June's stupid life

Old June Has Lost It

Let me first say that I am stunned at how young so many of you are. I am basing this not on the fact that I can see you all right now, and I can. Hellooo! Nice bowl of Super Sugar Crisps, there, honey. And you, there, in Oklahoma! Is that really what you're doing with your hair today?

No, I am basing it on the songs that you told me were number one the day you were born. And if you didn't read yesterday's post you are really lost right now.

I mean, Rock Me Amadeus? If that was the number one song the day you were born, that means you are currently like 17 months old or something, doesn't it?

Oh, and the people who said Let's Get Physical was the number one song the day they were born? Do you remember how I told you just recently that the last time I threw up was in high school when I drank pink champagne and booted all over the side of my friend's car? Do you know what song was playing? Let's Get Physical, that's what was playing. Let's Get Physically ill.

And you are saying you were a ZYGOTE then?

I am finding it surprising that people who are this much younger than me find me interesting to read, actually. Isn't it boring to hear about my old self and my references to Land of the Lost and my moon pies and sassafras and plows and nights darning by the hearth?

This is fascinating to me. I am like some sort of mysterious elder who you are all coming to for wisdom. I am like the "wax on, wax off" guy from Karate Kid, which you are ALL TO YOUNG TO REMEMBER!

And by the way, I knew each and every song everyone mentioned. Why is this? I don't even consider myself all that into music. I think it must have something to do with being married to Marvin and his 900,000 CDs and his 49 iPods.

Oh! But that reminds me. As I have mentioned before, I am on the entertainment committee at work now, and we are having a Valentine's party coming up, and I am in charge of the music. I have to make a CD because 1990 called and wants its entertainment system back.

So I thought I'd do romantic songs, naturally, starting with At Last by Etta James. But what else can I put on there? Remember, this is for work, so I can't put any Love to Love You Baby by Donna Summer or anything. Although the thought of that is making me snicker. Which is why I  have climbed so far up the corporate ladder, I suspect.

So let me know your suggestions for good romantic songs.

And finally, I thought I would be like Dooce today, so please somehow could you all turn in to a million people and drive my ad revenue up to $40,000 this month? I guess that would be less me being Dooce and more you being Dooce's audience. Anyway, Dooce has a thing in her blog where she shows you something good she bought every day, which she can do because she makes FORTY FRICKEN THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH ON HER BLOG, so I am going to show you something I bought.

BHG

I would like to further point out that when Dooce shows you a photo of something she bought, it is actually a good picture, but again, $40k a month. She probably has a better camera. Anyway, this is my calendar for the year, and I am obsessed with it. It is all vintage Better Homes and Gardens covers. Which I guess is self-explanatory.

But isn't it LOVELY? I got it after the new year for really cheap. Wouldn't you just love to live in that little pointy Better Homes and Gardens house, or even the house that Gladys Kravitz across the street, here, must live in, who is taking the picture of the pointy house? Do you think the people in the pointy house just hate Gladys Kravitz and her narcissus-forced-bulb-blooming self, always hanging in the window, taking pictures of their house, with her books and her obsession with Eastern culture? Do you think Gladys even READ these books? Don't you worry that the books are gonna get all twittterpated, resting on their paper part like that?

Maybe Gladys is in love with the man who bought the pointy house, and she bought THIS house to torment him and his nice wife. One day the nice wife is gonna come over here and bludgeon Gladys with one of these little statues. And it will no longer be a better home. But when they bury her in the garden, her flowers will probably come up nicely.

Okay, I'm done now.

63 thoughts on “Old June Has Lost It

  1. I am a day behind on reading the blog…I know, slap me. Anyway, I do not have any songs to add (they all seem to be covered) but I had to make a comment on the calendar. Oh my! I love me the BH&G calendar. The old picutures are my favorite (shocking!). I do remember Gladys but it is clear that this picutre cannot be taken from Gladys’ house. This picture was taken acorss the street from the Lawrence family home. Do you remember FAMILY? (James Broderick, Sada Thompson, Kristy McNichol, Merideth Baxter, and some guy?)I loved that show. Anyway, the house in the calendar looks like the house on FAMILY which was my all time favorite TV house.

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  2. See, I would totally slip “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye into that CD mix. If someone calls you on it, then just say how did that get in there?
    Also I totally agree about Al Green. “Let’s Stay Together” is an awesome song!

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  3. Romantic songs? I have one word for you…
    SMOKEY!!!!
    Okay, I meant two words….
    SINATRA!!!!
    going back to Napa’s finest now…

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  4. Okay, I’m old like you. Here are my suggestions:
    One of those great songs from Bread (and maybe even you don’t recognize that band, but I just heard its songs on the radio today and was having great nostalgia for it)
    That song from Billy Joel that goes something like, “Whereever we’re together, that’s my home…” I think he wrote it for his second wife (before the divorce)
    But I still like it.
    Also, that a capella song he sings “For the longest time…”
    I’m such a music idiot – I don’t know any song titles. Call me up and I’ll hum them for you. We could play “Name That Tune!”

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  5. I’m probably feeding into / simply exacerbating your vaguely unbalanced yet extremely humorous anecdotes involving imaginary neighbors – (and really, June- while we’re on the subject- most people have one imaginary friend- ONE – and do not require entire imaginary neighborhoods to keep them occupied and entertained- we know you were an only child and quite possibly spoiled but this? this smacks of megalomania)
    however- to return to the point of this comment-
    here is a lovely site to feed your love of vintage homes and interiors –
    http://www.antiquehomestyle.com/index.htm
    can’t wait for next week’s installment!

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  6. I do not know why everyone is stressing about how old they are—I was born in 1951 so does that make me one of your oldest blog readers?

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  7. Definitely “I’ll Make Love To You” by Boyz II Men. Totally kidding…
    Anything by Stephen Speaks or Dave Barnes. I love both of them!

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  8. Will it make you feel better that the #1 song on my birth day was “Teddy Bear” by Elvis???? Thought so.
    Am I the only person who does not care for Dooce? I guess, like Teddy Bear and Elvis, my disinterest in Dooce is indicative of my age and my lack of interest in the navel-gazing of others.
    Gotta throw some Sinatra and Bennett into the V-day partay mix — again with the geezer talk!

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  9. I am older than you, so don’t fret. I’m a 1962 baby. I know who Gladys is, and Endora, too. I had to be at least 8 before I realized that Samantha and Serena were played by the same actress.
    You must play something by the BeeGees. I still love them. John Travolta scratching himself in Saturday Night Fever still gives me the shivers. (ha)

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  10. June,
    I didn’t get to post my song yesterday, and I knew you’d want to know. “Windy” by The Association, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard of it. Do you know that one?

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  11. How about Sea of Love? Put Your Head on my Shoulder, Breaking Up is Hard to Do -Neil Sedaka or Elvis Costello and anything by Ozzy Osbourne.

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  12. I won’t lie, the Gladys Kravitz reference has me confused. But I’ll blame that on living in Canada. Can I do that?
    As for Valentine’s Day songs, here are some gooders:
    First Day of My Life – Bright Eyes
    Heartbeats – Jose Gonzalez
    The Lucky Ones – Tim Myers
    Miracle Photo – Ruth
    (Night Time is) The RIght TIme – Ray Charles
    When I Go – Slow Club
    A Beautiful World – Tim Myers

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  13. Ohhh for your love songs I would have to suggest “Just The Way You Look Tonight”. I love Steve Tyrells version from Father Of The Bride but Michael Buble can do it awfully well too—sing, I mean.

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  14. Is it just me or does anyone else think Gladys Kravitz greatly resembles the Oz’s Wicked Witch of the West? Gladys only needs the little dog in a bicycle basket.

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  15. My husband is always calling me Gladys when I peak out the front window to see what’s going on. Inquiring minds want to know…or we’ll make something up.
    BTW, my song happens to be Stuck on You by Elvis Presley. That would make me…48. Hardly a young chick!
    What do you suppose are those poodle looking appendages coming out of the chimney?

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  16. Shoot, I meant to say “Your blog is the first one I read EVERY DAY,” not everyday.
    And after I got all over your arse about twitterpated
    I’m so ashamed.

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  17. Our song is Groovy Kind of Love by Phil Collins, and I also love Michael Buble’s song Everything.
    My birthday song is Runaway by Del Shannon, so I think you and I are not too far apart in age. You are the first blog I read everyday, btw, and miss you dreadfully when you don’t post for whatever reason. I think I will start making up stories about what happened to you when you’re not here, some good espionage or something. Or maybe you got a second job fan dancing and are just too pooped to post.
    Also too, you keep using the word “twitterpated” in random ways. Being twitterpated is to be in a state of crushing on someone. It’s from Bambi. As Inigo Montoya says to Vizzini (but not in Bambi), “You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.”

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  18. Showtunes! You need showtunes. How about “On the Street where you live” from My Fair Lady.
    BTW I am cursing you right now because the #1 song when I was born was “Everybody Loves Somebody” by Dean Martin. Not only am I older than God I have a truly hideous song stuck in my head! Thanks!

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  19. My mother used to say “let’s go drive around the rich neighborhoods and peek in the windows” (from the car of course)
    Then we would make up stories about them like the snotty women were waiting at home for their husbands who were out with their mistresses or whatnot. This was especially fun to do at Christmas. Now, I keep my blinds closed, there are crazy people out there. By the way, I still love to peek in windows when driving through any neighborhood.

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  20. Oh! Land of the Lost! New movie starring Will Ferrell. That’s going to be funny, just all of the references to the show are going to be great!
    You are on the party planning committee? Well Angela, I mean Phyllis, I mean June I suggest Let’s Get it On for your playlist!
    http://www.lazymoms.com

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  21. “What a Wonderful World/Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, the Izzy K (something long and Hawaiian) version. Just makes me melt.

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  22. Well, this is my first time to comment on your blog. I have to say I love it. I swear you must be related to one of my best friends from elementary school, they way your brains work!
    As far as music goes, I like a lot of the previous suggestions and am shocked and appalled that NO ONE, not one of your readers has mentioned Al Green yet. Al Green, people! The smoothest, best 70’s soul singer ever. Period.
    I don’t want to get your Elvis fans riled up, but for me there is only one reason to go to Memphis. Al Green.
    That should get your valentine’s dance grooving!

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  23. I LOVE that you mentioned Gladys Kravitz because I’ve been channeling Gladys Kravitz this week. I prevented my neighbor’s house getting broken into and my statement resulted in 3 felony arrests. I even got to ride in a patrol car to identify the vehicle used and the perpetrators.
    Who is proud of herself right now?

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  24. I would like to point out that 1) I know who Gladys Kravitz is, and 2) it was my birthday song that was “Physical” by Olivia Newton-John. But I was dying with envy of the people whose birthday songs were by Nat King Cole, because that is one of my favorite kinds of music.
    And I’m not sure who it was, but allow me to correct whoever it was that said The Beatles did God Only Knows. It was The Beach Boys. But definitely a very romantic song.
    To the list of suggested party music, I would like to suggest “My Ding-a-Ling,” by Chuck Berry. It has a proposition built right in. Romantic problems solved.

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  25. Those last two paragraphs in this post, THAT is why I read your blog. You are so funny and have this warped but awesome sense of humor. Love it!

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  26. P.S. to Cristy: I thought it was unconventional that an American (I’m assuming) home in 1927 would have Buddha bookends as well. That calender is fabulous. June, I hope you will show us next month too.

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  27. You’re right, sometimes I have no clue what you are taking about, with me being only like 12 and all. I think you are cool and enjoy your stories, but not really in a Mr. Miyagi kind of way. Yes, I have seen that movie even though I was born while you were puking up pink champagne.

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  28. hmmmmm nice romantic song for valentines?? My vote goes to Crazy Bitch from Buckcherry. hahahahahha You tube it and watch it, you might agree. hahahahaha

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  29. The Beatles song, “I Want to Hold Your Hand” keeps going round and round in my head, then “Love Me Tender” by none other than The King–Elvis.
    As for the pointy house, I love it, but my concern would be those books exposed to the dog, another meal for her.

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  30. I know who Gladys Kravitz is! I Googled her!
    I watched my fair share of Bewitched reruns as a kid…I had just forgotten her. But I do love me some Elizabeth Montgomery!
    Make sure to play Lucky by Jason Mraz.

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  31. I too read those and thought that maybe there was an elementary class project in which the students must comment on BBP.
    Also I want to be like Dooce too. That just blows me away with my 8 or 9 people who read me. I can’t imagine having 40,000.
    And then there is the whole reference to Gladys. I mean I saw the name and just knew you were talking about me only I live in a barn not a pointy house.
    Of course I need to mention that I actually have several Better Homes and Gardens from the 1950’s. They were on my Uncle’s coffee table when we moved him out of his house. I was amazed. They were sitting right there like they were brand new. I asked him if he was a dentist in his spare time what with all the old magazines.
    Now then where to I click to get your revenue stream up?

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  32. first, i would like to officially claim dibs on the “And you, there, in Oklahoma! Is that really what you’re doing with your hair today?” because 1) I’m from Oklahoma 2)I read every day that I’m online and 3)my hair DOES look like crap today.
    second, i’m intrigued that a 1927 cover of BH&G shows the person decorating with what appear to be little buddha (or something like that) bookends. strange.

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  33. Don’t feel bad June. There are some of us here that are approaching the “Geritol set” right along with you.
    I think you should add “I Honestly Love You” to which you could perform an overwrought love ballet. I can just see it now, you’ll have everyone in tears from laughing so hard. The visual is making me laugh right now.
    It’s funny you mention Gladys Kravitz, that’s what everyone in my stepmother’s old neighborhood use to call her. I wish she was only a tv show, then i could change the channel or just turn her off.

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  34. So have you ever heard of “In the Year 2525 (Exordium & Terminus)” by Zager & Evans? I was born in the summer of 69! Woodstock! The moon landing! All sort of groovy things were happening. I mean, really, shouldn’t I have a better song, or even one folks might have heard before? h

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  35. Also? I love that Sleeping Beauty’s list is alphabatized. And she included Norah Jones. Best make out music EVER. Natalie Merchant’s Carnival CD would also have some good ones for you.

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  36. Wait. WHAT? You can really make that kind of cash from a BLOG??? Does she really bring in that kind of dough every month??? What do we have to do to boost your revenue? Just log in a hundred times a day, each?
    Most all my favs were picked but here’s a few more:
    Brown Eyed Girl, Van Morrison
    MoonDance, also Van Morrison
    Cheeseburger in Paradise, Jimmy Buffet. Why? Because what could possible be more romantic than a cheeseburger?

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  37. I love your “old”, music-appreciating, twisted mind! I was born to “I Get Around” by the Beach Boys, which, I admit, I didn’t realize was that old…

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  38. Thank Jesus and all the saints. As I was reading yesterday’s comments, I thought, “Who’s Pampers need changing?” And then I realized that the stench came from my own Depends…
    My birth song was “Johnny Angel”. No, it’s not from the Fifties! It’s 1962! Bunch of babies!
    So play “Johnny Angel” just for me June and do the drunken frat boy slow dance with Marvin, will ‘ya?

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  39. Your whole scenario with Gladys Kravitz just proves what your grandmother (I think?) said about you: You don’t need anyone. You have fun all by yourself.
    And you are way funnier than La Dooce.

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  40. Romantic song – Amy Grant cover of Love Me Tender – from the soundtrack of Honeymoon in Vegas. I have a bunch of romanitc world music on my wedding play list (we used an iPod instead of live music at our cheap but fun wedding).
    And the #1 song on my birthday – Sugar Shack by Jimmy Gilmer & the Fireballs. I don’t think I even know that song but just the title makes me feel really old….

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  41. “Summer Loving” from Grease
    “You Belong to Me” by Dean Martin.
    “Georgia” by Ray Charles
    “Hallelujah” and “Last Kiss Goodbye” by Jeff Buckley
    and just about ANYTHING on Sleeping Beauty’s playlist.
    Also, I sent a link to the birthday song generator to my friends yesterday, and when I went to school at pick-up time, I had 3 different people sing “their song” to me before they even said hi. So, NoVA says thanks for the free entertainment yesterday.

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  42. Wow, I get excited when I get a dollar a day. I need to dream bigger. Yikes but the pressure to be that interesting all the time….no thanks.

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  43. I know who Gladys Kravitz is. Abner and Gladys. I loved Tabitha because her real name was Erin. And I like you and read your blog because you make me laugh, and that closes the gap between the Rolling Stones and Falco. To me, you’re not old. Here are my music suggestions, pulled from my wedding reception music list:
    Jack Johnson- Better Together
    Peter Gabriel- Book of Love (also In Your Eyes but SB already mentioned it)
    Randy Travis- Forever and Ever
    Toploader- Dancing in the Moonlight
    The Beatles- God Only Knows
    Dave Matthews- So Right
    Michael Buble- Feeling Good
    The Temptations- Lady Soul
    Allison Krauss- When You Say Nothing At All
    Ben Folds- The Luckiest
    Make Marvin get you these songs because even if you don’t use them for your Love Hearts Party, they’re just wonderful songs.

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  44. Oh, you are killin’ me, Smalls! My sister and I frequently enter “fantasy land” and you just did with your whole “Gladys bought the house to torment the wife of the man she loves and then later said wife bludgeons Gladys to death” scenario. I am rolling. I think you need to vacation to Chicago so the three of us can sit around and spin fantasy yarns. How fun.
    Now songs…
    You Send Me ~ Sam Cooke. Love it, one of my all time favorites.
    Love Suicide ~ Edwin McCain. (Is that his last name? That doesn’t sound right.)
    Friday, I’m in Love ~ The Cure
    Bring It On Home To Me ~ Sam Cooke. Yet another Sam Cooke song. Because he was great.
    Lovebug ~ The Jonas Brothers. YES, The Jonas Brothers. I personally don’t find anything wrong with having a serious crush on the 16 year old Jonas, Nick. He’s a cutie. Yeah, go ahead, call the Feds. He’s in no danger from me, really. He just reminds me of my first boyfriend, curly dark hair, brown eyes, no facial hair.
    Several Nat King Cole songs, my faves are:
    Non Dimenticar
    Our Love is Here To Stay
    Darling, Je Vous Aime Beaucoup
    Orange Colored Sky
    Yes, I might be younger than you but Jonas Brothers withstanding, apparently I am channeling an older soul.

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  45. “Your Song” but not the Elton John version, the one from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. I fall in love with Ewan McGregor all over again every time I hear that song.

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  46. I didn’t comment yesterday because I didn’t want to say but if it makes you feel better to know you have at least one reader older (by a lot) than you I will tell – “Twelfth Street Rag” by Pee Wee Hunt.

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  47. Now, June. It is “…all TOO young to remember,” not “all TO young to remember.” As I am all too sure you know. I am all too sure this was just a case of an inadvertent typo; nevertheless, I cannot let it go.

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  48. I’ve gone through my iTunes list just for you, June, and come up with the ULTIMATE valentine’s day playlist for you. If you play all these songs you will be a STAR in your office. Trust me, just do what I say (as a certain ex-boyfriend of mine used to say).
    Hey Ladies, Beastie Boys
    I Want to Hold Your Hand, The Beatles
    Sexx Laws, Beck
    Come Rain or Come Shine, Billie Holliday
    Ingrid Bergman, Billy Bragg & Wilco
    One Way or Another, Blondie
    Slave to Love, Bryan Ferry
    Quelqu’un ma dit, Carla Bruni
    I’m Every Woman, Chaka Khan
    Should I Stay Or Should I Go? The Clash
    Train In Vain, The Clash
    Babylon, David Gray
    You Spin Me Round, Dead or Alive
    Landslide, Dixie Chicks
    Son of A Preacher Man, Dusty Springfield
    Turn to Stone, ELO
    Anything by Elton John, incl. “The Bitch is Back”
    Talking Bout My Baby, Fatboy Slim
    Get Him Back, Fiona Apple
    You Make Loving Fun, Fleetwood Mac
    Break My Heart, George Clinton
    Midnight Train to Georgia, Gladys Knight
    Piece of my Heart, Janis Joplin
    The Thrill Is Gone, Jerry Garcia & David Grisman
    Whatever’s For Us, For Us, Joan Armatrading
    Is She Really Going Out With Him, Joe Jackson
    Walk the Line, Johnny Cash
    Ring of Fire, Johnny Cash
    Understand Your Man, Johnny Cash
    A Case of You, Joni Mitchell
    Love Will Tear Us Apart, Joy Division
    Gold Digger, Kanye West
    Since U Been Gone, Kelly Clarkson
    Hello, Lionel Ritchie
    Passionate Kisses, Mary Chapin Carpenter
    Heart of Gold, Neil Young
    Bizarre Love Triangle, New Order
    Don’t Know Why, Norah Jones
    Fever, Peggy Lee
    In Your Eyes, Peter Gabriel
    I Feel For You, Prince
    Beast of Burden, Rolling Stones
    Je T’Aime…. Serge Gainsbourg
    Killin’ Kind, Shelby Lynne
    Mrs. Robinson, Simon & Garfunkel
    You’re The Best Thing, Style Council
    Girlfriend is Better, Talking Heads
    This Must Be The Place, Talking Heads
    Ain’t Too Proud To Beg, Temptations
    With or Without You, U2
    Into the Mystic, Van Morrison
    Only You, Yaz

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  49. For your Valentine CD for work I recommend you do all Prince stuff. Maybe a little Justin Timberlake Sexy Back thrown in for good measure. Oh! Madona, Like a Virgin. (Giggles)

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  50. I’m about the same age as you, June, but I’m just guessing your appeal to younger people is you’re like the cool aunt. You know the one with no kids who still keeps up with music, lets the nieces and nephews watch way inappropriate movies, stay up too late and eat ice cream for dinner? That’s you.
    My suggestion for your CD is my favorite romantic song, “I’ll Stop the World and Melt with You” by Modern English.

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  51. “Dream a Little Dream of Me” by Louis Armstrong. Also, I missed the birth songs post, mine was “Joy to the World” by Three Dog Night and it’s totally stuck in my head now. I have a Gladys neighbor, which actually comes in handy when there’s “drama” in the neighborhood and you want the scoop.

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  52. hey, I was wondering, if the readers of your blog are really as young as their songs indicate, do you think any of them know who Gladys Kravitz is?? I on the other hand, can claim “I feel Fine” by the Beatles as the song from the day I was born….so I DO remember Gladys, and I too talk about her like everyone should know who she is! Who would have thought that so many years later, Gladys is a household word among the 40 something set!

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  53. As always, you started my day off with a smile.
    As for sweet love songs-my favorite is James Taylor’s “Dont Let Me Be Lonely Tonight”.
    Here’s hoping you have a great day!

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