Let me first say that I am stunned at how young so many of you are. I am basing this not on the fact that I can see you all right now, and I can. Hellooo! Nice bowl of Super Sugar Crisps, there, honey. And you, there, in Oklahoma! Is that really what you're doing with your hair today?
No, I am basing it on the songs that you told me were number one the day you were born. And if you didn't read yesterday's post you are really lost right now.
I mean, Rock Me Amadeus? If that was the number one song the day you were born, that means you are currently like 17 months old or something, doesn't it?
Oh, and the people who said Let's Get Physical was the number one song the day they were born? Do you remember how I told you just recently that the last time I threw up was in high school when I drank pink champagne and booted all over the side of my friend's car? Do you know what song was playing? Let's Get Physical, that's what was playing. Let's Get Physically ill.
And you are saying you were a ZYGOTE then?
I am finding it surprising that people who are this much younger than me find me interesting to read, actually. Isn't it boring to hear about my old self and my references to Land of the Lost and my moon pies and sassafras and plows and nights darning by the hearth?
This is fascinating to me. I am like some sort of mysterious elder who you are all coming to for wisdom. I am like the "wax on, wax off" guy from Karate Kid, which you are ALL TO YOUNG TO REMEMBER!
And by the way, I knew each and every song everyone mentioned. Why is this? I don't even consider myself all that into music. I think it must have something to do with being married to Marvin and his 900,000 CDs and his 49 iPods.
Oh! But that reminds me. As I have mentioned before, I am on the entertainment committee at work now, and we are having a Valentine's party coming up, and I am in charge of the music. I have to make a CD because 1990 called and wants its entertainment system back.
So I thought I'd do romantic songs, naturally, starting with At Last by Etta James. But what else can I put on there? Remember, this is for work, so I can't put any Love to Love You Baby by Donna Summer or anything. Although the thought of that is making me snicker. Which is why I have climbed so far up the corporate ladder, I suspect.
So let me know your suggestions for good romantic songs.
And finally, I thought I would be like Dooce today, so please somehow could you all turn in to a million people and drive my ad revenue up to $40,000 this month? I guess that would be less me being Dooce and more you being Dooce's audience. Anyway, Dooce has a thing in her blog where she shows you something good she bought every day, which she can do because she makes FORTY FRICKEN THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH ON HER BLOG, so I am going to show you something I bought.
I would like to further point out that when Dooce shows you a photo of something she bought, it is actually a good picture, but again, $40k a month. She probably has a better camera. Anyway, this is my calendar for the year, and I am obsessed with it. It is all vintage Better Homes and Gardens covers. Which I guess is self-explanatory.
But isn't it LOVELY? I got it after the new year for really cheap. Wouldn't you just love to live in that little pointy Better Homes and Gardens house, or even the house that Gladys Kravitz across the street, here, must live in, who is taking the picture of the pointy house? Do you think the people in the pointy house just hate Gladys Kravitz and her narcissus-forced-bulb-blooming self, always hanging in the window, taking pictures of their house, with her books and her obsession with Eastern culture? Do you think Gladys even READ these books? Don't you worry that the books are gonna get all twittterpated, resting on their paper part like that?
Maybe Gladys is in love with the man who bought the pointy house, and she bought THIS house to torment him and his nice wife. One day the nice wife is gonna come over here and bludgeon Gladys with one of these little statues. And it will no longer be a better home. But when they bury her in the garden, her flowers will probably come up nicely.
Okay, I'm done now.