I heart computers. Really.

Lucone

Remember when poor Tallulah got fixed and had to wear the cone? It really has nothing to do with this post, I just saw the picture and felt bad for her all over again.

So, the computer guy at work hates me again. Remember a few months back when I turned everything on my screen upside down? And in case anyone wonders how I did it, push Control, Alt, and your down arrow at the same time. It doesn't work on everyone's computer, but it clearly works on my work computer. (Oh, and push Control, Alt, and the up arrow to fix it.)

Okay, so I did that, and that one was hard to live down. And have I mentioned EVERY computer guy from EVERY job I've ever had has hated me? Well, except in college I worked for the museum, and the computer guy there was my roommate Peter. And even though he liked me as a person, as opposed to liking me as a roly-poly bug, you could tell he wanted to stick the computer up my nethers a lot of times. I remember when I first started at the museum and he said, "We need to get you set up on a computer. What kind do you want?" and I said, "A pink kind."

See, it's stuff like that that makes the computer people hate me.

Because mechanical electric things are not my forte. I am just ON this computer all the time because I need to for work and also to blog. But all the ins and outs and things like there is supposed to be a difference between a Mac and a PC? Mean nothing to me.

So anyway, a few months ago, I made all the icons on my desktop teeny tiny, and the font for things teeny tiny too. It was like a desktop for Thumbelina.

And when I DO this stuff, I have no idea how I did it, and it takes not just our department computer guy, who is vaguely bemused by me, but the WHOLE COMPANY computer guy, who just hates every fiber of my being. I know he goes home and complains about me.

The thing I did yesterday was, I was typing along on the Internet when all of a sudden I noticed I had no little home icon at the top of my page. I was like Dorothy on The Wizard of Oz. I couldn't get home. I mean, it seems like these oddities only happen to me.

I called our department computer guy in, who always starts to kind of shake his head as soon as he sees me. After, oh, I don't know, an HOUR, he calls the guy who hates me, the big computer guy for the company.

"Yeah, Jim, I'm here in someone's office, and I can't get this person's home icon to come back up on her Google page."

I can tell he's trying desperately to play the pronoun game, to keep me safe. He answered a few questions, and finally said, "June." There was a pause. "June Gardens."

I could hear an "Oh, geez!" through the phone.

After, oh, another hour, they had to give me a whole new whatever, where I couldn't touch my computer because it was downloading files. Our department computer guy came in and told me he researched this online, and that sometimes the no-home-icon-thing just randomly happens to people.

When the computer guy for the whole company called to tell me my computer was back up, I relayed this info to him. "So there's every possibility this was not my fault," I informed him.

There was a pause.

"There's every possibility this was entirely your fault, June," he said.

Oh, how he hates me. Do you think I should tell him I don't know the difference between a Mac and a PC?

29 thoughts on “I heart computers. Really.

  1. Tom and I were talking about laptops the other day, and I said his Dell sucks, and then I asked him what kind I have, and he said, “Honey, you have a red one, remember?”
    And it is red!! I love it!! (it’s also a Gateway, the cheapest one at Costco).

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  2. I hear ya, sista. Phillips, slots, flatheads….I’m never sure if they’re talking about gambling, catfish or screwdrivers. Cause, really? the only screwdriver I’m interested in is the kind with o.j.

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  3. Amen, J.
    The computer guy at my old work was a JACK ASS and I do not like him. When I started in my new position, it required me to have the computer. And I was terrified of it. Because I was afraid I’d break it. He came in change password and some other stuff that belonged to the girl that had my job before me. He explained it all to me, what he took off, what he left on and how I could access it. Then he said, “I also took out Megan’s resume.” And I said, “Oh, you should have just left that, she had more education than me.” Then he glanced over at me and said, in a nasty, nasty tone, “I highly doubt anyone would mistake you as an aerobic instructor.” OH THE RAGE I HAVE STILL!!!! I am a tall, big girl. Big as in athletic. Big as in I could snap your twiggy ass computer nerd self in two. Oh, I loathe him. Really. I actually had the chance to knock him down a flight of stairs and I actually thought about doing it. (and kind of regret that I didn’t).
    So, June, it’s not you, it’s him… there all asses. Except for the guy who was trying to not out you.

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  4. Oh gosh. The IT guy at my job from which I was just laid off was a jackass too. I think it’s a requirement on the application.
    On the bright side, I now have a new fun computer trick. I just spent 5 minutes entertaining my 14 year-old by turning everything on my screen upside down and then back again. I did it a lot of times and made her wait before I told her how to do it. Haha.

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  5. I’m commenting on this post because I wanna make sure other people see it – about kar-ON. You know there is a large but technically minority ethnic group in Burma that is being murdered, raped, and otherwise forced from their homes in a seeming attempted genocide by the Burmese government. It’s been going on for YEARS – maybe even since the time of your uncle’s conversation with someone named kar-ON. What do you think this beleaguered ethnic group is called? The Karen people. How do you think that word’s pronounced in Burmese? The kar-EHN. Or perhaps depending on who’s saying it, the kar-ON. The Karen people have had refugee status for decades probably, and many of them have ended up in the US. Do you or your uncle know anything about the ethnicity of this pretentious woman he hung up on, hmmmmmmmmmm? Or if her family may had been wiped out by the notorious Burmese junta, and maybe she took on the name of her people in their memory or something like that? Not tryin to make you feel BAD or anything. Don’t hate me. I’m just sayin.

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  6. Sometimes my cats walk across my keyboard and strange things have happened to the display and my fiance has to sort them out. This is in fact awesome becuase if for some reason I begin to fiddle about an dmess somehting up I can say “the cats did it!” and I get away with it.

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  7. EVERYONE I’M A TOTAL MO-FO IDIOT. THERE WAS NO UNCLE IN THE STORY I REFERRED TO. MEA CULPA. MEA DUMBASS. IT WAS JUNE’S FATHER – OKAY?

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  8. Since it is the IT person’s job to solve computer problems, where do they get off being annoyed that they have to solve computer problems? You are job security to them June. They should be grateful to you and send gifts at Christmas. You are their bread and butter.

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  9. Jan – The perfect ending to that story would be that you rose to your full, glorious height and stated, “I’m not an aerobics instructor, but I AM a karate instructor! HIIIIYAAAA!!!” You can picture the rest. I hate him for you.

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  10. Now see I don’t know the difference of a PC or a MAC but people are always asking me how to fix stuff. Like Kahuna will say “How come my print key isn’t working?” I’ll say “did you press that doohicky there on the right? NO? Then try pressing down the thing-a-ma-jig and the other thingy over there at the same time.”

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  11. Something tells me that he probably already knows that you don’t know the difference between a PC and a Mac (although kuddos for knowing that a difference between them exists). I only know enough about computers to get myself into trouble. Sigh. I don’t really think our computer guy likes me very much either.
    Oh, and thank you for reminding us about the ctrl alt down thing… with April Fools coming up I was wanting to do that to my boss’s computer and thought I was going to have to go back through and find it.

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  12. Some of those IT guys are just insufferable. I once got a bill where the issue was defined as “PIBCAK.” I questioned it. It meant “Problem Is Between Chair And Keyboard.” I responded in kind: “SIUYA.”

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  13. Our computer guys are useless. All they seem to do is install new software which involves them sitting at someone’s desk for an hour hitting ‘Next’ and then surfing the internet while they wait. I could so do that. And they don’t know how to use Macs at all (I work on a Mac) so maybe they don’t know the difference either!

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  14. I’ve always just nodded like a bobblehead at every IT person who has ever saved me from myself.
    People who need IT people are NOT the luckiest people in the world.

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  15. Of course computer guys are jerks. It’s because they are introverts and have no social skills and think they are superior to other people who nothing of computers.
    I ditto your mom. In fact, email THAT MAN and tell him what she said and then email him a list telling him what kind of underpanch you like.

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  16. That command worked on my computer! That was crazy. I wonder why computers would have that command programmed into them. What is the point?

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  17. June, I am fairly good with computers and have done technical support before…but I still break computers behind repair. IT guys hate me. 😀 I had one tell me I was a walking EMP. I have the same luck with cars, so mechanics hate me too. I feel your pain.

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  18. Can I ever relate to the “big hair”….a little mist in the air and I look like Chaka Khan in 5 seconds…my hair begins to envelope my head! I would love to know what stick straight hair is like..if only for a day!
    m ^..^

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  19. Just found this post and have tested the upside down screen and YAY! It works for me too! I am so going to terrorise the IT staff with this. (I should mention – not all IT staff are bad – I am one, just not a technical one, have actually no idea about computer stuff but I say sorry nicely, so that’s how I ended up in IT. I’m still mean enough to terrorise the underlings with this though!)

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