I came home tonight and Marvin was doing his Thomas Kinkade impression, where every light in the house was on. I half-expected some sort of inspirational message to appear underneath our house, like "It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn" or "Plant Your Corn Early" or something.

When I got inside and turned off 857 lights–and by the way, Marvin will turn on every single light in the house, including the attic light, but he leaves the heat off and all the animals have icicles hanging off their snouts–Marvin was just leaving for the gym, so I got to make whatever I wanted for dinner. I had slices of green apple, walnuts, and Parmesan Reggiano cheese drizzled in honey. Man Polly quit cryin' it was delicious.

Thank you all for your song suggestions for my upcoming Valentine's Day bash at work. I thought Book of Love was particularly brilliant, and yes, it DID kill me that Sleeping Beauty put her list in alpha order. I am totally gonna steal from everyone's suggestions. Well, except I'm not putting I Touch Myself on the song list.

Speaking of work, my boss came in to my office and was all excited because it is supposed to snow a lot here tonight. She said, "Do you have the emergency number to call, in case we shut down?" I told her I did, and then before I even had a chance to stop myself I heard myself say, "I better print out these pages I'm proofreading so I can look at them at home, in case we can't get to work tomorrow."

What the Sam Hill is wrong with me? No one told me to print out pages and work at home if we have a snow day tomorrow. No one told me I had to meet my deadline anyway. What a maroon. What an embezzle. Now if there's a snow day I'll have to work all day ANYWAY. Why can't I ever shut up?

Oh, also, I wanted to tell you. A couple of you thought it was odd that a 1927 Better Homes and Gardens would show a house with a Buddha statue, but Eastern-influenced decor was really in style in fancy homes in the '20s. I just learned that when I took that tour of that old mansion on Christmas Eve. See how you learn things when you creepy-crawl rich people's houses? 

And speaking of that, someone else said she and her mom used to like to look in rich people's windows, and when I lived in Seattle, I had a boyfriend who wasn't rich, but for some reason his apartment was slap in the middle of a rich person neighborhood. He and I used to take walks at night so we could see in the windows of the fancy people. I LOVED doing that!

At the time, I was a receptionist and he worked in a copy shop. We used to say, "Do you think those people work at copy shops? Do you think they answer phones for a living?" We never got depressed, though, because we were 27 and figured there was plenty of time to be rich.

I wonder if that guy got rich. I am doubtin' it. He had hair down the middle of his back and 87 earrings. He was really thrifty, though, I recall, and always had a $1,000 cushion in his checking account. Me too. A $1,000 cushion. Whatever.

I once asked him why it is that men never get over the sight of a naked woman. I mean, really. You've seen one good one, you've seen them all, right? And this guy was handsome; he'd had a lot of girlfriends. But whenever a naked woman was on TV or whatever he'd be all, "Oooo!" So I asked him, why don't men ever get over it? And he said for men, seeing a woman naked was like chips and salsa. No matter how many time you have chips and salsa, it's always great. Somehow that made sense to me.

Hey, I hear old light at the end of the tunnel coming back from the gym, out in the driveway. Oh, what do you know? He just flicked on the living room light!

31 thoughts on “You light up my house

  1. chickadee says:

    oh my gosh i’m marvin. i have to have all the lights on (it’s good for the people who like to walk by and peek inside).


  2. Absolutely everyone is getting snow but us. I hate that.


  3. Speedy Gonzales says:

    Imbicile. mmm, chips and salsa!


  4. Krista says:

    You crack me up with the Thomas Kinkade reference! I’ve just been on the phone for an HOUR with a certain not-free-credit report company, trying to get them to stop charging me for some service I never asked for. . . and I needed the comic relief!


  5. Kim says:

    Kay, it’s Trace Adkins.


  6. Kay says:

    Now you can’t forget that old country song “Every Light In The House is On” who was that? Dang it, tall long haired country singer that isn’t Alan Jackson. Got shot by his wife in 1994. Um. Help?


  7. Tee says:

    The turning on the light in another man thing. My hubby does the same thing, it starts at the back door and goes all the way to the attic. I’m constantly saying, “turn off all these lights, Georgia Power has their hand in our pockets already!”
    I do love to ride around at night and see in the windows. Note, I said ride, not walk. Besides, it’s too blame cold to walk anywhere today! It was 17 with a wind chill of 0 (ZERO folks) this morning, now that’s cold here in the Atlanta area. It’s suppose to go all the way to up 31 today. Global warming is alive and well?


  8. Jan says:

    Oh J… The octpulet mom IS planning to breastfeed all eight of them. How? I’m not sure. Maybe she’s part cow. Really, two at a time, every two hours, eating for 30-45 minutes a time. Hhmm.. the math doesn’t quite add up. I guess she is planning to not sleep, literally, for the next year. Of course they want to eat every two hours, not to mention the diaper changes, etc. that go along with each feeding. When is she going to pee?
    Brindi… I hear ya, sister!


  9. Brindi says:

    When I see a naked man, I wish it would make as excited as when I see chips and salsa.


  10. J says:

    It’s all over the news about the woman that gave birth to the octuplets. What I’m not hearing is if she is planning to breastfeed.


  11. Angela says:

    Hi, N. Hi!


  12. Cristy says:

    oooh! i was the one who suggested book of love. glad you liked the idea.
    if you all need game ideas, you could have a list of names of couples and let everyone take a quiz and say what book the couple is from.
    and in conclusion, do you think thomas kinkaide is secretly in bed with the electric companies, sending us the subliminal message that we should turn all the lights on in our house?


  13. Jan says:

    I’m thinking the ex- boyfriend is rich with his haughty-taughty $1000 cushion. And he is apparently briliant with the naked woman =chip and salsa explaination. That is the only time that I have ever got it. Really. Great explaination. It totally makes sense now. Now ya’ll need to excuse me, I just saw some Salsa in the fridge and a fresh bag of chips in the pantry, I feel like I might need a little “alone” time.


  14. I love the chips and salsa explanation! That makes sense to me too. I wonder if their mouth waters when they see a naked lady like mine does when I see a basket of chips?


  15. Paula FNY, D says:

    I also like to look in people’s houses but I am too inherently lazy to actually go for a walk, so:


  16. Kim says:

    Thomas Kinkade….oh look, how pretty, McArt! I’m really good about turning the lights off after myself, anything to lower the power bill.
    Where i live, i had never heard of Parmesan “Reggiano” before Rachael Ray. Did you incorporate any EVOO into you meal also? I guess we’re not as diversified as other places, here in the mecca known as Saginaw.
    Oh come on now June. You can’t tell me if you saw Brad Pitt in the buff, sauntering across your TV screen that it wouldn’t grab your attention.


  17. Sleeping Beauty says:

    EVERYONE!!! I HAVE A DIRECT REQUEST FROM JUNE! now that i have your attn i’ll stop writing in all-caps. June cannot get to her blog at work right now, but asked me to ask you all to please stop commenting about GWDGM here. People June works with and carpools with read this blog now, so June’s hoping we can not mention people who may not get her from now on. THANK YOU! 🙂


  18. tone deaf says:

    My husband likes a cave-like atmosphere. No lights for him, no siree, and let’s keep the thermostat on 64. Then he comes behind me turning off lights. Drives me crazy.


  19. Paula FNY, D says:

    Thomas Kinkade impression!! Hee!! I am TOTALLY stealing that. Sometimes when I round the corner coming home, I think my house is on fire with all light emanating from every window. Me, I’m happy with just a task light and the rest of the place bathed in darkness. My husband has threatened to buy me a coal miner’s helmet.


  20. Erin D. says:

    Heeheehee. Pin the tail on gwdgy.
    No kidding about men and nakedness. But I’ve got to say, not all salsas are created the same. I feel that if I were a kind of chips and salsa, I’d be those crappy flour tortilla chips and the salsa with all the cilantro in it.


  21. Deja says:

    Thoman Kinkade. Ugg, I say. I can’t stand that he’s the self-proclaimed “Painter of Light.” You can’t just decide you’re the painter of light, can you? I mean, if someone was/is the painter of light, wouldn’t we say that’s, um, Monet? Or something, someone, anyone else.
    But now I see maybe it just means all the lights are on. Now I feel better.


  22. J says:

    If that’s your dinner menu, then it’s not the Topamax that’s making you skinny.
    For this Valentine’s party, do you have to plan activities? Dancing? A little round of spin the bottle? Pin the tail on GWDGY?


  23. Bambi says:

    Isn’t that why they leave their silk drapes open~~so we can see in? I always kind of figured there was someone sitting in there saying “oh look, dear. The poor neighbors are checking out our house again”. But that’s okay,I’ll keep doing it anyway!! And,June,you can look in my windows anytime. I’ll leave the light on for ya.


  24. Laurie says:

    My mother would complain that my sister went through the house turning on all the lights. My sister would complain that my mother lived like a mole. I’m more of a mole, but I’m a mole with a lower electric bill.


  25. phasejumper says:

    I’m with Anna. If your curtains are open, I’m looking in. Maybe that is why my house is shut up like a tomb….


  26. Jean says:

    My husband and I claim to walk at night for exercise, but really it’s so we can look in windows. 🙂


  27. Leah says:

    I am guilty of leaving all the lights on too. Especially when Husb is out of town…I sleep with some of them on! I want the lights on if the killer tries to get me! Also, now everytime I look at my Thomas Kinkade coffee cup or Christmas ornament I will notice all the lights are on. Since we are talking about lights…and I’m all chatty…you know what I don’t like? When you go to a restaurant and there isn’t sufficient light. I hate eating in the dark! Moving on. Husb and I also like to drive around and look at houses and peep in peoples homes at night. When you come back to Seattle (you know you want to) we can go do it!


  28. Cyndi says:

    There are four people who live in my house, and I am the only one who has the skill to maneuver a light switch into the “off” position. Our dog taught herself to open doorknobs–maybe she can train my family members to turn off the lights when they leave a room.


  29. Amara says:

    Yeah. Thousand dollar cushion. My husband calls me Am-ron (after a famous cheating company who shall remain nameless)because when I balance my account I put in fake transactions paying him back because I don’t ever have REAL money to pay him back. He’s the one who likes to have it balance, so I’m trying to be accommodating.


  30. Bronwen says:

    I am the one with the Peeping Tom mom and I still like to walk through my own neighborhood looking in windows. The house you have pictured looks awesome. I can imagine someone playing the piano in one of the rooms and a couple enjoying a martini by the fire in another. And judging from the size of the house, a chef whipping up a beef tenderloin with whipped potatoes and creme brulee in the kitchen. Gosh, I am getting hungry, I think I will go out in the freezing cold and peek in the neighbors windows to see if they have anything good for dinner!


  31. anna says:

    i love looking in people’s houses at night too! if their curtains are open, they’re fair game, thinks i. i want to say something funny, so that you’ll pick me, but all my funniness has left me.


Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: