June, your 43-year-old blogging pal, returns.

Okay, first of all? To everyone who actually knows me and who was part of the ONE HUNDRED FORTY SEVEN (literally!) emails I have since I went "up North"? I have been without contact to the outside world. I have been like the Unibomber, or that grizzly guy. There is no phone at my mother's place up there, and no Internet, obvs.

Anyway, those of you who know me, thanks for the birthday greetings, and yes I know you do not have my new phone number in Greensboro yet. We put off getting a real phone so we just got one and I was all swept up in World's Largest Textbook proofreading assignment; I haven't had a chance to send out a "We've Moved" thingamabob.

And I will answer emails thanking you for the bday greetings when we get back to Greensboro tomorrow night. Hey, how'd you guys know it was my birthday, anyway?

By the way, why do they no longer make pre-done "We've Moved" cards? I searched high and low. I did, however, buy some really pretty stationery with brown birds on it, so if you know me, look for the brown bird "We've Moved" note coming soon.

So. Other than flashing the maintenance guy, my birthday was fun.

I was at my mother's cabin, and as we were putting things away on the first day, she said, "Oh. The propane tank is leaking. We may blow up, and we certainly have no hot water."

Okay, now, what now? I don't care if we blow up, but I will need to SHOWER. No hot water?!?! I hate to be all Zsa Zsa Gabor, but again, NOW, WHAT, NOW?

Of course, as I have mentioned, there is no phone up there, so like Ma Ingalls or something, my mother had to drive into town (Ma was often gettin' into her SUV to make calls from town) and call the propane guy. So on the day of my birth, we knew propane guy would come at SOME point, we just didn't know when.

Well, this is not good for someone like me. We had 750 people coming up for this birthday dinner and I looked like sparklefraffle. Have you SEEN my hair in the morning? I look like a dead dandelion who mated with a mountain goat.

Finally, I decided I could not take a chance at friends and relatives seeing me in this shape. So folks, I took a cold shower.

It was in the top five of the worst experiences I have ever had.

Do you know Katherine Hepburn took a cold shower every morning? This could explain her terrible shaking.  IT IS SO PAINFUL! You can't even really BREATHE right, it is so awful. And I had to do it all: wash, condition, shave the legs. I mean, it was my BIRTHDAY, I had to look nice.

I got out of that torture chamber, wrapped a towel around me, and went into the living room to complain. "That was HIDEOUS!" I screamed, running into the room.

"Um. Ma'am? Do you know where your thermostat is?"

It was the propane guy. Gettin' a nice look at my middle-aged self all in my Royal Canon. Nothing comes between me and my Royal Canon.

Is Royal Canon a towel or a typewriter? Whatever.

Of course, the worst part of this story is that seeing as propane guy was THERE, it meant that 20 minutes later the water was warm.

I hate everything.

Anyway, I am in my mother's basement and I have much to tell you about our anniversary and our dog and how I have been a poor vegetarian (but a good runner!) but Marvin is all antsy to get on the road back home. I am looking forward to holding Miss Dog Pants and her enormous blonde butt for 600 miles again, too.

So I will talk at you soon. Please be sure to send lots of emails telling me how you can't get ahold of me during the rest of my vacation. I love that.

15 thoughts on “June, your 43-year-old blogging pal, returns.

  1. Your hair looks adorable! I think a good cold shower is good for anyone now and then (makes us appreciate progress). I’ve already forgotten your dog’s name – was it Paul or Duke? Some Oafette just walked across our lawn taking pictures of our fence. I have to go and use one of my scare tactics.

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  2. I probably shouldn’t say this, but my sister, you know her as J, used to moon the boys dorm EVERY morning before school.And the Sonic!!!

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  3. June, we missed you! I’m sure the Propane Guy was happy to see you :o)
    But I have to say I have no sympathy for your cold shower. We currently have no running water at all (like, can’t flush the toilet, situation, reminds me of post Hurricane Gloria when I was 7) because the house has sprung a massive leak and we’ve had to shut it off until the plumber gets here tomorrow morning. Like, dining room carpet is soaked and water stains are running up the wall.
    Fabulous! Looks like I’ll be showing at the YMCA tomorrow. I feel like a hobo or something, showing at the Y. I just hope they have dividers – I’m not into that communal shower thing.

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  4. Oh, and I’ve been wanting to ask how you are able to swing vacation time with being relatively new on the job? Did you tell your boss you hired out to proof all the road signs from the Carolinas to Michigan?

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  5. Now, June….NO flashing truckers on the interstate on the way home. Those air horms are really loud and could scare Talullah and distract Marvin from his driving.
    Be safe!!

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  6. Well, look at this way. You will never forget this birthday.
    (Neither will the propane guy.)
    Did I ever tell you about when I flashed some poor construction worker at our house? Fortunately it was years ago when I was thinner. And younger. That makes ME feel better, anyway.

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  7. Ew, a cold shower! That does sound awful! How could you even shave your legs with all the goosebumps? Aaa!
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, and pretend I was on the phone with you at 6 am saying so.
    I bet the propane guy wished HE could have a cold shower.

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  8. What did you expect from all your FANS????…to just sit and WAIT?….I know everyone has missed their “mornings with June”, like I have….you’d best be thinking of some posts on the way home with LAP dog!..Ok…now, for the visual…..you were holding a TYPEWRITER when you saw the propane guy?….lol…I think that makes a GREAT read!!….

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  9. Have a safe trip back, you three!!
    Hurry back! I need a Tula picture fix!!
    Hopefully you’ll share some special car photos with us!!

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  10. Seeing that cold works, why don’t you pad your lap with ice packs on the way home. The dog might not like that! 🙂
    Smiles,
    Nancy

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