Mike’s Hard Hangover

We had fun at our St. Patrick's Day party. One of us, and I won't name names but his initials are Marvin, got drunk. On two Mike's Hard Lemonades. I knew we were in trouble when we walked in and Mike's Hard Lemonade was available. You know that's Marvin' girly drink of choice.

There was all sorts of liquor for grownups available too, that was Irish-themed. Bailey's, Jameson, and then also regular red wine, stuff like that. You know what people should always have available at parties? Bottles of water. Just those little aquapods. That is what I wanted, and I know you're all, Where's your lampshade, June? Whoo! Back that ass up.

But I always make sure to have water at MY parties, I say sanctimoniously, and they are always the biggest thing to go. People like to pace themselves, as well. So even if they are throwing back the Jamesons or the Mike's Hard Lemonade.

I knew Marvin was drunk when Iwas in the living room talking to a couple, and Marvin walked in in the middle of our conversation and said,

"YEAH! I HAD THE SAME THING HAPPEN TO ME ONE TIME WHEN…"

I was all wow, put down the megaphone. That's when I knew he'd had a second Mike's Hard Lemonade. Have I mentioned what an accomplished drinker Marvin is?

The other exciting news is that Marvin, in all his drunken glory, managed to find someone at the party who grew up next door to our house! The one we live in right now! Marvin went right home (the party was at a neighbor's) and got our old picture of this house

Hausand the guy totally knew who this kid was! And this kid is not a boy! This kid is a girl! He grew up with her! And guess what else? Our street was a dead end, and two houses down from us was all field, and they used to play baseball in the field all day. Doesn't that sound a lot better than the 89 houses that are there now?

So that was cool.

I have to get ready for work now. Marvin doesn't feel well after his two malt-liquor-based beverages. So I have to go hear about that too. I had 900 pieces of cabbage last night, so I hope there are no humiliating incidents at work. That's all I have to say about that. 

30 thoughts on “Mike’s Hard Hangover

  1. Mike’s is addictive – Hubby & I loved to drink the stuff after a hard day building our house. But oh does it give you the big, pounding head hang- over. Tell Marvin it’s not too late to dribnk lots of water…

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  2. Mike’s Hard Lemonade is made by the devil!!! Oh, how sick/drunk I have been from Mike’s. Laying by the toilet sick/drunk. Forget to take my contacts out sick/drunk. Sleeping in my clothes sick/drunk. You are correct about the pounding headache. But I always seem to forget all that when we are out and Mike’s is available. It tastes so good going down that it wipes out all the bad memories.

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  3. I’m trying to recall – is Marvin Jewish? My brother and I (we’re Jewish, by the way, so I’m allowed to indulge in some stereotyping here) had a prolonged argument over whether Jews were genetically prone to not being drinkers, or was it a cultural thing.
    The above ranks as the worst sentence I have ever written.
    Anyway, the classic nature v nurture argument it was, and neither of us would let go. I was on the side of nurture.
    Why am I telling you this? I don’t know. But Marvin sounds like a Jewish drinker.

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  4. Oh my goodness, St Patrick’s Day ended up surprisingly lethal for me too. I was all prissy “no, I don’t like drinking” but as I have no problem with alcohol had to huuuge Dublin mudslides: ice cream milkshakes for grownups. It wasn’t until I was on the floor that the host informed me there were four shots of Baileys in each one.

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  5. Kewpie-faced (possibly Jewish) Marvin drunk? Why didn’t you take pictures? Maybe you did, but you were kind enough not to post them?
    I do have trouble commenting sometimes just so you know. The post button seems to be temporarily out of service. I’d like to think a divine force is monitoring my comments knowing that I am leaving a ridiculous comment. Psst, I do get intimidated leaving a comment here.

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  6. Kewpie-faced (possibly Jewish) Marvin drunk? Why didn’t you take pictures? Maybe you did, but you were kind enough not to post them?
    I do have trouble commenting sometimes just so you know. The post button seems to be temporarily out of service. I’d like to think a divine force is monitoring my comments knowing that I am leaving a ridiculous comment. Psst, I do get intimidated leaving a comment here.

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  7. Kewpie-faced (possibly Jewish) Marvin drunk? Why didn’t you take pictures? Maybe you did, but you were kind enough not to post them?
    I do have trouble commenting sometimes just so you know. The post button seems to be temporarily out of service. I’d like to think a divine force is monitoring my comments knowing that I am leaving a ridiculous comment. Psst, I do get intimidated leaving a comment here.

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  8. Actually, I kinda hope there are humiliatnig incidents at work for you today. Why? Because one of the first posts of yours I read was the passing gas at work post about how you practically blew past your bosses office and I was literally WHEEZING with delight over that one. I had discovered your blog and was reading long into the night….after I read the passing of the wind I could not stop. I was hooked. Addicted. PLEASE LORD, let her pass gas at work today. Amen.

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  9. Since we now know that the boy in the old picture is really a girl, it is only fair that Marvin take a picture of you posing in the front yard. Please…I’m on the edge of my seat…

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  10. And why is it so much fun to dring? Someone please tell me!
    How fun to meet a former neighbor that was able to identify the person in the photo.
    Take some Gas-X for the benefit of the people.

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  11. I love hearing stories like how that guy told you about the house and the neighborhood. When I was a junior in high school, I was talking to my counselor person who realized he used to own my parent’s house. Then he told me that he was the one who planted the grapes in the yard, put the wood burning stove in, etc. It was pretty neat to hear about that, but also weird because it sounded like he lost the house in a divorce. Awkward.

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  12. Tell Marvin to practice Kahuna’s cure-all. Tell him to make sure and expell his malt liquor aromatic wind right next to his most obnoxious student. Oh you need to wear really squeeky shoes. You can blame it on the shoes.
    So is Talulah and Winston hungover too?

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  13. Ok…So St. Patricks ended up being a crazy one for us, unexpectedly. We were supposed to go to a neighbor’s house for drinks and dinner. Well, they cancelled. So, instead we met up with a few friends at the local watering hole.
    So, my husband leaves after a couple of hours to visit above friend who had made a 6 pound brisket. He had to have him some brisket. So my girlfriend asked me to stay for one more drink with her, and said “she really needed it” which is code for “I need to talk.”
    Well she proceeded to tell me that her husband is moving out April 1st. She has been married for just a little over a year. She’s completely devastated.
    Needless to say it was a whopper of an evening. Yikes.

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  14. In the spirit of sharing, (and talking about MYSELF) my husband and I were at a festival working. A very nice woman came up to our booth and proceded to purchase a ton of my artwork. She picked up a pack of cards and started to shriek, “TELL ME YOU DO NOT LIVE AT THIS ADDRESS! TELL ME!” I thought she had lost her mind, but it turned out that she had grown up in our house! We have become friends and have pictures in our home of her family like the one of her and her brother from the newspaper in the swimming pool in the dead of winter with a snowman on the diving board. AND we know a lot more about our ninety year old home. Fun.
    My grandmother used to say that if you hold your farts in, it could effect your brain. Classy lady that one.

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  15. I’ve seen the picture of your house several times now but have never noticed till now that there is a black triagle shape in the bedroom window. I wonder if it is a cat?

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  16. June,
    As you know, I am currently ill and at home on my death bed. (This after burying all those near and dear to me. Perhaps it’s a reaction to all those ding dang funereal gladioli. Bah.) Anyway, there is some, um, violence and suddenness to my current illness’s variations and the last text message I sent out from work before going home sick on Monday read: “I have to find a new job. I just coughed and accidentally farted.”
    The flu. It can be humbling.

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  17. I think it’s totally a syringe.
    Your Pal in MA… Alright, I need more info. I’m sorry your friend is devastated but… I really need to hear the rest of this story. I am wrong, I am horrible, I am nosy, I admit, but please share!

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  18. Jan, this guy has intimacy issues and June pointed out in our emails today. He’s not nice to her, calls her names, goes out drinking all night, ANNND is addicted to porn. Spent $300 on on-demand porn last month. Nice guy.
    We also know that he lies to her about where he is (he has a gambling problem) and how much he has gambled away.
    Now, she’s been with him for 9 years and it’s only gotten bad like this in the last 3 months.
    Many of us think he likely is cheating on her.
    Oh, and the best part? He TEXTED her to let her know he’d rented an apartment and would be moving out April 1st.
    Really charming.

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  19. Just yesterday i received “The Office” seasons 1 -4 in the mail from some off ebay. Still sealed and it only cost me $46 with free shipping. I love a bargin! I never wanted to watch it when i was still working because i got enough of the office five days a week. I came home each day to escape the office, not to watch it on tv. Are you getting feeling i didn’t like my job? It is funny how some of the characters sort of remind me of people i had to deal with everyday.
    The one thing i do miss about working was a bunch of us hitting the corner lounge after work and the parties we had at each others homes. We all had the best time after hours. A couple even consumated their love in my bathroom (eeew gross!) at one of my parties. They now are married and have two kids.
    It seems like every party i went to, be it the theatre crowd or people from work, i’d always end up in the kitchen. Why is that? Oh..i remember, there usually was an attractive female i was talking to.

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  20. Your Pal from MA… Wowza! Thanks for the update. Sounds like a real winner. I feel bad for your friend. Did she text him back with a list of everything she is keeping and exactly what 1/2 of his salary is currently? Is he too busy watching porn to even have a job? Did she tell him she is keeping everything, BUT he can have the porn collection?

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  21. Ashes to ashes
    Dust to dust
    If you don’t fart
    Your belly will bust.
    And that’s all I have to say about that.

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  22. I have hesitated about telling you this, but it goes along so well with your “gas” issues today. I was shopping with my sister one time and was really hurting from gas, so there was no one else in the store and I walked to the back since my sister and the owner were up front. I went as far back as I could and “let one go” and I mean “let it go” too. Ahhhhh, relief. Then I turned around to go back up front and realized I was standing in front of an open door to the shop’s office and the owner’s husband was sitting in there. Of course when I told my sister about it, she was almost lying on the floor laughing and I will never live it down. So I have not farted in seven years now and my belly is about to bust (according to Linda the Aussie). And see, I thought I was just gaining weight????

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