June's stupid life

Wherein you, the reader, are part of my sociological experiment

Usually, I don't even think about what I'm gonna write when I write here. I just sit down and ramble. Which I'm sure is not evident at all.

But today I am so TIRED, which has nothing to do with Tallulah taking up all the room on the bed, with her head on the pillow and her legs outstretched, sawing logs at the top of her lungs all night last night. So after a nutritious microwave-popcorn dinner, I asked Marvin, "What should I blog about tonight?"

"Well, why don't you blog about 'I'm Irked?'" he said. Marvin is a lot like my grandfather. Every time in the history of my life, whenever I was going to get my hair cut, my grandfather would say, "Why don't you get a butch haircut?" Now, why on earth would I WANT a butch haircut? In what world would this be a stellar idea? Yet he said it every time. This 'I'm Irked' idea ranked right up there with the butch haircut, and it came from nowhere.

"Why would anyone want to hear about 'I'm Irked'?" I asked him.

"Everyone would want to hear about it. It's hilarious. You wouldn't believe the number of comments you'll get if you talk about 'I'm Irked.'"

"I will get zero point zero comments. This is why no one ever read any of your blogs. There is nothing I can think of that would bore everybody more than reading about 'I'm Irked,'" I said.

With that, Marvin went in and scanned an 'I'm Irked'.

'I'm Irked' was a column I wrote for my high school newspaper. In the column, I complained about something new each time.

Irked

There was even a picture of me (see above) grabbing my mullet in frustration. In this hard-hitting article, where I complain about how annoying my classmate are, I said, "Let's make it clear that I am no tower of patience. I do tend to get irked slightly more than the average person. But it seems that people TRY to make me gnash my teeth in irkedness with their classroom habits."

I even wrote a whole column about how the side doors of the school were locked. A WHOLE COLUMN. "Every Wednesday and Thursday, I trudge back to school to go to swim practice — I'm a boys' swim team manager. The walk is not exactly tropical, thanks to Michigan's climate. When I finally see those high school doors, I whip a blue hand out of my coat pocket and reach for the brown handle of one of the side doors of the school.

"And do you know what happens to me? After that long, torturous walk to school, after I dedicate myself to an extracurricular activity? Do you know what happens? THE SIDE DOORS ARE LOCKED!"

If you think about it, this blog is just kind of a continuation of 'I'm Irked', isn't it?

I complained about repetitive TV commercials (I particularly hated the "How do you get your shirts so clean, Mr. Lee" commercial), and stupid rules my high school made up. Apparently, I had gotten in trouble for sitting in front of my locker: "I was told I was breaking a fire law. Is the high schooler's spine so hot that if she leans against a locker it'll burst into flames?"

Okay, that one was kind of funny.

I had also gotten into trouble for wearing a hat at school: "Lady Di wears hats. Why can't I? What terrible outcome will there be if my skull is decorated?"

You get the idea. Anyway, my biggest memory of the 'I'm Irked' column is that Faithful Reader PlumCow put one of my columns in her locker door, but she carefully erased and wrote over the letters so my column was 'I'm Naked'. Who got a kick out of her own self? Was it PlumCow?

So here is where I want to see if Marvin is correct or I am. What I say is WHO CARES ABOUT MY STUPID I'M IRKED COLUMN? I say I will get no comments on this post, or maybe seven. Marvin thinks they will roll in. ROLLLLLLL in.

Either way, I'm irked.

69 thoughts on “Wherein you, the reader, are part of my sociological experiment

  1. I think you should upload each of your “I’m Irked” columns for us to all re-live your High School years.
    Or, you could upload an “I’m Naked” column, but that might require changing the status of your blog to “adult”. (Of course, then you could charge for people to log in – and that particular industry is virtually recession-proof!)

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  2. Clearly your writing genius shined way back in high school (sorry about that ”way back” crack – it was entirely uncalled for.)

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  3. Irkin the Gherkin…BaH! That should be a porn movie, or a band, or a blog section, something.
    And Saginawman, we must take this offline and discuss further.
    Moo

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  4. I’m just commenting to add to the ‘we like it, keep being irked’ tally. And please post the link to his blog so I can read it – anyone who teaches middle school (besides being married to you) probably has a LOT of entertaining stories to pass on.

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  5. Ok. I know this is totally off-subject, but has anyone else noticed that the “Special of the Week” is not so special anymore? It’s been there since FEBRUARY 20TH!!
    June! Help! We need a new special!
    And, yes, we all love the I’m Irked column. You MUST publish each of them!
    GOOOOO, MARvin!

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  6. Well, first, the mullet? not a butch haircut at all. Thanks, Grandpa.
    Second, YES of COURSE we want to know how you complained in the good old days before there was money to spend and pie to eat!!!

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  7. I want to read the I’m Irked archives! I wrote for the school paper in high school because I took journalism thinking it would be an easy elective… I didn’t know they worked like it was their job! I HATED it. I cried in that class. Seriously. My editors were mean to me. And they had me writing for Sports. It was awful.

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  8. Did someone proofread your column in high school because I don’t know that “irkedness” is a word. And did you go to Catholic school? Because the first thing I pictured when you said “classroom habits” was a bunch of nuns. And don’t proofread my punctuation in this comment.

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  9. The archives would be so fun to explore! SHARE! What about a new weekly column where you get irked about work and such???

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  10. p.s. I think all of us faithful readers should each write an “I’m Irked” post in our blogs and then June could have a Mr. Linky party.

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  11. I think he wins. You already knew that we like to hear about what bothers you, so we can say whether it bothers us too.
    And I’m glad to learn that there were other schools that senselessly forbade hats. TV shows set in schools always made me so jealous with their hats and flip-flops and short shorts and spaghetti straps.

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  12. Too funny! I like it. Looks like you’ve had a talent for writing for your whole life!
    Hopefully I’ll see you in April! 🙂

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  13. You should start a new blog about how you annoy me, Mr. Gardensalad, (yoko-ing, etc.), and call it Irkin the Gherkin.

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  14. Junie Gardens? I didn’t realize you were already married to Marvin in highschool. Marvin totally robbed the cradle.

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  15. Marvin was right. I think you should scan every original article in for us to print out and bind together… our very own June book.
    I also had a column for the high school paper. It was titled “Janet’s Jabberings” and I pretty much did the same thing you did.
    And for the record… a butch haircut would be SWEET! 😉

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  16. Dear Irked,
    This has been fascinating and it would appear that Marvin is correct that *we* can’t resist reading and chiming in. *I* am totally enthralled with the picture of Junie Irked being the manager of the BOYS swim team. Come on girl, surely you got stories about that. I’m waiting……

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  17. Hmmmm, I think Marvin should start his own blog. It would be fun, for us at least, to see who gets more comments.
    Come on Mr. GardenSalad!!!

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  18. Actually Plum Cow you’re a bit confused. I had a naked picture of Gronski in my locker.
    I’m Irked was funny. Not quite as funny when I was on the receiving end of what was irksome on a daily basis. That paper didn’t come out often enough. June needed the irk outlet.

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  19. That sounds like quite the entertaining article – it makes me irked with jealousy. See, I’m one of those people that comes up with witty things to say 2 hours after it would have been appropriate. Which sucks, because the stuff I come up with (eventually) is really good!

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  20. I am fascinated by ‘I’m Irked.’ Sorry, June…Marvin was right. What other topics has he suggested that you’re holding out on us? (Marvin did not pay me to say this, but if he wants to, I’m okay with that.)

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  21. When i first saw the words “I’m Irked” in your blog I immediately expected to be entertained. Whenever you were “Irked” I always knew I’d be laughing shortly thereafter.

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  22. Ha! I had plum forgotten about that! Get it, plum. “Ohh, yer irkin me there sister!”
    Are you sure I did that? I thought I had a picture of Gronski naked in my locker…
    (Oh, who just cracked herself up over here?)

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  23. I love the I’m irked column making me another vote for Marvin..Does it make you wonder if maybe your Grandfather was right?…he he just kidding…but hey June..did you see that the scientists at MIT went to work on frizzy hair and have come out with a product called I think Living Proof. I can’t wait to try it.

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  24. Ummmm, so did you want us to comment to cement how ridiculously popular you are in blogland?
    Or would you like us to NOT comment and so prove you right and give you ammunition against Marvin?
    This is all too confusing – I think your wet hair timing test was a far more scientific experiment. This one will have skewed results with sad people like me commenting (or not) just to please you.
    Also, do you have some method to ensure all the comments are not just sneaky ones from Marvin-in-disguise? That’s something Mr Accidental does regularly. When no one comments on my lame blogs he pretends to be a nana and writes old people comments as Anon to keep me happy. Watch out for sneaky Marvins!

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  25. Rockumentary… lol!
    I love that nearly half of the comments posted are from Marvin & Co. That’s right bud, skew the numbers! Whatever helps you sleep at night.
    On the other hand, I agree that reading about what irks you are my favorite posts. You’re too funny and I love it! (and I love Marvin too, because who wouldn’t love a man with such good and helpful suggestions?)

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  26. June – I was irked about not being able to wear flip flops to high school…in Montana…when it was like -5o degrees out. I think I have the letter I wrote to the high school newspaper editor about it somewhere.. Ya I was irked in high school too…

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  27. Dear Mary Ellen from take a Napa,
    He didn’t write those! I know, right!? I thought he wrote ’em too. Some wise guy did.

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  28. I have been totally irked by Marvin’s many posts to make himself right. Yeesh! Doesn’t he have a rockumentary to watch or a foot to fettish?

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  29. You know, I probably wouldn’t have left a comment if it weren’t for the thought of Marvin running around saying “I told you so”. Is he checking your comments every 10 minutes?

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  30. Marvin is absolutely correct….we all want to read the column….I’m going to have to track down these columns.
    Just curious as to what High School you went to…..as I live in Saginaw!

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  31. Marvin’s friend is right! Marvin IS brilliant!!! Remember, he is the one who got you started on this whole blog thing.

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  32. Marvin is brilliant!! I am going to contact the high school and see if I can get every back issue.

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  33. I’d hate for Marvin to be wrong all the time, so I must leave a comment! The great thing about “I’m Irked” is that there is so much that does irk and some people do their level best to try to irk. Plenty of writing fodder, I would think.

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  34. The only problem with this fine double-blind experiment is that in order to support the non-commenting side, one would have to leave a comment. No?
    So, I am SURE I am not the only one who thinks that finding out our Junie wrote an I’m Irked column is like finding out that George Washington was loved by many Americans. Who would’ve thought?

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