Marvin feels victorious, and is in the other room gloating. If you didn't read my post yesterday, you have no idea what I'm talking about. Also too, I like how the comments morphed from "This is a fine topic" to "Yes, you certainly should scan all your old 'I'm Irked' articles and put them on here." Okay, I NEVER SAID I was going to do that. You all just made that up in your own minds.
Moving on to today's topic, I need dog advice, first of all. As you know, this dog goes to day care, and she loves other dogs. But when I pick her up, she runs into the lobby, I put the leash on her, and I have to sign her out. If, while I'm signing her out, some other person comes and gets THEIR dog? Who she just spent nine hours playing with in the other room? She goes berserk. She barks and snarls and leaps and sounds TOTALLY EVIL, like she has no idea that she just spent the day with this dog.
Is she a moron? Is there some kind of dog gang war going on at dog day care, and all the dogs who come out happen to be Crips and Lula is a Blood? What on earth do I do? I have no idea how to get her to shut up, and it is humiliating. Help, please.
Also, I was emailing with someone from high school and I started thinking about old romances. Not that I was emailing with anyone I had a romance with, but we started talking about our old romances in general. Do you have any terrible broken heart stories? Isn't it funny how much time you waste feeling bad about someone you broke up with, when you're just gonna get over them and feel fine about it eventually?
My worst story, as some of you who've read this blog awhile know, is the one where I lived with a guy for a year or two, and he wasn't ready to get married. I was all of 27 or something, and I said time's a-wastin'. If you're not ready to get married, I have no choice but to move on. Which was stupid, because I was in no way ready to be married myself. But whatever. I was just mad he didn't want to marry me.
Anyway, I ran into him TWO MONTHS LATER and he had eloped with someone else. TWO MONTHS. Believe it or not, I maintained my composure, said congratulations and managed to escape before I THREW MYSELF TO THE GROUND and wept for about a year and a half. Oh, that was humiliating. I think when someone says they're not ready to get married, it means they're not ready to get married to you.
I also had a boyfriend in college, who never quite closed his mouth. I mean, it always hung open a little. Now I wish I hadn't said that, because I actually stalked him on Google recently, and I could have linked to his photo and we could have all stalked his photo together, but now I have said that sort of mean thing and I can't show you his picture. Anyway, one summer I was going to London for the whole summer and he was going on this archaeological dig in the middle of Mexico. I spent the ENTIRE SUMMER mooning over this guy when I should have been enjoying London, and he NEVER WROTE OR CALLED ME ONCE. Not once!
The thing was, he was in this remote place, and I didn't know if I was dumped or if he simply had no way of contacting me. So you can imagine my nervousness when I went to get him at the airport. On the drive to his apartment, he told me things had changed and he needed time to think.
I was in the middle of working this huge festival for my job, and all my friends were working the same festival, and they all knew I was going to get him at the airport, and that I had drama. So when I showed up without him at the festival the next day, I'll never forget how everyone just wordlessly formed a big circle around me and hugged me. I hate hugs, but at that point I accepted it.
Then he showed up at the festival and said he wanted to give it another try, leading me in retrospect to think he spent the whole summer sleeping with another archaeologist but decided I was the better choice. Whatev.
So, tell me your dreadful heartbreak story. One time a woman said to Marvin, "I'd rather be a bitch than go out with you," which doesn't even make any sense.