Are you getting it? Armageddon it.

Man, it's busy at work. And apparently, it is only just beginning. Everyone says November is the month you want to pop your eyeballs out. Which sounds lovely. I would, however, prefer to have too much to do at a job than not enough. Isn't it awful when there's nothing to do, and you're like, "How is it 9:36? I looked at the clock seven hours ago and it was 9:35. And 30 seconds."

Anyway, the busier it gets, the more I wish to torment The Girl Who Doesn't Get Me. I do not know why. I like the Girl Who Doesn't Get Me. But she is so smart and professional and serious, it just — I really can't help it — DRIVES me to bug her.

For example, we were both completely exhausted, so we took a break to go to another building, which actually has vending machines. Our building does not. Our building used to be a barn. I am not even making that up. I love this. Also, my office would TOTALLY have been part of the hayloft, which thrills me even more. I do not know why I like this idea. It is very Charlotte's Web/Laura Ingalls Wilder, I guess.

Anyway, GWDGM and I were headed to the vending machines in the hopes the machine would ACTUALLY drop the items we selected, for a change, and I said, "You know, maybe during this busy time — and I will put this in the suggestion box — but maybe they should supply us with cocaine till it slows down."

Total silence.

"I don't think they can do that," she said.

Okay, really? Did you REALLY think I REMOTELY meant that?

Do you think she's in her office just waiting for the powers that be to read my suggestion, and come escort me out?

I am so rubbing powdered donut on my nostrils tomorrow.

Also, sometimes when she's in her office bent over her work, which she is about 12 hours a day, I stand in the hall doing this:


until she notices me.

She tells me I creep her out. Okay, why?

So today, I was in there actually asking her about work, and she has one of those photo holders that's all modern, with those sort of giant paper clips that hold photos in the air, do you know what I mean? Was that clear? Do you see why I don't write books?

Anyway, her three kids are displayed in said holders, so I said, "Hey, I need your help with what style we use for this item. Do we hyphenate it? And also, how old do you want me to be in the picture of me that I sneak into your photo holder?"

She actually laughed at that idea. Her 16-month-old, her six-year-olds, and pretty me, all smiling in the background. Actually, I think the photo above would suffice beautifully.

17 thoughts on “Are you getting it? Armageddon it.

  1. Too funny. Well, not tooooooo funny. Just right.
    I have one son who gets me. The rest of these people think I’m the crazy one. humpf!


  2. On to a topic this blog’s about: Are you still training for our HALF marathon?
    And did you get the blog post I sent you from the dude I told you is your twin separated from you at birth?!


  3. OMG!!!!!!!!! You are too funny! Well, I’m glad she doesn’t get you, cuz it makes good stories for the rest of us! LOL!


  4. ROFLMAO!!!!
    If you’re anything like me, her laughing has only made your mission more enticing. My husband doesn’t get me a lot of the time, but that’s half the fun. When I’m funny and he doesn’t get it, I think it’s hilarious.
    You’ve totally got to put that picture in her picture holder.


  5. LOL. That is too funny. Add the pinkies holding the nose up and you have our secret family ugly face. I can totally relate to this picture.


  6. I vote for sneaking the photo in too. That photo of you absolutely cracked me up. ROFL!!!!!! Don’t put the powdered sugar on your nose. You are already going to be in trouble if the net nanny catches you. 🙂


  7. Yes, I, too, vote for sneaking this very photo into her frame. It’s a classic. Send one to your mom while you’re at it, and sneak one into Marvin’s wallet. That should do it!


  8. If you don’t mind loosing a few teeth and scabs on your face, I hear you can get a lot of work done on the crystal meth. I only know this cuz I live in the meth cooking capitol of the world.
    Great idea on sneaking the pix in, and definitely use the one on this page! Hilarious!


  9. Absolutely, the photo NEEDS to be sneaked into her “my kids” display!!!
    With 3 kids and a stressful, full-time job, her lack of humor can perhaps be excused . . .!
    Laurie S.


  10. GWDGM probably goes to work so she can get away from those who exhibit childish behavior. You might have to spend some time in the naughty chair!


  11. I think you should go ahead with the photo in the holder idea. See how long she leaves it there. She might love it.
    Also? Could you pop a little foil of powdered sugar on her desk when she isn’t looking? Oh no .. probably not such a good idea .. they might escort her out of the office.


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