It’s beginning to look a lot like Kermis

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Winston, on my lap today. Do you enjoy my heart pajamas?

You know what was a brilliant idea? The idea that, hey, I'll just pop into Target for some Mucinex. On SATURDAY, DECEMBER FOURTEENTH.

Still, it was nowhere near as busy as it would've been in LA. Ditto for the post office, whose doorstep I darkened yet another Saturday. This time there was a bit of a line, and when it was my turn I said to the woman, "I have something unusuall for you; I have some Christmas boxes I need to send."

And you know she didn't smile? What a crabapple. I can't imagine why she'd feel stressed at this time of year.

It is hard for me to say "Christmas" and not "Kermis," because back when we were engaged, my grandmother–not that I was engaged to my grandmother. She asked, but I just wasn't ready to commit–gave Marvin the Christmas list I made for her in about 1972, which would have made me seven years old. It is titled "Chirmas Lest" and I ask for exciting things such as a white belt and "underpantch," which, hello mom. Nice telling me what to ask for for Christmas. Or Kermis. So, yeah, my misspelling in 1972 has resulted in Marvin and me mispronouncing it to sound like Kermis for 11 years now, and it is right up there with how I always want to say "big-bone-ded" instead of big-boned, which is an old family joke and I will bet anyone on my mother's side has trouble not saying big bone-ded.

And yes, we do also pronounce it "underpantch," as well. I imagine listening to us talk is a lot like when twins make up their own language or whatever.

So ANYWAY, the balls are up!

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Marvin spent eleventy hours this morning with his Jewish self, hanging lights and balls. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel…

Winston got all manly and helped him too. He was quite proud of himself.

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We also put up our tree this week, which is my first fake tree ever. Last year I got a North Carolina tree and immediately ceased breathing for the three weeks it was in our house, and also broke out in a lovely rash all over my chestal region, because I am sexy that way. What is up with people being allergic to trees all of a sudden? My whole life I've had a real tree and all of a sudden I get all verklempt.

So I decided if I had to have a fake tree I was going really fake.

Kermistree  

Hello, drag queen tree. Seriously, I love it. It is like Liberace's tree. Getting a fake tree was the best thing that ever happened to me. It totally fits with my glitter and boas and over the top thing I like to do at Kermis.

Orn  

Here is a close-up of one of my grandmother's ornaments that I now have. Most of my ornaments are silver and gold (surprise! Miss Piggy called. Wants her taste back), but I love my grandmother's things, too.

Anyway, after running around all day I got home right at sunset and as I turned the corner I squealed!

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Look at our cool lights! Cars were stopped looking at them! Should I tell them how easy it was?

36 thoughts on “It’s beginning to look a lot like Kermis

  1. Lights and tree look fantastic. I was just wondering how on earth did you cart all of the items needed to make this (especially the chicken wire) to work? I can see a production line happening at work to make the balls for everyone else now that they have seen them up and lit.

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  2. Dear Donna,
    The POULTRY FENCING came in a plastic-wrapped package, so that was easy. The 14 boxes of lights? Took many trips. And I work on the second floor of what used to be an old barn, so there was a lot of schlepping up steps. Still, it was easier than if I’d have tried to do these on my own.

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  3. Well June all I can think to say is:
    It’s beginning to look a lot like Kermis
    or
    Oh Kermis tree oh Kermis tree
    or
    We wish you a Merry Kermis
    We wish you a Merry Kermis
    We wish you a Merry kermis
    and a Happy New Year.
    or
    ok ok I’ll leave .. love your balls .. love your Kermis tree .. should I be capitalising the K in Kermis like you MUST do in the word Christmas?

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  4. The picture of Winston on the ladder is made for I Can Has Cheezburger! I suck at the captions though – maybe “I’m on ur ladder, laughin at ur balls.”
    Note: apologies to the readers for making our proofreader’s eyeballs explode with bad English, therefore impeding her blogging ability.

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  5. So Beautiful. I did not make you ask for underpantch. You were always creative and thought that up for yourself. I think it’s pretty good spelling for a 7 year old.

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  6. I thought I was the only person who refers to a certain body region as her chestal region! Wow! We could be related….except I’m not allergic to real trees.

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  7. Ever been to the Liberace Museum in Vegas??? It’s a hoot! I was actually suprised by his philanthropic self, didn’t know that much about him. But my favorite part is the collection of capes, and… (gasp) HOT PANTS! šŸ™‚
    Check it out!!!

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  8. Hey June,
    You probably are allergic to real trees now, because they are spraying them with a fire retardant! I just found this out and I hate it!

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  9. I love the white tree! It sort of looks like it’s made out of feathers in your full-length version. How fun! And of course the yard balls look great! Tree balls. Whatever.

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  10. Shweaty balls is one of my favorite SNL skits. Baldwin was great. Oh, June, I love your balls, but I love your white tree even more. Sexy is what it is. Not at all like shweaty balls

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  11. Hi June, I popped in from The Hotfessional ‘cuz she said you’re witty. WELL dammit all to heck, now I’m hooked because you are SO WITTY. And your readers, too!
    And I’ll never EVER think of Christmas again without switching it in my head to Kermis.

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  12. You are the only person who can consistently make me laugh out loud when reading. For some reason that’s harder to do.
    Did Marvin get you anything from that 1072 list?

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  13. You are the only person who can consistently make me laugh out loud when reading. For some reason that’s harder to do.
    Did Marvin get you anything from that 1072 list?

    Like

  14. You are the only person who can consistently make me laugh out loud when reading. For some reason that’s harder to do.
    Did Marvin get you anything from that 1972 list?

    Like

  15. Okay, I’m de-lurking to tell you how fabulous the balls look! And I agree that Winston’s photo on the ladder needs to be submitted to I Can Has Cheezburger…he’s way too cool!

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  16. Huh… You know… kermis… it is the dutch word for fun fair šŸ™‚ So it confuddled me a bit šŸ™‚
    I love love love that white tree!!! And the balls in the yard are pretty too šŸ™‚
    Cheers Eva
    PS: I’m wondering how many people will find your post through googling and how disappointed they’ll be about the ‘balls in the yard’ being lightballs hehehe

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  17. Oh my god!!! THE tree…the TREE….THE TREE!
    How spectacular and it looks just like you.
    It’s funny how childhood pronunciations stay with families forever: our dog Sheba ended up as deebies; sneakers are still called snillas; and Joe Allen down the street will forever be named Soda Island. And no one will let me forget that the words to a rap song: “n…. what, n…. who,” were boldly sung by me – repeatedly I might add – as “take a bus, dig a hole.” And just yesterday, while reciting the Gettysburg Address to my 7-month-old granddaughter (WHAT? She’s brilliant!) I said “For score and twenty.” I must have had it mixed up with four and seven blackbirds….

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  18. Oh my god!!! THE tree…the TREE….THE TREE!
    How spectacular and it looks just like you.
    It’s funny how childhood pronunciations stay with families forever: our dog Sheba ended up as deebies; sneakers are still called snillas; and Joe Allen down the street will forever be named Soda Island. And no one will let me forget that the words to a rap song: “n…. what, n…. who,” were boldly sung by me – repeatedly I might add – as “take a bus, dig a hole.” And just yesterday, while reciting the Gettysburg Address to my 7-month-old granddaughter (WHAT? She’s brilliant!) I said “For score and twenty.” I must have had it mixed up with those four and seven blackbirds baked in a pie….

    Like

  19. The balls are divine.
    Your tree? You are most definitely a gay man. That tree SCREAMS Liberace and candelabras and says “I’m a faaaaaabulous treeeeeee!”
    And, we call it Kritmis. Me and all my Jewish relatives, that is! I must laugh – Dan’s Mom used to have to sneak here to help us decorate the tree – we had to keep it secret from her parents! Isn’t that funny? We’re putting up the tree tonight!
    Lastly, the Schwetty Ball skit on SNL was one of the funniest and most memorable. Other Christmas fav from SNL was Tonto and Frankenstein and some other character singing Christmas carols! Hilarious!
    Merry Kermis, Junie!
    xo,

    Like

  20. I freaking love the balls BUT…
    Do you ever watch Ghost Hunters or Most Haunted? They’re always catching these green glowing balls darting around, invisible to the human eye but they check the footage later and BAM. Green glowing balls.
    Kinda like your haunted yard.
    I just put a ladder in the middle of my yard in a feeble attempt to lure The Awesome Winston over to my hood.

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  21. I freaking love the balls BUT…
    Do you ever watch Ghost Hunters or Most Haunted? They’re always catching these green glowing balls darting around, invisible to the human eye but they check the footage later and BAM. Green glowing balls.
    Kinda like your haunted yard.
    I just put a ladder in the middle of my yard in a feeble attempt to lure The Awesome Winston over to my hood.

    Like

  22. 5. Loved the drag queen tree.
    4. Marvin dragging his Jewish self out to put up Christmas decorations. LOL!
    3. Loved the yard and all the lighted balls.
    2. Love your grandmother’s decorations.
    1. Loved the photo of Winston outside helping Marvin. šŸ™‚

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  23. 5. Loved the drag queen tree.
    4. Marvin dragging his Jewish self out to put up Christmas decorations. LOL!
    3. Loved the yard and all the lighted balls.
    2. Love your grandmother’s decorations.
    1. Loved the photo of Winston outside helping Marvin. šŸ™‚

    Like

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