I haven't even had coffee yet, and here I am writing you. You're welcome.
Ran eight miles yesterday, at my usual blistering 14:30 pace. You can make fun of me all you want, did YOU run eight miles yesterday? Okay, then.
My plan was to actually run in a neighborhood. So far all I've done is run at the track or on the treadmill, which, could I feel more like a gerbil? Especially when I hang the water bottle against the wall like that and it bang bang bangs when I suck at it.
So, I went on a site where people in Greensboro have already gone on and said, "Hey. This is a good running route!" I found several that were four miles long, and figured I'd do one twice.
But you know what? I don't know where anything is in this city. All I know is Battleground Avenue and the dog park. I really have to expand my repertoire. Anyway, I got impatient and just got on the treadmill. Afterward, I gnawed a paper towel roll.
Actually, by the time I was done it was 5:28 p.m. and we had plans to meet Cooper's mom at the dog park sometime between 6 and 7. So I had to rush into the shower, which is really what you want to do after you've been on the treadmill 114 minutes.
Then I am sorry to tell you that as I was getting dressed I realized that Steel Magnolias was on the Ovary Network. Marvin actually said, "What movie is this?"
I do not understand men. Every woman on earth knows that is the best movie ever ever ever, other than When Harry Met Sally, and they would recognize it after one frame. Any movie that has the line, "He doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his ass" is not to be forgotten.
I sat there and watched from the Armadillo cake scene to the actual wedding.
And speaking of ridiculous movies, on Friday night, Tallulah and I watched Lassie Come Home, with Roddy MacDowell and Elizabeth Taylor when they were children. I mean, when they were in the movie they were children. I don't mean the two of them went back in time, became kids, and came to my house to watch this movie with me. But you probably knew that.
Could Elizabeth Taylor have been a more beautiful child? Holy crap. Have you seen this movie? Oh. So MANY terrible things happen to Lassie. I called my mother and reiterated the plot on her answering machine, while I sobbed. I had to leave five messages cause her stupid machine kept cutting me off.
When I was done, Marvin said, "Why don't you call back and tell her the plot of 2001: A Space Odyssey?"
Whatever with Marvin. Whatever with answering machines that have a time limit.
I have to get ready now for my massage. I know you feel sorry for me. I've had this ding-dang spa gift certificate for over a year now and I am finally using it. Although the last time I had a one-hour relaxation massage, I had a panic attack during it. So I can make anything awful, really.
Juan Valdez is calling. He and Mrs. Folger say if I don't get some coffee, they're going to ground me. BAH!