Really, I've been bristling with excitement to get to Ask June. Let's whisk ourselves off to the first question.
Nosey…Picker? asks, "What is the single grossest thing you have ever done?"
Nosey, I have been thinking about this one since you asked, and you were one of the first people to Ask June, I just didn't get to pick you on my random pickerizer until today.
You know, I am an only child and therefore kind of prissy. And by the way, when I announced my only childness just now, all of my cousins who read this are rolling their eyes, as they know I am an only child all too well. I announced it to get out of having to do anything athletic, loud, untoward, or otherwise unappealing to me for the first 20 years of my life. "No, you guys go ahead and do the dinner dishes. I'm an only child. I really need to unwind with some alone time over here."
What I am trying to say is I don't do a lot of gross things because I am so easily grossed out. But I guess because I am such an animal lover (see above) that a lot of the pet things I tolerate would make non-pet people absolutely sick. That said, I guess the times I have accidentally French kissed and/or kissed my cats on the anus are probably the grossest things I have ever done. Trust me, if you have cats, you really can accidentally do these things.
Alicia ponders, "Why is 'c' the exception to the rule when it comes to 'i' before 'e'? Personally, I just think it's weird."
Well, Alicia, from what I can gather, it all started with derivatives of the Latin word capio such as receive, deceit, etc. However, many people argue that there are so many exceptions to this rule that it isn't a very good one. For example, we have beige, which doesn't come after c; or what about codeine, which does?
I say, look it up in a dictionary. Or go on m-w.com. And may I just add? GO ON M-W.COM., not dictionary.com, if you want a real, reliable dictionary. And Wikipedia does not count as a dictionary, nor does anything any regular schlub can contribute to, if you are looking for a CORRECT ANSWER. I really enjoyed making proofreading corrections at my old job and having some MARKETING PERSON come back and say, "Wikipedia says it's okay to spell it this way." Okay, and let me go back on Wikipedia so I can learn how to market things, let's see how you like that. And while I'm at it, why don't I drive this EXACTO knife though your HEAD.
J asks June, "Do you have a personal motto, such as 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade' or 'The early bird gets the worm'?"
Marvin and I just had dinner, and during said dinner I kept asking him, "What is my motto? I have to answer this question for Ask June." How sick of me and my blog is Marvin, do you think? Anyway, he kept coming up with really stupid mottos like "Don't turn around, uh-oh. Der kommissar's in town, uh-oh" and "Everything is sad" (which is something my grandmother once said). So we were eating and talking about something or other and I said, "Things could be worse. I could be Sting."
AND THAT'S IT! That's my motto. Ozzy Osborne said it once on The Osbornes, and I thought it was brilliant, and I say it all the time. Things could be worse. I could be Sting.
Elsie asks, "Have any of your Bye Bye Buy habits stuck with you?"
Not many. But I have stuck with a few. For example, I do bring my lunch to work a lot, because I now know it takes less than five minutes to make your lunch. Also, I have gotten weird about my lipstick ( and look, there's another "i before e" exception–"weird"). I wait until the tube is almost gone before buying another. I used a Sephora gift certificate I had just today and ordered me up a new tube of nudey pink like I like. Here is my current tube of nudey pink, rolled all the way up:
Gettin' low. Hope Sephora doesn't take their own sweet time.
And finally, Paula "Always in the Wrong Lane" From New York, Dammit, begs June to tell her: "GONE missing. What is this? Why have people gone missing, why do they go missing? It makes it seem, to me, that this was a choice, like they have gone shopping or gone to the movies. They ARE missing, they haven't GONE missing. I think this is a fairly new usage, but I don't like it and I would like you, June, to tell me they are wrong and I am right. Thank you."
Paula, "gone missing" is a British idiom. Canadian people use it too. As far as I could tell by looking online, it isn't actually grammatically incorrect. It just bugs you. Do you hate the British, Paula? Tell us why. What's your issue? Is it the royal family that has you all bound up?
It bugs me when people say, "I was thinking to myself…" which, you know, isn't really incorrect, but it's stupid. Who else WOULD you be thinking to? I was thinking to 70 other people. So I understand how something can stick in your craw, Paula, like your deep need to murder all the people of Canada and Britain. Could you spare Barry Gibb for me? He's been here in the U.S. for over 30 years. He is one of us now. DON'T LET BARRY GO MISSING, PAULA!
Okay, thanks for joining me for another chilling episode of Ask June. I hope you feel packed with peanuts and really satisfied.