I am in here because Marvin is watching a documentary about seahorses. I am not even making that up. Really, how could I make that up? I am surprised that Marvin would be pursuing any movie at this juncture, as we just returned from the movie Australia, which neither of us knew was 12 hours long. … Continue reading Huge Ackman
Tonight I was on my way to get antidepressants for my cat (shut up) and the song Waterloo by ABBA was on. I think one of you may have mentioned that it was your least-most-favorite song back when I asked you all to write in and tell me your least-most-favorite songs. And while I understand … Continue reading And how could I ever refuse? I feel like I win when I loooooooose.
I get irritated when people say "Turkey Day." I know this makes me the crabbiest person on earth, but what else is new. It's just one of those we've-heard-it-already phrases that I am over, along with voracious reader and metrosexual. I guess metrosexual is a word, and not a phrase, per se. Do you know what no … Continue reading Sans turkey
I'm fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, Lord, this has been a harrowing few days. Seriously. I took your advice and called the mammogram place back and asked them to s-l-o-w-ly read me my test results. The woman said, "An asymmetrical speculated density. Oh, see honey, that's nothing! He's just speculating there's a density." The 15 minutes I had … Continue reading I know you were looking forward to replacing me with a funnier blogger, but no such luck.
Me, in September, before my WHOLE LIFE GOT CRAPPY. And not to mention carpy. Remember a few months ago, when I went to the doctor because my face was numb and I thought it was a pulled muscle or something and he said no no, you have some horrid brain thing and I went two … Continue reading Wherein June is inspirational to no one.
It is Sunday night, and I am drinking my 57th Aquapod of the night because Marvin and I had Chinese food for dinner and Mr. Salty called and wants his sodium content back. Yeesch. I feel like a salt lick. It is going to bother my mother that I am drinking this much water before … Continue reading What Smells Loud?
You guys! Look what happened! Faithful reader Tarva went out and adopted the cutest puppy you ever did see and she named it June! Her husband hates me, as does her other dog! Oh, LOOK at that puppy! Look at Lucky's irked expression! This whole thing has made me very exclamation pointy!
Peedaddle. Which trust me, is a euphemism for some much stronger language, over here. I just spent an HOUR writing an whole huge post, and the thing got lost. Many bad words are being said here in the house of the Gardensalad. So let me reiterate, before I was so RUDELY interrupted by stupid stupid … Continue reading Shelf this
Faithful reader Stephanie just made me a part of Donna's family. In the '70s. It's like I'm visiting from the future, telling Donna's mom a little secret. "Donna is gonna put this picture on mybloooooog! We are all gonna obsess over it! Don't spend your money on this phoooootoooo!" But while you're up, what … Continue reading This blog just keeps gettin’ weirder
Poor Faithful Reader Juice thought Faithful Reader Paula was really dead, based on some stupid joke I made in a post. We are all very lucky that Juice is at least cute. Anyway, Paula checked in from hell many times... Just Paula. said in reply to Juice (and inflatable Toast) (and Chloe)... Yes. I died. … Continue reading Special of the Week
[Recently, this whole page broke. Because I'm good with computers. Is what I am. So if I used to link to you and no longer do, please email me. Because I didn't forget you on purpose.] The Blue Hour Chocolate Diapers My Topography Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds Chatting at the Sky Blue Poppy The … Continue reading Blogs By The Slice
Faithful reader Donna sent me her family portrait, which was taken last week. Okay, I really think it was taken a long time ago, because otherwise, hello, awkward! Umm, thanks, Faithful Reader Donna! Your sister has such nice, um, mushroom bangs! And that kicky scarf! (for those of you who did not grow up … Continue reading Oh carp. I forgot to give this one a title.
Okay, what the Sam Hill is up with my Typepad template, here? Who moved my cheese? It's all differented up. Do not like. They have added what are probably helpful geegaws and doodads. Cut it out. Do not help me. I liked things the old, complicated way. I have to go churn the butter now. … Continue reading Also, I’d like to stick with the idea that the earth is flat, thank you.
There are so many things I keep forgetting to tell you, what with the busyness of preparing for the Marvin birthday. First of all, a Weimaraner peed on me, which is not something you soon forget. I am sorry to tell you that it is not the first time that something has peed on me, … Continue reading Urine for a good post today
Well, it's November 18th. Time for Marvin's mom, dad, sister--and of course me, his wife--to take time out of our busy lives to contemplate Marvin's creepy floating head yet another year. Happy 187th birthday, Marvin!
I am at lunch, and am in the middle of the WORLD'S MOST IMPOSSIBLE DEADLINE. Naturally, I decided to post. I got an evite today, to a party in Los Angeles. Obvs, somebody forgot to take me off their party list. The dress code was "Fabulous." Who has plummeted into depression? Who wants to hop … Continue reading The pity party? Table of one?
I don't know why you all thought my Ann Landers quote was directed at you. I was really saying I was dumb, seeing as I have never once talked about ideas or things on this blog. Well, there was the Lean Cuisine Vending Machine idea, and of course the runaway dog magnet. Two fine ideas. … Continue reading My Diary. Secrets of the Gardensalad
Yeah. I'm too tired to look at my diaries tonight. Marvin and I went to Target this evening, because we are livin' it up, livin' it up, Friday night, that way, so I could get more of this Topamax that is not makin' me nutty in the slightest. At any rate. For those of you … Continue reading Waylaid by pasta, tripped up by Topamax
For those of you who wonder if Marvin wears briefs or boxers (yes, people do write in and ask me that very thing), the answer is boxers. I should know, as I am wearing them. My life is out of control, dawgs. Out of control. I opened my underwear drawer this morning only to see … Continue reading Dear Diary, Part Deuxbag
I have kept a diary since fifth grade, when my Grammy got me a Holly Hobby-esque one for Christmas. She also got me a pen with Chanel No. 5-scented ink that same year, and if anyone is wondering what I would like for Christmas, I would still totally enjoy such a thing. I am serious. … Continue reading Dear Lovey Heart, I am Desperate.