Faithful reader Donna sent me her family portrait, which was taken last week.
Okay, I really think it was taken a long time ago, because otherwise, hello, awkward! Umm, thanks, Faithful Reader Donna! Your sister has such nice, um, mushroom bangs! And that kicky scarf! (for those of you who did not grow up in the '70s, we aimed for that mushroom bang look. I mean, that was the look we were actually going for.)
Now, if you already know me in real life, you don't need to be told that I was absolutely obsessed with this picture all day. The fact that this family clearly lived at the bottom of a cup of Lipton tea with those sepia tones, the whole story I made up in my head about why they made the one guy go way in the back. In fact, I decided it was necessary for me to print this out on the color printer at work, so I could frame it and put it up at home.
Marvin and I have about 9 million photos framed of people we don't know, so the weirdness factor there is not all that high. For us. Or for Culpepper. So anyway, I sent myself this photo at work and when I went to print it, I discovered that I am not hooked up to the color printer at work.
You have never seen anyone's feathers so ruffled in all your life. I have never been so insulted. What is the MEANING of not hooking me up to the color printer? Surely the proofreader/editor, who never prints anything but Word documents about once every other week, needs full access to the color printer!?! Did they think I was somehow going to abuse the privilege, and use the color printer for personal reasons?
Of course, it was right about this time that it dawned on me that I was needing the color printer–for the first time in seven months of working at that place–to print out a family portrait of a group of people I do not know, which I guess if you want to get technical counts as a personal use of the color printer. Whatever.
But I have also decided that the floating head picture should totally come back, like the carnation. It should be cool again. This is why I, June, have a delightful offer for anyone who wants it. I am TOTALLY WILLING to go to my local Sears Portrait Studio to have a photograph of my head taken, and I do not see why they couldn't hook up with your local Sears Portrait Studio there in Lubbock or wherever, so that you could have my floating head up against your family portrait.
Think of the years of fun you'll have explaining to people who the Sam Hill that is, there, in your family picture! Think of how delighted your husband will be when you make him and all your kids get dressed up in the matching khaki pants/white shirt combo again on his one day off that week, and then how MUCH happier he'll be when the proofs come in with my big melon in the background! Oh! The giggles we'll have!
I'm certain we'll have issues with my, you know, hair taking up all that room, but that's what Photoshop is for. Surely Sears has access to Photoshop, right?
Here is a nice preview shot. Do you like this? Imagine it on your stairwell for the next 15 years.