I have a dream that my house is tidy

I am just quickly writing you in the middle of house cleaning. I have the day off for Martin Luther King day. What is too bad is that Martin Luther King isn't alive to tell us what he thinks about tomorrow.

Anyway, here is the following crucial news I have for you. First of all, as your personal friend and financial adviser, I need to tell you that all this "Perhaps you could wear a shawl" advice needs to be addressed. The shawl, or pashmina, is out. O-U-T. I mean, grab your cosmo, it's 2001. The freshest cover-ups for a cocktail dress right now are 1) the tuxedo jacket, which I just cannot do because I did it in the '80s, 2) the cropped faux fur, and just TRY to find Vera Wang's cropped faux fur jacket ANYWHERE right now, including eBay, and 3) the cardigan.

Also, I am wearing the new cherry-scented deodorant I bought and I smell like a Life Saver.

Finally, I am sorry to tell you that when we woke up this morning, Marvin went into the bathroom and came back wearing the aqua Totie Fields dress. Because he thinks he is funny. And then he WOULD NOT let me take a picture of it for you. So you're just going to have to envision it.

Totie

Totie Fields was before my time, and probably yours. I do not know why I know who she is, except she was probably on Hollywood Squares.

Okay, my cherry Hall's-scented self and I are back to Cometing the sink.

32 thoughts on “I have a dream that my house is tidy

  1. I can picture Marvin in that dress – is that sad?
    I gave you an award – I’m sure it will get your grammar undies all bunched up but I do think you are a funny woman & I love your blog!

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  2. I can’t believe June commented on my blog! I feel so special. It’s like that time when I was six years old and I got a letter from the president in the mail…only better! I just love your blog. I agree that you need an orange kitty. It has been my experience that orange kitties cause the most trouble but are the most lovable.

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  3. June,
    You’re going to look fab in that red dress. It’s amazing! And as for your sparkly sweaters…well, I now have an uncontrollable urge to go to the mall.
    Brazilian cherry deodorant. There are oh so many directions I could go with this. Like you, I think the Brazilian part is appealing but if and only if it strips your pits of all unwanted hair as it simultaneously keeps you dry and fresh. (“Pits” was an unintended pun.) Mostly though, I’m thinking that any sort of food, fruit or otherwise, combined with armpit is just wrong.

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  4. First of all YOU MUST take a picture of Marvin in the Totie Fields dress.
    Secoond I have never worn a deodarant that smells like cherry Halls but I have smelled some people who must have used What-a-burger scented Secret. That must be the secret. They used What-a-burger patties as the deoderant.

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  5. It’s alarming just how much Totie and Marvin are alike. Related? Is Marvin’s real name Marvin Gardensalad-Fields?
    Also .. did the dress work and get Marvin some action this morning? :o)

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  6. Totie Fields! Still cracking up here. Didn’t she also appear on every possible what-were-they-called shows … like Merv Griffin and Mike Douglas? Oh God, am I old.

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  7. Well, excuu-uu-se me, Miss Fashion plate! :}
    I probably would wear a shawl anyway, because I’m so not a slave to fashion. Where I come from, if you’re wearing what they wore in 2001, you’re doing pretty good.

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  8. Who the hell is Totie Fields and how awful is that hair? Think I may have to put her on my fridge or better yet the bathroom mirror.Having a bad day? Do NOT get your hair cut!

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  9. You know, M, I was so entranced by poor Totie’s shoes that I hadn’t even looked at the hair. Wow. I hope the poor dear has passed, or at the very least that she never, ever finds this blog. You don’t think she Googles herself, do you?

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  10. June,
    I love your blog, and I coincidentally completely agree with your fashion cover up advice (I’m softening you up here, can you feel it?) but I REFUSE to take serious fashion advice from a lady who wore a safety pin under her arm for an entire day. I cannot do it. Don’t feel too badly (because I know you will, and cry into your clean sink) because I also refuse to take fashion advice from my mum, who has had hair just like Tottie’s for the last 25 years.

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  11. See, I’m thinking of a brilliant idea… you can get contributions from your readers paying you and marvin to do stupid things and take pictures. Musings of a Housewife says she will pay to see Marvin in the dress. I would pay for Marvin to do a fashion show or see June wear a bright orange sweater (bwahahaha)… thus your financial woes will be taken care of!

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  12. I have tears steaming down my face. ROFL!!!!!!! It all started with Gladys’ comments, then Floribunda just added fuel to the fire. Unfortunately, I have to say, “Ditto” to Flori’s comment. Oh damn! Now my husband is yelling at me to going into the other room because he can’t sleep during the “Lewis and Clark” DVD playing.

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  13. Speaking of remembering every post, since you so airily dismissed our shawl advice how about that pink sweater that you like so much? You know, the one from Your Pal in MA?
    I happen to own one sparkly gold sweater. It has long sleeves, many tiny sparkles woven in, and it TIES in front. Better yet, I bought it within the last 5 years so it’s not even an ’80s holdover. That particular sweater is what makes me run to my shawl basket every time I need to cover up a fancy dress.

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  14. Does anyone else think that Totie looks like an old, and very unfashionable Mary Lou Retton? Kind of like when she finished a big vault…Hope Mary Lou isn’t a reader….
    June, June June… i know you love sparkly sweaters. Why would you put a sweater over that gorgeous red dress? That dress is beautiful and although the sparkly sweaters are nice, they will RUIN the dress. Is it a tempature cold thing? hmmmm…..

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