I had to go to Target tonight, to refill my prescription for that lovely elixir Topamax, which not only removes my migraines but also makes me look as though I may have rickets. I have now lost FIFTEEN POUNDS taking Topamax. You can imagine how I didn't want to miss a day.
"Oh, you're going to Target?" asked Marvin, who had been home for hours while I worked, commuted, and got the dog from day care. "We're out of toilet paper."
First of all, Marvin's version of "out of toilet paper" may vary from yours or mine. He loads us up with about 72 rolls of backup at all times. We are always ready for devil's night or a huge bout of Montezuma's Revenge.
Nevertheless, when I got to Target I got one of those hand baskets, because he said we were out of soap, too, and besides, I never get out of Target with what I just came in for. I don't know why Target doesn't place stacks of hand carts all around the store, since everyone I know gets hypnotized by that place and ends up buying a sweater and some stationery and a new toothbrush and some hair gel and a new CD and a shower rack when all they came in for were some Q-Tips.
Well. I am sorry to tell you they were having a really good sale on Charmin, but it was one of those things where you had to buy that huge, huge, tall stack of toilet paper but it was only 69 cents or something. My instinct was that I did not want to be seen strolling around Target with that tower of toilet tissue, but the SIX PACK was more than that huge condominium, so I put it in my cart.
The thing ROSE UP almost as high as my head, and I looked ridiculous, and as I headed to the pharmacy, I thought, "That pharmacist is gonna think I'm going to take a bunch of Topamax and have a big poop fest tonight."
Okay. For some reason, probably because I'm 11, I cracked myself up with this thought. I mean, it didn't even make sense. Topamax kind of stops you up, if you want to know the truth. Nevertheless, every time I got near the pharmacy window, I would think, "Big poop fest" and I would crack myself up all over again and start to giggling and have to wander around in the KY aisle and try to compose myself.
And seriously, when did KY get mainstream? They have a whole litany of products suddenly.
It took me about three tries before I stopped giggling and then the pharmacist was really friendly and I ended up telling her that in fact I was NOT planning a big poop fest that night, and she probably thinks I am berserk.
When I got home, I set that enormous Marcia Brady's house of cards high rise of tissue on the table. Marvin walked in and said, "Did you get toilet paper?"