Blood sugar crazy

So, maybe I sat in the parking lot today and waited until Blood Sugar Sex Magik was done playing before I went into work, which meant I got in at 8:04, but do you think that means it was ENTIRELY my fault that we got a department-wide email today about how important it is that we are at our desks every day at 8:00?

Do you think it was a bad idea that I replied to the email with the lyrics to Blood Sugar Sex Magik, explaining how good that song is and how one can't simply just STOP LISTENING right in the middle?

Okay, didn't really do that.

I did wear stripy tights today, though.

Yes, I do know I look just like the witch the house landed on in Wizard of Oz. The house began to pitch, the kitchen took a slitch…

I have no idea what a slitch is. But it did not bode well for the stripy-tighted witch.

In other news, Tallulah got a bath today at dog day care. You can call them and say, "Will you cut her nails?" or "Will you bathe her?" and they just do it! Because they are also a kennel and grooming facility. It is so conVENient!


Here she is, right now. You can tell she cares deeply that she is clean. And you know what's bugging me? That tiny piece of Ruby fur right in front of her nose, there. I have GOT to go get it now.

Anyway, so Tallulah's clean, and this, I have to tell you, will obsess Marvin. Whenever Tallulah gets a bath, her clean status is highly important to Marvin.

What you must also know is that when Marvin speaks to our pets, our ANIMAL COMPANIONS, his voice raises about 87 octaves higher than his normal speaking voice. Then he asks these poor creatures the most obvious questions. "Is my girl clean? Did my doggie get a bath? Does she smell good? Are you clean? Are you my clean girl?"

I wonder what the animal companions say about us when we are not home.

Tallulah: What's with that guy and his inane questions? YES. I'm CLEAN. Get OVER it, Bub.

Ruby: It's not the guy I think about so much, it's that girl. What is up with the kisses? She gets her HAIR on me when she kisses me.

Francis: Can we have those two put to sleep?

And speaking of Marvin, which we weren't…


I was looking for salsa the other day–which we are ALWAYS out of and it makes me wonder if Marvin does shots of it or if he is a salsa dancer and I don't know it–I came across all of these fake citrus fruits in our fridge doorway. Why? Why do we own these? Is Marvin phobic of scurvy? When he goes out salsa dancing, does he wear a Carmen Miranda costume and he uses these so he doesn't have to keep buying real fruit to put on his head? Is he trying to make homemade 7-Up? What?

And my final pressing piece of news for you today was it was a good mail day. One of my mother's friends sent me a funny gift (shout out to Gwen!), my intellectually stimulating Star magazine came, and my cousin Katie made me a pretty commuter mug:


One hopes this will help propel me to work EXACTLY AT 8:00!

25 thoughts on “Blood sugar crazy

  1. None of the furbabies in our house get talked to in baby talk..but they do both have nick names. Cassiel, our little gray rescue kitty, is Baby Kitty or Scrawny. Jayce, our big black rescue kitty, is Little Queen or Flubbo the wonder cat. He is a very round cat..and a big wimp. Late at my job is show up 5 minutes before your shift starts. Lame huh?


  2. Hmmm…..some women prefer colorful wool tights but right now I think I would prefer a pair of ‘possum fur-lined granny panties.


  3. the accidental housewife- inquiring minds want to know… wtf is beetroot for? (yes i know that i could just google it and YES i know ijust ended a sentence with a preposition)


  4. June, I’m intrigued by the wallpaper (?) shown behind the fake lemon and lime juice. Its super cute.
    Also, we are always out of salsa as well. I’m thinking this summer of growing onion, jalapeno, and tomatoes and just making a crud load of the stuff.


  5. Oh, boy, Marvin and I would sooo get along! I talk to our dog, Polly, in a high pitched voice and have multitudes of endearments and nicknames for her. I also talk for her in a different voice. I often crack myself up, not so sure how the rest of the family feels.
    Yet for all that chatter, I fear that The Far Side guy was right when he cartooned that dogs hear “blah blah blah POLLY” or “blah blah blah TALLULAH”.
    At our house, when Polly has been bathed, she is “all da keen dog”. Baby talk does not contain many Ls or ths.


  6. “Animal companions.” This is funny because we refer to Simon, our ’02 Siamese model, as a Domesticated Companion Animal. (Ed, our ’94 buff tabby, is still referred to as a Cat which, if you met him, you’d understand.)
    Your cousin MADE you that mug? I = envious.


  7. Those tights are sassy. Though perhaps it was unwise to wear them when somebody was on a tardiness rampage. Hard not to notice two little stripy blurs scampering down the hall.


  8. Hahah your work is LESS anal about promptness than mine is. What if you came flying in at 8:04 and the not-usually-very-friendly owner of the company was sitting at your desk, scowling at you? Then he says, “Good AFTERNOON. You finally decided to come in today.” Then you say, “Haha… er… um…. yeah. Sorry.” Then he says, “Do not be late tomorrow.”
    So. Much. Fun. You are in fact expected to be here 10, 15 minutes before you’re supposed to be… so I guess in his mind, our 4 minutes late is 19 minutes late.


  9. We are always out of salsa, but never out of salsa ingredients. Mr Accident buys tomato and onion every time he shops Just In Case. In case of what I still don’t know. Maybe aliens are allergic to it or something. He buys betroot that same way. If you are ever cooking something that needs betroot and you are all out, drop by – we have tins of it. I just counted. Seven tins. Of beetroot. Ludicrous.
    Do you get to leave work exactly at finishing time? Not a minute after? Because you should enforce that. Those after work minutes belong to June.


  10. Does anyone else call their cat ‘kitty whitters’ or their dog ‘puppy whuppers’? I’ve heard several people do it (me included) and I just wondered if that was the norm.


  11. We men secretly look forward to being around pets and babies because, it gives us a chance to speak in our high voices. My grand nephew will be born in a matter of weeks and i also will be breaking out my baby talk skills as well.


  12. While prepping the alcohol for Xmas eve, we came across an unopened bottle of Rose’s Lime Juice. It was pink. It is not supposed to be pink. We did not have gimlets that night.


  13. See I think we should all just start talking to each other in our doggie/kittie voices and we would do away with wars. I mean can you see Mr. Obama saying “Who’s my good Iraq? Where you a good country today? Did you do lots of restructuring? Come on who’s a good country? Who’s a good country? Dat’s a good country wanna biscuit?”


  14. Ha! Carmen Miranda hat! We also have those plastic citrus containers. My husband uses the juice in his tea. I will now have to picture him in the Carmen Miranda hat whenever I see him squirting juice out of it. I bet with that Carmen Miranda hat on I would rise from a pathetic one Mississippi to a respectable three!


  15. Oh, M – I would so want to bring those babies in tonight. I have 2 cats & they are so spoiled & I am so sad about those babies now….


  16. Here is my most pressing concern tonite.Someone dumped a mama dog out by the bridge a few months ago and she had her puppies and they all grew up wild.Some were hit by cars and some were eaten by coyotes.Now there are two left and it is coming down pure ice tonite and they have no where warm to take shelter.I am s*i*c*k with worry over these two lil’ babies.A few of the widows and I drive food out so we know they aren’t starving but the weather is sooo cold.Say a little prayer for the babies tonite.


  17. Dude, your work is OCD about promptness. That is a little crazy. I can see if you clock in and out but even when I worked at TJ Maxx in HS I had up to 7 minutes after my scheduled start time before I was considered “late.”
    My Husband asks my dog the same type of stuff – except at least his voice doesn’t get higher. But it does pick her up like a baby (which she doesn’t appreciate). Thank God she’s only 25 pounds.


  18. I’ve caught my husband drinking salsa out of the container multiple times now. SO. GROSS. I would leave him but I don’t want our kitties to come from a broken home.


Comments are closed.