Wherein June is inspirational to no one.

DSCF1181Me, in September, before my WHOLE LIFE GOT CRAPPY.  And not to mention carpy.

Remember a few months ago, when I went to the doctor because my face was numb and I thought it was a pulled muscle or something and he said no no, you have some horrid brain thing and I went two or three weeks thinking I might have some sort of horrid brain thing and then it turned out to be nothing?

Yeah.

So, first of all, I cracked a tooth this week, which I know for the rest of normal society would be like, "Ugh. I have to go to the dentist. Yuck."

For me, in the meantime, I am half hoping to be stuck dead by lightning before my Wednesday appointment, I will have trouble sleeping until it gets here, and the day of I have to take Xanax. Just writing about it now I am starting to shake a little.

I am not pretty about the dentist.

Then, today I called home to check my messages to see if Ruby's test results came back (and for those of you who know me in real life who keep emailing me about her, she is not dying or anything. She is just old. She is going to be okay, for now). There was one message.

"Hello, June, this is the mammogram center calling."

I was all, hunh. Did I leave my coat there or something? Seriously. That is how in denial I was. My coat. Did I leave my coat there. "Please call us at your earliest convenience."

Well, guess what? My earliest convenience turned out to be right that second. And they told me they found "a density" in my test and need to do another test before they turn in their final report.

"Okay," I said. "How scared do I need to be?"

"Well," said the woman, "the results say a density of bluh de bluh bluh, with a bloobidy bloo bloo and other medical things that I am saying at 45 miles an hour because I am as sensitive as sandpaper, but it also says it doesn't look like a malignancy. I call about eight woman a day with this sort of thing."

"Um-hmm. And how many of them die of breast cancer?" I asked her.

"Your doctor, Dr. Yow? Yooo–"

"Yoo," I snapped.

"Yoo — can tell you more. He has these results too." So my hysterical you-have-a-tumor doctor has waited a WEEK and hasn't called me about my "density"?

I made an appointment for NEXT TUESDAY. Not tomorrow, NEXT DING AND ALSO DANG TUESDAY for I don't even know what test. I talked to Dr. Yow/Yooooo/Yo's nurse who said Dr. Yoo did NOT have my results, so who even knows what to believe. In the meantime I went to my boss's office to tell her I'd be missing work next ridiculous Tuesday morning.

"Cindy," I said, "they –"

And that was as far as I got before I started to cry in front of my boss. The one who doesn't like me as it is. Then I went in my office and sat on the floor for two hours, one of them my lunch hour, one of them not, and sobbed.

I cannot handle this.

I am not strong.

I JUST WENT THROUGH THIS. I JUST DID! I JUST FINISHED NOT HAVING A BRAIN TUMOR.

COME ON!

I cannot believe I have this AND a dentist appointment in the same week. Seriously. Next thing you'll tell me it's the all-jazz-all-cilantro Thanksgiving this year. With mimes.

My father did point out that if it is something, that at least I could get a wig that didn't, you know, frizz up. Which I guess is something. But in the meantime I am not taking it one step at a time. I am not being stoic. I am not keeping my wits about me.

THIS IS HORRIFYING.

69 thoughts on “Wherein June is inspirational to no one.

  1. Same thing happened to Sheila. The mammogram office called; not the doctor’s office. The doctor’s office had not seen the x-ray. The mammogram office had almost no helpful info and told her to come back for another test. She made a doctor’s appt., went and had another test. It was only a cyst. I guess they’re very common but she cried for a week, too, before she knew for sure. Try not to worry.
    Drove by your old pink house tonight. Miss you.

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  2. Best of luck June. I am sure everything will be fine. Sorry you have to go through it all at once. But you know that people all around the world are thinking good thoughts about you and hoping you are just fine. You are loved.

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  3. Okay, this is the week that you get to be an absolute be-atch on wheels and threaten Mr Gardensalad’s manhood if he even THINKS of watching one of those ENDLESS Who documentaries. He is to YOKO you until you know exactly what is going on, bring you Sonic chili dogs and take care of your every single need. And I’m just the woman to take him out if he loses focus for an instant!
    We’re here for you girlfriend, hang in there!

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  4. Ok. “J” should most certainly win comment of the week. Even if this is serious stuff. “the mammoheifer” just killed me. How come people see MY name and think I am a boy but they see the letter “J” and assume you’re a girl? Huhn????
    “J”??? Do you have a blog?? Me thinks you and June should write one together.
    I am assuming June is reading our comments, but not wanting to talk about it just as she didn’t want to talk about The Tumahh.
    June ~ We miss you and love you. That is all.

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  5. Did your Non-Brain Tumor teach you nothing? Stop worrying and simply do what they want you to do. Everything will be fine! I hope your tooth is o.k. You should do what I do. My dentist is drop dead beautiful. You don’t notice the pain when you are looking at a hot doctor!

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  6. June,
    This happened to me. And I spoke with the same robotic troll. You are going to get the super masher which hurts a little more and you will have to wait for results (AGAIN!) But you will be okay…if Hank the miracle angel baby can pull through what he did, this is cake-I mean pie. I’ll be praying for you and giving thanks tomorrow for all the laughs you have given me!

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  7. Well, piss, peeling eggs and washing sheets and towels for company that is one the way and just found I used the last ding dang capful of my Downy Special Pleasures. Is there anybody out there that could administer the beating I would rather have over going to Walwart today, the DAY before Thanksgiving!

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  8. Logged on to have you cheer me up. I “gave my job back to my company” last Tuesday and I am ‘Mrs.Did-I-do-the-right-thing-sad-grumpypants’ today.
    Your post definitely puts things into perspective though. I’ll be saying lots of prayers for peace for you – for the dentist – and for the mamm. issue also. I love this quote from Corrie ten Boom: “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it robs today of its strength.” Feel better (emotionally & physically) soon!!

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