Cherry for the pits

Shhh. Don't tell Marvin. I had to use his deodorant today. Marvin gets really skeeved out when I use his deodorant, which in the grand scheme of being married 10 and a half years is kind of weird, if you think about it.

I mean, it's just, Hey, Marvin, you know that stick of chemicals that you rub in your just-showered skin every morning? Well, today I put it on my just-showered skin. It is hardly the grossest thing, you know?

(That said, if he ever used my toothbrush I would DIE DIE DIE a million deaths, cause, ew!)

Anyway, Marvin uses straight deodorant, not antiperspirant, so long about noon, I'm all, why am I sweatin' to the oldies, over here? So I went to the grocery store and got my own actual deodorant, which I'm sure make a big difference in your life.

But let me ask you, she says, not letting this captivating subject dry up just yet. So to speak. Are you brand loyal to your antiperspirant? I'm not. I don't know if anyone remembers during Bye Bye Buy when I had to use up the antiperspirant I had that smelled exactly like a new doll, and I HATED it but because of my whole no-spending rule, I could NOT buy new stuff until it was used up. Oh, that was torture, smelling like Baby Alive for three months.

So, today I got Secret brazilian cherry. And yes, it is lowercase like that on the package. What do you think a Brazilian cherry is, exactly? A cherry that's really waxed well? Further reports pending.

In other news, I tried to order that silvery, metallic dress today, but when it came time to pay for it, I just couldn't stand it. Have I mentioned we're a tad light in our wallet loafers right now? I know that made no sense.

So you know what I did? (And by the way, I appreciate the go-to-Macy's tips, but in 1997 I wrote a $7 check to Macy's, which was all I owed them for a credit card payment, and they cashed it for $700, and tried to tell me I miswrote the check, even though I was holding a copy of the check in my hand when they told me that, and they never, ever said they were sorry even though I said to them "All I want is an apology." For that reason I have never shopped at Macy's ever since. Ever.)

I went on eBay, that's what I did. They have brand-new dresses on there, tags still on 'em. And I bought one!

Dress

I hope it fits. But it's returnable. Then also too, I went back to the mall and got sparkly little sweaters to wear over top for NINE DOLLARS, marked down from $99 and $129. Hello. I was totally being my Aunt Mary, who is forever finding Chanel suits for 99 cents.

Cardi

I know that's a terrible photo. I was talking to the dog. Let me try another.

Chokedog

Yes, this is better. Here I am choking the dog. Festive!

Here is the other sweater I bought. Again, nine dollars, so I could live large. I figure if these don't look good with the dress I can wear them to work and tell them I'm moonlighting for the Ice Capades.

Catndog

What is interesting to me is not the sweater, but why Winston in in that odd crouch in the background. Perhaps he is worried I will get him in that choke hold next. Anyway, you can close just the top of this sweater, so maybe it'll work with that dress. Or I could leave it open. You know I will dance every dance, so at that point the whole dress will come off and I will be in my undergarments. I mean, you know that, Sandy, right? And there is going to be the Chicken Dance, isn't there? And YMCA?

So, if neither of these little toppers work I can keep looking. Which means you can keep hearing about this until the end of February. And maybe I'll run out of deodorant before then too! Man, do I know how to keep the reader wanting more.

41 thoughts on “Cherry for the pits

  1. Nope I am brand specific. There is nothing worse than using anti-persperant and an hour later wondering why your sweating like a pig and figuring out it’s because you skimped and bought the Western Market Brand instead of Secret.
    Love, love that dress. Love the sweaters. Not sure about sweaters with dress. I would have put gold with red; but hey that’s just me.
    Why is Lulu looking at you like you just lost your last marble and not paying attention to crouching cat hidden claws?

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  2. We are on the edge of our seats? Will the new deodorant work properly? Will sparkly sweaters still be the fashion by the time you attend this wedding? The suspense is too much.
    And I never, ever switch deodorant brands. You can’t tell if your own self is smelling bad; so how would I know if the new one worked? For that matter, how do I know that the one I’ve been using for 30 years works, aside from the fact that I still have friends?

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  3. Great dress. Hope it works. I think blondes look very good in red. You may have forgotten, but in Michigan when we are indoors in the Winter, we use this thing called heat.So you may not even need a covering . I do like the sweaters though.
    As far as deodorant, I use Tom’s of Maine. It says natural original. I use it because it is aluminum-free. I am hoping to keep my armpits free from getting Alzheimers.

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  4. The dress is gorgeous!!! 🙂
    I am brand loyal to Degree deodorant…but upon reading othermama’s post above, I’m wondering if I should be more worried about aluminum. Argh.

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  5. I absolutely love the red dress. You’ll look stunning in it. You might consider a shawl of some type, which would be a little dressier than a sweater, but they can be a bit of a pain too. Good job, June!

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  6. Ooh, that dress looks amazing!
    And I don’t care about deodorant/antiperspirant brands, but it HAS to be clear. Not “we-say-it-goes-on-clear-but-the-bar-is-white-so-it-really-goes-on-white.” I mean, “it-goes-on-clear-because-the-bar-is-actually-clear!”
    And, since it’s my favorite, naturally it’s impossible to find. Murphy is always right.

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  7. Aarid Extra Dry. Always. I will call in sick if I am out. Seriously.
    Red dress is perfect. I think it’s going to look great without a sweater at all.
    Now you need to start shopping for shoes and a necklace.

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  8. That dress is lovely! We need to see you in it as soon as your have it in your hands. And why cover up such a lovely dress? Maybe it’ll be warm for the wedding. Unusually warm.

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  9. Oh, I forgot to tell you which deodorant I prefer. Secret. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. Until another deodorant comes up with a better slogan, I’ll be buying the secret.

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  10. “A cherry that’s really waxed well?”
    (I had to read the rest of this post with the lights off.)
    p.s. Be sure the try on the dress with whatever support garments you will take on the trip. The last wedding I attended was braless due to a wardrobe malfunction. Sadder yet, no one noticed.

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  11. Beautiful dress! It’s so sophisticated, June! And I like Cathy’s idea of a shawl; it would be so elegant with that dress. Plus you can do lots of fun and ridiculous things with shawls/scarves, like impersonate famous ladies of the past or pretend you’re in a perfume commercial.

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  12. So many comments I could make to this post..so little time.
    I was most struck by the way we had to scroll down down down to see the full length of the last picture. Your legs are 948 feet long.
    I can’t quite decipher Talulah’s expression. Either she completely adores you or is frightened by the sweater. And I, too, was already laughing at Winston’s stance when you mentioned it. Perhaps that would be another good feature for your blog. Caption This Photo and offer us various photos of your pets or of Marvin. Oh the fun.

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  13. Oh, and I don’t mean to bring you down, but everytime I read Marvin’s name I get a little misty. You see,my Uncle Marvin has cancer and we were informed today that he might have 1-2 more weeks. So a shout out to Jan and Lee’s Uncle Marvin, who we adore, and pray he is comfortable.

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  14. You will not fit into that dress if you keep taking the Topamax, it will fall right off of you. So send me the Topamax. I have a wedding I need to attend in July, in NJ no less. And I like the first sweater the best, and I want to hear all about the brazilian cherry deodorant, but not as much as I want you to send the Topamax, so please hurry.

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  15. Okay…if you ever come back to Seattle please go shopping with me! That red dress is even better than the first one! You make me sick with the sweaters…seriously…$9? We danced to YMCA at our wedding by the way!

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  16. The red dress is faaaaabulous dahhrling. Much nicer than the sparkly one. I trialled a new deoderant today, which meant I had to do a whole lot of stuff in one day to make sure it would work under all circumstances. Then when my husband got home I made him smell my pits. I bet he’s glad he married such a classy lady. He told me I didn’t smell, but I’m not sure if that was just a “no your bum doesn’t look fat” answer so I’m still not sure if it acually works. June will you come here and smell me? I know you’ll speak the truth.

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  17. I’m not brand loyal, but Mr. Hot has worn the same deodorant since 1960-something and now Shortman (the 17 year old) is all into everything Axe. I buy what’s on sale.
    Love the dress – you’ll be rocking that February Michigan weather. But the real question is, what shoes are you going to wear?

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  18. My first chuckle came at “smelling like Baby Alive.” I’m afraid that’s my fate (although I didn’t have the words for it until I read your post). Bought a double-pack bargain of a deodorant I’d never tried before. Uck!
    The red dress is smashing. I can just see you in it. Gorgeous. Nice bargains on the cardigans, too.
    “I can wear them to work and tell them I’m moonlighting for the Ice Capades.”
    Cracked me up.
    Waiting to see a picture of you in the dress.

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  19. I’m a raise your hand if you’re Sure kinda gal, and unscented please. The red dress is terrific and the sweater is so cute and sparkly. But, I do think the aqua dress would have been a show stopper.

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  20. LOVE the red dress!!
    I am brand loyal BUT also, apparently, brand stupid because I can’t for the life of me remember the name of it. And I’m too lazy to go look. But, like good art, I know it when I see it. Also it has to be the kind that goes on clear because I am an Olympic-calibre armpit smudger and I nearly always wear dark colors.

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  21. The red dress is very striking. Me likey. You will look lovely. I vote for the first sparkly sweater with that dress. Or a nice shawl as a couple of others had suggested.
    Deodorant? VERY loyal. Degree powder-scented. Before that for eleventy-seven years was Secret powder-scented deodorant. It stopped working, though. I was a sweat hog by the end of the day. Icky.

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  22. LOVING the red dress. LOVING. You should totally wear it to work on a ‘wear a red dress day’ (ya know the heart disease awareness thing, and yes that is the official name)… i think fancy book loaner lady would think you looked lovely

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  23. Ok, my take away from reading this entry is that I am cancelling the band. It’s going to be a music-free wedding. I just cannot risk it. And thank you to the person that mentioned we do heat the insides of places in MI in the winter. I feel as if I have been saying this to a brick wall. No sweater or shawl necessary, I swear. Just have a winter coat to get from the car to the building. All 4 steps. Then take that thing off (but stop there please!) and party like it’s 1995. Did I mention open bar?

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  24. Love the red dress. You will definetly live up to your Sparkly Rose Blossom name.
    Also I think Winston is wondering “What the hell smells like cherries in here”.

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  25. Love,love, love that red dress. You won’t need that long fur coat after all. A fancy dancy sparkly shawl would work well. Don’t think the sweaters would add a thing to the dress. Black satin shoes would look really good with that red dress.
    We use a crystal rock for deodorant to avoid any aluminum. However, for the benefit of the people, I have some clear men’s deodorant I use when I dress up. I can’t handle the scent of women’s deodorant.

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  26. I am new to your blog…I can’t even remember what links I followed. But I’m glad I did…you crack me up! The Brazilian comment made me laugh out loud…REAL loud… Thanks…I needed that! Michelle

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  27. Ooooh, sparkly cardigans….I can’t seem to find any that aren’t ugly in my size.
    I once ran out of deodorant halfway, so one armpit smelled like a man and the other was scent free.

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  28. You will look stunning in that dress. What size is it? Can I borrow it for an event in Dallas? We look nothing alike but I think I might look stunning in it also!

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  29. Who are you, you hilarious Southerner? Not even sure how I found this blog, but I will be returning frequently, because: 1. I love Pie (that’s why it gets capitalized); 2. my husband also hates it when I deoderant-borrow; and 3. I enjoy hearing of the eBay triumphs of others. I am posting with a fake name, because it just feels good.

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