Stupor Bowl

Fran

Francis is going to watch, too, in the hopes that someone drops a Cheeto.

For the second time in our lives, Marvin and I are going to force ourselves to watch the Super Bowl. The last time we did it, people tell us it was an exciting game because someone won at the last minute. I mean, I do remember that someone won at the last minute, I just didn't know that was rare.

The only other time I watched the Super Bowl was when I watched it with a bunch of gay guys, and it was way fun. Mostly that event was about the food. Someone brought little football-shaped cookies, and I remember there was really good coffee. There is this part in the football game where everything stops and they bring out this huge orange carrot-shaped thing to the field, and none of us knew what that was for. We decided it was the restroom key.

Anyway, it turned out that was the year Janet Jackson showed us all her parts, so what I am saying to you is that apparently I bring excitement to Super Bowl games, so you're welcome.

I do not know why we are forcing ourselves to watch this extravaganza; we are not into Bruce Springsteen or anything. I just decided we should. Every once in awhile I feel like fitting in, and when you are indifferent to sports you do not fit in.

I am going to like Philadelphia or Pittsburgh or whomever, because that's who Howard Stern likes, and the only reason Howard Stern likes Philadelphia or Pittsburgh or whomever is because that's where is wife is from. So I am really emotionally invested in my team, here.

And yes, I do have to like everything Howard Stern likes. I know it makes no sense that I like Howard Stern, and that I am totally not his demographic, but there you go.

Also, today is the 12-year anniversary of when I moved to LA to live with Marvin, and this is how we are celebrating. Which is better than schlepping boxes up to a second-story apartment, I guess.

So, go Philadelphia or Pittsburgh or whomever! Woooo!

19 thoughts on “Stupor Bowl

  1. “When you’re indifferent to sports, you do not fit in.” Have you found this statement to be even truer now that you live in the South? I’m such an outcast.

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  2. I’m going to a Super Bowl party only because if I watch in a group maybe I won’t fall sound asleep. I made myself some Super Bowl Bingo cards (on my blog if anyone is interested)in hopes I can find a few other clueless souls who might want to play along. I’m seriously not trying to self promote. I’m only watching out for all souls with a sports nut significant other. It’s better than catching something from the double-dip-tastic salsa bowl. The playing Super Bowl Bingo part. Not the Significant Other part.

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  3. On Super Bowl weekend there were other sporting alternatives. Last night i watched the repeat of the 2008 AKC Eukanuba National Championship, a dog show. Now i know the word “bitch” is a correct term for a female dog but, everytime i would hear it used nonchalantly in a sentence, i would titter. It was also amusing to me how some of the handlers actually resemble the dogs they were showing. They either had a similar body type or shared the same gait as the dog. One handler who was showing a dog with short legs that waddled also, had short legs and waddled. A Pointer from the sporting group won. I was just thrilled is wasn’t a poodle with it’s puffballs….yuck.
    Also this weekend there was the Australian Open Tennis championships. Anyone who tries to infer that tennis is not a real sport, has not watched a match recently. It’s like a gladiator sport. I’d like to see any other athlete try and go against them. All it would take is just a matter of minutes to have one of the Williams sisters, mop the court with them, man or woman. Saginaw native, Serena Williams, won the women’s title with ease.
    This morning i watched the men’s final featuring Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. Roger Federer cried like a baby when he didn’t win…awwwww. Rafael Nadal, a classy young man of 22, went over and hugged him and then went on to praise him for half of his speech. Needless to say, Roger Federer, although one of the greatest champions ever, ranks right up there with show dog Poodles for me.

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  4. CariOkie,
    That is a great idea. I looked at yours, and if I did this, I’d have to have a game card that was way less technical. I’d have to have stuff like “Guy brings that carrot restoom key out” and “Someone spits.”
    Okay, totally gonna go do that. Thank you for the inspiration.
    XO,
    June

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  5. Most times I go to a super bowl party for the food, drinks and fun. I love football, so it’s always a good time. However, this year, the unthinkable has happened and our Cardinals are playing. I don’t know how it happened either, but there you go. Boo on Howard Stern and the Steelers. Come on, you’ve got to love an underdog/Cinderella story. Go Cards!
    Now I’m totally wondering what the carrot/restroom key thing was.

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  6. I love that you decided the giant carrot was the bathroom key! That’s hilarious!
    Me & my husband are hosting a Super Bowl party today and I will be lounging on the back yard patio with all the other non-sports people. I did ask my husband to Tivo the game so I can zip through it and watch the commercials, though.
    I just don’t get sports. I also don’t get how it is I wound up married to someone who loves sports. All I know about football is that a bunch of giant men in tight pants chase a ball, jump on each other and slap each others rear ends. If they all got their own ball they wouldn’t have to jump on each other and could all go do something fun instead.

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  7. Oh, I’m definitely gonna have to have some help with the bingo game. I was hoping to have a caller like at a real bingo parlor. He would say “Touch Down Cardinals” in his announcer voice and look at us meaningfully until we get that we are supposed to put a marker on that square.

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  8. I usually read, blog, or knit while DH watches and tell him to yell at me when there is a good commercial. My granddaughter is a big Steeler’s fan, so in loyalty to her I’m going to be for them, otherwise I wouldn’t care!
    As a former Kentuckian (I now live near you, just over the border in Virginia)I think most Kentuckians would be flattered to be linked to anything that would aid in that particular pleasure!

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  9. The carrot shaped thing that hold the restroom key. ROFL!
    The ONLY reason the Super Bowl is on at my house, I don’t want to miss “The Office” special that comes on right after the game. BTW, I hope the team Kurt Warner plays for wins. He is a super nice guy. I think he plays for Arizona.

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  10. My Dad was visiting today and he told my husband and I a long story about a guy dating some woman with a special needs child and getting married, and ended it by giving us a meaningful look while he said, “And that guy was Kurt Warner.”
    Now it makes sense. I thought maybe he was a cousin or something.

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  11. My daughter told me on the way home from church that she hasn’t been raised watching football (she’s 13) and she sounded kind of a wistful. I was raised watching college as I’m from Oklahoma and all we knew were the Sooners. I could care less about pro. So I told her we could watch the SuperBowl if she wanted to watch football and she said “Nah”. I tried.

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  12. I did not watch the game and do not know who played or won. Sad, huh? But I can relate to your “trying to fit in” ish-ness. Regrettably, though, everything I try, it tends to end badly. And because I also will do whatever Howard Stern tells me to do, I definitely do not fit in here in the Pacific Northwest. Oh well.

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  13. I’m about as big a football fan as you are. Someone mentioned the Arizona Cardinals and I told them I knew I must be out of touch because I thought the Cardinals were still in St. Louis!
    Who picked “Cardinals” for an Arizona team? They should have picked “Lizards” or something deserty.

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