other’s names. Even our close friends get confused and call him T and me K. You see that’s what happens when you Mama names you after your Daddy by adding only two letters to his name. It’s been a hassle all my life. How did I get off on this subject? For crying in the cream. LOL! Hope you win and win big prizes.


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