And my head I’d be scratchin’…

DSCF1055It has been a long time since I threw random photos in, so I will do that today, because The Nester recommends photos in one's blog and she gets 79 million readers a minute. 

I had many pressing things to tell y'all, but The Wizard of Oz was on, and it was important that I watch the entire thing from start to finish, and cry during Somewhere Over the Rainbow, because I haven't done all that 290 times throughout the course of my life or anything.

And yes, I do understand that The Wizard of Oz is a musical. I like it anyway. It is the one exception I make in the whole I-hate-musicals department. I didn't even mind the Cowardly Lion's speech about courage as much as I usually do.

ComehitherDid you ever notice that right before Dorothy sings Over the Rainbow, she takes ONE BITE of that cruller Auntie Em gives her, and then throws the rest on the ground? What sort of person wastes a good cruller that just rose up, which Auntie Em tells her it just did, clear as day? Also, when she wakes back up after the tornado and is back home, what's going to stop that Crabby Appleton Miss Gulch from taking Toto again? Are we to assume she actually melted in real life?

I totally want Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead played at the beginning of my funeral, and I will be really angry if it doesn't happen. Serious haunting during pooping will occur, loved ones. 

Anyway, my pressing pieces of news are as follows.

First of all, do you remember how I am on Topamax, which is an anti-migraine drug that I take every day? At first I was so cloudy on that thing it was pathetic. It was like that scene in Gone With the Wind where Scarlett can see nothing but fog, (and her hair looks limp and flyaway). But I stuck with it and I started remembering that conditioner came after shampoo (no, really. At first I struggled with it. It is like you are always Cheech or Jethro Bodine when you first take Topamax). Well, one of the OTHER side effect of Topamax is weight loss, and let me tell you what. I have lost TWELVE POUNDS since I started taking that stuff about two months ago.

DSCF1328 TWELVE POUNDS! I am a rail! Okay, I am a rail if a rail had a marsupial abdomen and kind of fleshy hips, but still. I am noticeably thinner. I really do not care if I eat or not. Every 12 hours or so I'll go, what is that uncomfortable feeling and I realize it's actual hunger. Then I take two bites of something and I am over it. Is this how that stylist Zoe whoever feels? The one whose bones show like that piece of meat Fred Flintstone orders that tips over his car? Because it's pretty great.

Perhaps I, too, would throw the Auntie Em cruller.

And now page two. The other thing I wanted to tell you is that a really elegant, fancy women at work, who I admire and wish to be JUST LIKE, and who I am never gonna be like because I use the F word 700 times a day and have tattoos and let's face it, I am one needle away from being Nancy Spungen so why do I admire Jackie Kennedy women? Anyway, said woman at work loaned me a first edition, SIGNED book and I have been not eating while I read it, which for me is saying something because I love to read and eat. Also, I have been putting it way up high in a closet when I am not reading it, as opposed to the dangerous Tallulah smorgasbord bookshelf. Anyway, today I was holed up in my room because Marvin had his friend Ron over to play guitars, and I was reading said book, and I got up to get some juice and TALLULAH ATE THE BOOK. SHE ATE IT.

CoppertoneI SCREEEEEAAAAAMMMED and I cried and I do not know how that dog is still alive and not at the pound right now. I went online and found another first edition, signed book and bought it, even though we are dead broke, and tomorrow I have to tell this elegant, perfect woman and every time I think about it I want to THROW UP in fear.

And in conclusion, my Sirius radio? Gettin' an ABBA channel. My life is complete.

You know what? If there were a tornado and my house blew over to Oz, Tallulah would just EAT my ruby slippers and I would never get back home.

30 thoughts on “And my head I’d be scratchin’…

  1. Oh, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about Tallulah eating the signed first edition! Our last dog (died at a very young age and in some ways was lucky to get THAT far!) would have done something like that, she was the naughtiest dog EVER.
    I am so sorry this happened, it is hard to be on guard 24/7 with a devil-dog. Lucky for her she is VERY cute. I hope she will grow out of her book eating habits. I am sure they smell like you and that is why she is eating them?
    Congrats on the weight loss.

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  2. AN ABBA CHANNEL?!?!?! SHUTTUP!!!!!
    I am so jealous. SO. JEALOUS.
    Last night I recorded an informerical. The best informercial ever. It was Power Ballads of Rock and for a half hour they played the BEST PARTS of all the BEST SONGS ever. It was the best 30 minutes of television ever. Have I mentioned that? I am so glad I have it recorded and can sing along to Gun and Roses, Queen and Phil Collins all in the same minute. And that’s just ONE MINUTE. There are 29 more in my magical informerical. There is no ABBA, I’m just trying to come up with something to make YOU jealous and this is what I have.

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  3. Maybe she’s just jealous that you are losing weight and looking so fabulous. So she eats her feelings. By eating things that are important to you. Two birds with one stone, so to speak.

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  4. June, I thought I couldn’t love you anymore but then you said you use the F word 700 times a day. And I f****** wept with joy.

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  5. How old is Tallulah? My German Shepherd puppy lives to make me miserable my eating my things. I have sacrificed my area rug in my living room to her. It’s already destroyed. She can just have it. And now she doesn’t care about it. I cried last night because she chewed my brand new pair of black high heeled shoes. I scream at her a lot. But she’s cute.

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  6. I knwo how you feel. I have a friend who takes her collections very seriously. One year with her Christmas bonus she bought herself all 7 seasons (7? I can’t remember. Let’s just say yes.) of Gilmore Girls, all in very pretty covers, all matchy-matchy. All displayed lovingly on a shelf in her guest bedroom. So, said friend loaned me Season 1. Guess whose daughter jumped on the couch and knocked over a cup of coffee on the cover (which I didn’t notice, I thought it just spilled on the couch) which dried and glued the cover shut! Oh I hated it and didn’t want to tell her because I too was flat broke and didn’t really have the money to replace it. Sigh. So, low and behold, I went into Target when it was really starting to weigh on me, and they had it on sale for $19.99! I snatched that puppy up, gave it to her and admitted what happened. OK, so it probably didn’t cost me the same amount that the first print, signed copy cost you, but I at least relate to the guilt.
    Oh, btw, can we get a little comment from the ex-boyfriend who sometimes reads your blog? Or would that piss Marvin off? Maybe the ex-boyfriend could just call Marvin and tell him that he’s drinking a glass of milk. Or going to the gym. Or out of crackers.

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  7. June!!! We are f****** destined to be best f****** friends! I shock and appall my f****** sister on a f****** daily basis because I drop the word “f***” all the time. I don’t even f****** think about it,unless I’m around someone who can’t f******* take it, so then I try to clean it up a little f****** bit. But then I think “F**** you.! It’s a f****** word. We give words their f****** power. If everone said it, it wouldn’t be so f****** shocking, would it?
    I would like tp know what tattoos you have and where they are. (See? I’m clever! I did not phrase it as a question, so it does not count toward “ask June” day!)
    Also? Sign me up for some Topomax!!! I just had a baby three months ago and am so lucky that I LOSE weight when I’m pregnant, but since my hubby said three is enough, no more baby weight loss magic for me! I need some Topomax, I’m pretty sure I feel a headache coming on right now.

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  8. I too cry during Somewhere Over the Rainbow. I can only watch it when Kahuna is not home because he will sigh 500 million times and say things like “Haven’t you ever SEEN this before?” or “Isn’t there a GAME on?” Yeah we only have one TV.
    Second I used to have migrains but stopped eating pork and they went away. So if I took Topomax I could pig out on pork? But I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t be hungry. What a conundrum.

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  9. By F*** word, I suppose you mean FART?
    And speaking of onery dogs, yesterday my two-year-old German Shepherd practically treed our hugely pregnant cow. Soon-to-be momma cow has practically got the baby hooves hanging out the back end all the while the dog chased her up one side of the pasture and back. BIG TROUBLE!

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  10. So when did shoes on the bed start being allowed?? Tell Mr. Marvin to take his shoes off at the door! 🙂 He is not going to get anything by wearing shoes to bed.

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  11. And here I’ve been dieting and running… It’s called Topamax, you say? MUST get me some ‘o that! I’m sure there’s a pharma over the border that can hook me up.
    I have a great idea! Let’s send MY HUSBAND and YOUR DOG to live together in a cardboard box under the bridge. I think they’ll be happy together. And they can go on living without threat of waking up dead.

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  12. Is Marvin on your bed? He has he shoes on! I really like the furniture.
    I need some of that Topamax! So that’s why you are looking so thin.
    OH NO! I probably would have killed that dog. BTW, did you see WFV last evening? There was a dog on there that had destroyed a room, to include a huge sectional sofa. I mean DESTROYED, chewed up, torn a hole in the back, inside the sofa destroyed! What we endure for our animals. Are you going to tell lovely lady, or just return the book? I really feel for you.

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  13. This is one of the reasons I don’t have a dog. I have notebooks with my writing on them (I write by hand before I type anything into my laptop) and if anyone ate even a paragraph I hadn’t typed in and saved, I would jump out a window. If it was close to deadline, I’d stab myself and then jump.
    Hey, speaking of, let me know if you want a signed first edition of one of my novels…I have a few extras my publisher sent, and I have no idea what else to do with them. (If you don’t like the book, you could always give it to Tallulah.)

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  14. This post has caused me to do a lot of thinking, which doesn’t happen often. I have a lot of questions, if that is okay with you….
    Did any of the dogs jump in the water? Do you cry during Somewhere Over the Rainbow because of the Topamax or the migranes?
    Does Marvin leave his shoes on when he is on the bed or was that totally for the photo? I have to get back to this Topamax. Before the weight loss phase – during the Cheech phase – did you gain any weight from having the munchies? Can you get Topamax if you tell the doctor that your (mine-not yours) weight gives you migranes? Have you encountered book loaning beauty yet? Please don’t leave us hanging here….:]

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  15. Not sure Marvin looks so much as sexy as he looks guilty. Is this the B & B from your wedding/10year anniversary? And yes, the camera angle makes his thighs looks massive.

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  16. It looks like Lula is wearing pink underwear in that last shot, or is it just me?
    Don’t stress about the book. You have bought her another, the same, it will all be fine. Hopefully she will see the funny side.
    And I am all about the F word. Very ladylike.

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  17. June – just wanted to tell you that not one but TWO of the munchkins live in my town and I see them in the grocery store shopping. They’re a little married couple and they are really old. I’m sure you consider me really old and since I consider them really old just imagine how old they are! I think I’m getting migraines. Have a wonderful NC Christmas…Nancy

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  18. I bet if you had told your friend first, she sounds like the sort who would have commiserated, feeling bad for you that you had to go through being so horrified, and then would have laughed it off and told you don’t you dare try to replace it.
    At least, that’s what I would have done, and then you wouldn’t be playing all Gift of the Magi-almost during Christmas week.

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