Ask June Part Two, Electric Boogaloo

In all the "guess what I got for Christmas" excitement, I slap forgot about it being Friday and therefore Ask June day. Today I went on the random number chooser thingie and chose the following queries.

Oh, but before I begin, we need another stern Ask June photo:

Grille

Who went to the 99 cent store for my stocking stuffers and got me a nice grille? Marvin tried to get me things I needed this year. What with the economic crisis and all.

So, shiny-toothed June will answer your pressing questions as follows…

Gladys asks June, What IS the  meaning of life?

Gladys, Merriam Webster says life is a noun or an adjective and it can be (a) the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body (b) a principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings, and so on.

But maybe you were talking about the cereal, in which case you should have capped your "L." I think the meaning of Life is it's a cinnamon-y way to make us fat- and sugar-addicted as children.

Cyndi inquires, As a fellow owner of hair that tends toward bigness and poofiness, I'd love to know your routine for taming yours.

You're asking me how I TAME my HAIR? Cyndi. Please take a gander at my nice grille photo above. Look at that hair. It is like I came in from a wind storm after walking through helicopter blades. I have NEVER tamed that hair successfully unless I paid someone to straighten it for me.

The best I have ever done is to never, ever brush it, ever; have someone cut it to bring out the natural curls; put on seven pounds of heavy product; twist it up with my fingers into ringlets; and let it dry naturally. Now, this only works if you are trying to help a Brownie earn her shut-in badge or you're agoraphobic or something, because my hair takes four hours to dry naturally. But when I freelanced, I got away with it. After it dried, I tousled it, but not too much, just enough to loosen the ringlets so you don't look like Nellie Olsen.

Very important is that you DON'T MESS WITH IT WHILE IT IS DRYING. Every time you touch your wet hair, you are adding more frizz. I read this somewhere and I know it to be true. Leave it the heck alone. You are also never supposed to put it up in a towel but let's get real.

Now that I have a real job and have to blow dry my hair, it looks ridiculous all the time. Thank heavens I'm married and can look like crap.

Paula from NY ponders, Are you a crossword puzzle person?

Like, are you asking me if I am literally made from crossword puzzles? Because no. Also, I do not do crossword puzzles. Games stress me out. I used to do the TV Guide crossword puzzle at my grandmother's house when I was about 14, but my gaming ends there. Does doing the TV Guide crossword puzzle in 1978 make you a gamer?

Alicia questions, Why does the English language use so many unnecessary letters? I mean if they're silent, then why use them?

I remember being a little kid, and learning about the "b" at the end of comb and lamb. I was so ANNOYED! I was all, why are they there? You don't say "comba." Oh, it irked me.

I have read that the English language is one of the hardest to learn. I have no idea if that is true, and I am ethnocentric and only know my native tongue.

From what I understand, our language is based on so many OTHER languages, and often the letters that are now silent for us were actually pronounced when they were in their original language. Furthermore, our pronunciations have changed through the years, so some letters that are now silent are a result of us saying words differently, which really makes me worry that we will all say "supposably" like it's okay some day.

Also, some annoying hoo-hahs thought that if we kept some of the Latin features of our words (the example they always give is keeping the "b" in "debt" because it stems from the Latin word debitum), it would help us fix our all-over-the-place, melting pot language by showing the word's history. Okay, it didn't.

I think The Silent B of the Lambs is an even more disturbing premise for a movie than the whole it-puts-the-lotion-on-its-skin thing.

Stephanie asks, Is there a polite way to correct someone? I know several people who frequently say "anyways" and every time I die a little inside.

No. Well, maybe, according to Miss Manners.

I worked with a woman whose job it was to call attorneys to remind them they had depositions scheduled. She would say, "I'm just calling to alarm you that you have a depo scheduled at our office next Tuesday at…" The first time I heard it, I was astonished. Surely it was a slip of the tongue. The 37th time, I figured it was for the good of the company. So you know what I did? I played the whole "I know I am the annoying, anal proofreader" card and acted like I know this is SO picky, but you really want to say "I'm calling to alert you" not "alarm you" and she was amenable to that approach.

But really, in life, people just want to be right. I mean, that's pretty much the truth. People want to be right, including me, Ask June, and no one wants to be corrected even if it's for their own good and really, how often is it for their own good?

But Miss Manners–who generally says no one likes a know-it-all and that it is better for us to cringe than to cause discomfort to others–does offer kind of a clever suggestion if you are simply going to hurl yourself out the window if you hear "anyways" one more time. You kind of turn it into a point of conversation. "I had always thought the correct word was 'anyway.' Am I wrong?"

 Now, see? That way the other person can sort of save face in the moment and look it up later. So try that.

So, that concludes another week of Ask June. Sorry I was off by a day. Remember to ask any Ask June questions back at the original Ask June post so that I can keep picking them from there. Hey, I'm sorry. Don't get all up in my grille about it.

11 thoughts on “Ask June Part Two, Electric Boogaloo

  1. Thank you June for the answers to these intriguing questions.
    To the reader who asked about taming your curls, there is a whole website dedicated to just this. There is a process called plopping where you tie your hair up in a t-shirt to dry and this cuts down on the frizz, but the MOST important thing is exactly what June said. A good cut and do not mess with it while it is drying or afterward DO NOT TOUCH YOUR HAIR!

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  2. I dare you to wear your grille to work. Or at least to your carpool.
    Have you ever tried using a diffuser when you have to blow-dry your hair? Maybe that would do something. Something positive at least. Diffusing is supposed to make it curly, rather than frizzy.

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  3. I think you need a bra to protect your grille. (Is that what they’re called? Those leathery things on the front of pretentious cars?)

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  4. Can you even talk while wearing that thing? Or is it just an annoying mumble? I’m really liking the mental picture of you getting into the carpool car and acting all natural-like and discussing weather, etc. A very serious philosophical discussion would be even better. There is NO WAY I could keep a straight face, but it would be sooooo funny.

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  5. “Supposably” came up in a grammar/pet peeve discussion other day and I was aghast to read that it really IS a word and means the same as “supposedly” (the real word). I had to look it up in Meriam Webster (m-w.com) to verify it. Then I found out the m-w isn’t a REAL dictionary, words get added there higgledy piggeldy. Is it really a word? In a REAL dictionary?

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  6. ROFL at those teeth. I see people on the news at 11 that look like that. No joke! I dare you to wear them to the carpool. Can you keep a straight face and just act like nothing is different? That would make a hilarious post!

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  7. My son is 7 and had a chance to buy us all Christmas gifts at school. He bought most of us coffee mugs, but for my brother, Uncle Rob, he bought a set of blinking teeth. A picture would never do it justice. You would have to take video!

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  8. Oh, please tell me that it will NEVER be okay to say “supposably.” I simply could not bear it. My grammar and punctuation are not always perfect, so I can’t judge there – but supposably drives me absolutely nuts!
    BTW – LOVE the grille

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  9. I’m just impressed that your hair dries in four hours. I got my hair colored on Saturday and it took 4.75 hours and cost 4.75 million dollars because it’s so thick and unreasonable.

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