I had many pressing things to tell y'all, but The Wizard of Oz was on, and it was important that I watch the entire thing from start to finish, and cry during Somewhere Over the Rainbow, because I haven't done all that 290 times throughout the course of my life or anything.
And yes, I do understand that The Wizard of Oz is a musical. I like it anyway. It is the one exception I make in the whole I-hate-musicals department. I didn't even mind the Cowardly Lion's speech about courage as much as I usually do.
Did you ever notice that right before Dorothy sings Over the Rainbow, she takes ONE BITE of that cruller Auntie Em gives her, and then throws the rest on the ground? What sort of person wastes a good cruller that just rose up, which Auntie Em tells her it just did, clear as day? Also, when she wakes back up after the tornado and is back home, what's going to stop that Crabby Appleton Miss Gulch from taking Toto again? Are we to assume she actually melted in real life?
I totally want Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead played at the beginning of my funeral, and I will be really angry if it doesn't happen. Serious haunting during pooping will occur, loved ones.
Anyway, my pressing pieces of news are as follows.
First of all, do you remember how I am on Topamax, which is an anti-migraine drug that I take every day? At first I was so cloudy on that thing it was pathetic. It was like that scene in Gone With the Wind where Scarlett can see nothing but fog, (and her hair looks limp and flyaway). But I stuck with it and I started remembering that conditioner came after shampoo (no, really. At first I struggled with it. It is like you are always Cheech or Jethro Bodine when you first take Topamax). Well, one of the OTHER side effect of Topamax is weight loss, and let me tell you what. I have lost TWELVE POUNDS since I started taking that stuff about two months ago.
TWELVE POUNDS! I am a rail! Okay, I am a rail if a rail had a marsupial abdomen and kind of fleshy hips, but still. I am noticeably thinner. I really do not care if I eat or not. Every 12 hours or so I'll go, what is that uncomfortable feeling and I realize it's actual hunger. Then I take two bites of something and I am over it. Is this how that stylist Zoe whoever feels? The one whose bones show like that piece of meat Fred Flintstone orders that tips over his car? Because it's pretty great.
Perhaps I, too, would throw the Auntie Em cruller.
And now page two. The other thing I wanted to tell you is that a really elegant, fancy women at work, who I admire and wish to be JUST LIKE, and who I am never gonna be like because I use the F word 700 times a day and have tattoos and let's face it, I am one needle away from being Nancy Spungen so why do I admire Jackie Kennedy women? Anyway, said woman at work loaned me a first edition, SIGNED book and I have been not eating while I read it, which for me is saying something because I love to read and eat. Also, I have been putting it way up high in a closet when I am not reading it, as opposed to the dangerous Tallulah smorgasbord bookshelf. Anyway, today I was holed up in my room because Marvin had his friend Ron over to play guitars, and I was reading said book, and I got up to get some juice and TALLULAH ATE THE BOOK. SHE ATE IT.
I SCREEEEEAAAAAMMMED and I cried and I do not know how that dog is still alive and not at the pound right now. I went online and found another first edition, signed book and bought it, even though we are dead broke, and tomorrow I have to tell this elegant, perfect woman and every time I think about it I want to THROW UP in fear.
And in conclusion, my Sirius radio? Gettin' an ABBA channel. My life is complete.
You know what? If there were a tornado and my house blew over to Oz, Tallulah would just EAT my ruby slippers and I would never get back home.