Ave Maria Antionette

Okay, I can't believe there is anyone out there who wants to read my stupid blog today, but then again I find it hard to believe anyone wants to read my ridiculous blog any day, so there you go.

Happy Christmas Eve! My mother and stepfather got here yesterday and everyone is getting Christmasy.

Lap 

Some of us are hearing our first Christmas stories. While trying to blend into the couch with our dog attire. Notice that the sweater really doesn't fit her anymore. She totally chested out of it. My poor broad man girl.

Anyway, mom and Harry (my stepfather) are staying at a fancy hotel nearby (I guess because they are allergic to cats and we have 70 of them).  We had dinner at their fancy hotel yesterday and then they came over and hung with Lula.

Harrylu 

Apparently she only likes to sit on that couch.

DSCF1613 

Also, my mother actually made dog cookies for her, which she seemed to enjoy.

Have I mentioned my mother is into Christmas, oh, just a smidgen? At their house, along with your regular Christmas decorations and tree and yard stuff,  is Christmas toilet paper, a toilet paper roller thingie that plays Christmas songs when you roll it, a Christmas clock that plays a carol on the hour, a Christmas bedspread, Christmas china and linens, my stepfather has a Christmas tie for every day in December, every DOORKNOB is covered in something Christmasy which makes it impossible to run out screaming into the night. And so on. A minimalist at Christmas she isn't.

We are planning to get up early on the 26th so she can get some decorations for next year.

Jacket 

Anyway, I was getting a charge out of her coat with Christmas pin and vest underneath with…

Vest 

Hey! a Christmas pin, so I made her model it for the camera.

House 

So, for the holiday, my mother and stepfather got us a new house.

Right.

Actually, today we went to this beautiful mansion and toured around, which was lovely and basically made me very, very mad that I am not rich. They wouldn't let you take photos inside, but we took some of the grounds. I am going back in the spring, because I think it'll be to die for. This house had 10 bathrooms. TEN! Do you know how many I have? ONE.

Gate    

When you walk in, there is this lovely entryway, and to the left is a dressing/powder room for women modeled in Marie Antoinette style, which I am sorry to tell you our tour guide called Maria Antionette, and to the right is a rest room for men. This was because people would have journeyed a long way and would need to freshen up before coming all the way in.

Have I mentioned I'm annoyed that I'm not rich? And that I can't banish people to the Maria Antoinette room for a makeover right when they come in? Also, why don't I have a formal breakfast room with marble floors and paintings of winter/spring/summer/fall on my ceiling? And my shower? One nozzle. Their shower head? In the MASTER bath? Had like 20. Plus they had a bathroom scale built right into the floor. Do proofreaders ever get wealthy? What about people with BlogHer ads? Do they?

Crap.

Anyway, Merry Christmas, everyone who celebrates Christmas!! Talk at ya!

31 thoughts on “Ave Maria Antionette

  1. Glad to see your guests arrived safely from the frozed tundra. Everyone looks great and that is good. Hope you have all have a wonderful Christmas. Tallulah looks regal.

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  2. I always tell my daddy that I ought to hit him between the eyes for not being a Getty or a Vanderbilt or even a Hearst. The bad thing is if had been a Hearst I would have had to join the Simpsons Liberation Army or some such nonesense and then I would have had to change my name. Oh wait maybe having money is too much trouble. Nah, I’d do it. 🙂
    Merry Christmas from Gladys

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  3. Christmas Eve just isn’t Christmas Eve without your blog. I will also be checking my Reader before opening presents tomorrow. No pressure.
    Was you mom on Dr. Phil last week? Not that I watch Dr. Phil on a regular basis, but I might have happened to catch an episode with a Christmas-mad woman who had a pimped-out Christmas bathroom complete with a singing wreath that watched you when you peed. I wished she was my mom.
    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

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  4. Wow, isn’t “mother” quite stylish? And my, what lovely teeth. I had no idea. I was picturing something more flannel-ish. Well. The little apple didn’t fall far from the tree, did it? Merry Christmas to the Gardensalad family!
    And as my husband says (talking about himself), “Isn’t it lucky that instead of being born rich, I was born so good-looking.” Yep, that’s what he says.

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  5. I’m cracking up. I wrote the flannel comment and later added the nice teeth part.
    note to self: organize thoughts before typing
    p.s. while inspecting tree ornaments, I noticed an interesting pink dilly on the arm of the chair. Hmm.

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  6. TEN bathrooms? That’s TEN johnny mops, you know. Also, in my world, TEN more opportunities for my family to leave the empty toilet tissue roll on the spindle, with a new roll propped on top. Or, my personal favorite, the time a tissue box was balanced vertically on the empty roll. Apparently, I am the only person in my family qualified to reload the toilet paper spindle. I even list it on my resume as a skill.
    Have a wonderful Christmas June, et al.!!!

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  7. I’m thinking I just figured out why Lula ATE THE BOOK—do you see the look on her face with the sweater on? She’s saying “MOTHER! I hate this sweater you made me wear! Just wait ’til I eat your next book.”
    And your mom–gorgeous. HELLO…with genes like that you’re good to go.
    Third…I’m currently coveting an 18,000 square foot castle we drove past one evening looking at Christmas lights. I’m currently stalking them online with google earth and I fully intend to go knock on their door and ask if they want to sell me the place. I’m pretty sure they’ll be just giddy to sell it to me.

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  8. We made our mini daschu….dacshu….weiner dog wear a sweater. The tag even said ‘Ugly Christmas Sweater’, so we figured it was appropriate. Merry Christmas, and speaking of shirts- when I saw these I thought of you:
    http://www.onehorseshy.com/highbrow/
    Does it count as work-appropriate attire if it has to do with your actual job?

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  9. Oh, June! Thanks for the post. I am so digging your mom’s hair. She has great hair. I hope I can look that great when I get more, ahem, mature.
    I wish I were wealthy everyday. Then I could afford a cleaning person to come clean my house. The one with ten bathrooms and eight bedrooms, that all have fireplaces. Yes, both the baths and bedrooms would have fireplaces. They would always have fires going, even when it’s the middle of summer and 100 degrees outside. Who would care if I was heating up the house when I was running the air? Not me! Because I would be wealthy. I would light the fires myself every morning with hundred dollar bills. About twenty of them.
    Oh oh! I hear sleigh bells jingling. I think Santa is approaching. I better get to bed. Merry Christmas, Gardensalads!

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  10. I also long to be rich, but don’t particularly want to have to do anything (like work hard etc) to make it happen. But if I am ever insanely wealthy, besides 10 bathrooms and a Maria Antionette powder room, I will have a special room that I will banish people to to. Not sure what you’d call such a room, but I think I would be a good banisher.

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  11. That d.o.g. in Marvin’s lap! How funny!! Are you sure that’s your Mom and not your sister.
    Ten bathrooms, that means ten bathrooms to clean, but I suppose if you can afford ten bathrooms you can afford a maid.
    I would love to be super rich. There are so many people I would love to help.

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  12. OK OK OK OK OK you win. That sweater is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a gamillion years.
    I’ve never had a dog I had to “dress” until just a few weeks ago. I see now I could have dressed my bigger dogs (bigger than 4#), but nooooo I was “sensible” and liked my arms attached to their sockets.
    You are a brave brave woman. Poor Tulla.

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  13. Merry Christmas to you & yours, June! So nice to spend the holidays with family. me – stuck in the wilds of CT but at least our well pump works now – long story posted on my blog. Hubby & I are cooking a good dinner, waiting for the Yorkshire pudding to do whatever it has to do after you mix it up and before you cook it – takes an hour. So how sad that I spend that hour on-line, checking my fav blogs. But I am drinking a glass of Prosecca, wearing my jammies – is that still sad?

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  14. Merry Christmas to June, Marvin Gardensalad, Tallulah, Winston, ummmmm…..shit. The vodka and chocolate have taken over my brain.
    and the other cat.
    And your mom. And your stepdad, Harry. And the people who live in that mansion.
    And the geese that live by your office.
    Tell your mom to stop in Ann Arbor on the way back to Saginaw – I have some pins she can have. 😉

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  15. Newsflash – you don’t need 10 bathrooms. Heck, I’ve got 6 kids and I don’t need 10 bathrooms. Although I am glad I do have 4, since the kids all seem to indulge in synchronized pooping. It’s weird, actually.
    I’m way off topic here. Sorry.

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  16. Oh, Chinqua-Penn! My husband took me last February for a birthday outing. I used to go there with my mother when I was a little girl and we would eat a picnic by the clock tower and I loved the pagoda over the pool. One of my very favorite places. 🙂

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  17. If it makes you feel any better, my parents’ house only has one bathroom. One bathroom between 5 people is not so fun – you learn to shower fast. I’m so glad I moved out.

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  18. I am catching up from my Christmas vacation, so I’m just getting to this post. I don’t comment often, but I am a “faithful reader.” Your mom is so, so cute, and you look exactly like her. Does it ever creep you out that strangers know so much about you and could recognize you on the street from the pictures on your blog? This weekend someone was talking about Greensboro, and I almost said, “June lives in Greensboro,” but then I realized they would have no idea whom I was talking about. So I refrained.

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