KY, Miracle Whip, yarn. I’m all over the place, really.

A few days ago I showed you a photo of the inside of my fridge, because Carpoolqueen asked to see a photo of the inside of my fridge, and apparently I will do anything you ask me to.

Speaking of which, I keep forgetting to tell you that I had a dream that all of you, en masse, sent me a onesie and asked me to wear it, photograph myself in it, and put it on my blog, and of course in the dream I happily did it. Do you think this is a part of my exhibitionism?

So, getting back to the point, which you know is so easy for me to do, when you got to see the inside of my fridge you got to see a container of mayonnaise–which some of you take issue with, as it was Miracle Whip, and some of you acted like I had the spawn of Satan in there or something–and I said whoever had the story of HOW the Miracle Whip appeared in my fridge got a lovely June prize.

And aren't you sorry now, those of you who got caught up in your snobbery over MAYONNAISE, because now you are NOT the winner of the Totie Fields pleated dress, as Melanie from KY is. Melanie's guess was that my dad and Marvin went out on Christmas day to get wine and came back with mayo, which was close. My stepfather and Marvin did.

Totie

If only you knew how much I pleaded and begged Marvin to pose in the Totie Fields dress for all of us today. Wouldn't it have been a lot funnier had the above photo been of him?

At any rate, congratulations, Melanie of KY. And we would be thrilled if, when you got it, you too posed in this lovely garb and emailed me the photo. I will put it right up on this sophisticated blog for everyone to enjoy. And I would like to point out how mature I am for not making any KY jokes thus far.

In other news, we have a new comment of the week, and this week the coveted award goes to Aubrey, who tells us about her dad, Wayne, and his lack of fountains.

And by the way, neither Marvin nor I even EAT mayonnaise, nor Miracle Whip. You'll notice, if you click the link above and look at my fridge, that that container is still unopened from Christmas. Which ADDS to the mystery of why Marvin and my stepfather got mayonnaise instead of wine.

I have many more things to tell you, like about Tallulah's personal training session yesterday, and details on my knitting lesson, but I must go practice first.

Knit

I am ONLY sticking with it because you guys told me there is a knitting gang sign. That is the best thing I have heard, ever.

Cast off.

22 thoughts on “KY, Miracle Whip, yarn. I’m all over the place, really.

  1. I don’t think there is much June can’t do!
    I actually knit and design felted purses. At first I thought knitting was only for old grandmas………….
    Oh wait………

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  2. June, I learned to knit (basic knitting skills) on youtube.com, which is weird, I know.
    But, also, you should try crochet, it is a lot easier for me, and most people I have talked to.

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  3. DiaryofWhy, i was wondering the same thing. Only i thought the tattoo looked like a wimpy Christmas tree.
    So tell us June, inquiring minds want to know just what is the tattoo of?
    Could it be a special marking that all of the beings from your plant have? Beam me up Junie!

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  4. June you give me hope to carry on… You light up my life…
    Oh sorry..If you can knit than dangit I’m going to try again. Let’s see I need
    1. A Helmet
    2. Goggles
    3. Wrist guards
    4. A condom…Oh wait wrong list

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  5. I’m rather disappointed with this post as I thought KY had something to do with a particular brand of intimate products. I was anxious (and a little bit frightened) of how it related to Miracle Whip.

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  6. Don;’t give up on knitting yet June. If it were easy they wouldn’t need classes in it, right? I think you’ll be good at it once you get the hang of it.

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  7. Oh my gosh, spare us with the photo of you in the onesie, PLEASE!
    If the mayo is still unopened, why not donate it to a food pantry in your comunity.

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  8. Hiya June. Knitting is to me as cleaning showers is to my DH. I can do it with lots of instruction, but it does NOT come naturally. Also, I live in KY and it is not particularly slippery here (except when we have ice storms).

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  9. Alrighty! For the first time in my life I am delighted to be a loser! That, er, dress? I would look like a drag queen for Jesus. Seriously. I’m six feet tall with (according to my college friend with whom I spent the weekend) gi-normous boobs (we were reviewing embarassing college photos). If I could find the appropriate hat (wide brim ridiculously large bow on the front and an azalea bush on top), you could call me, “Aunt Ida” and expect me to bring the egg salad nobody eats to the Sunday After Church Pot Luck in that thing. YIKES.
    Thanks for not choosing me, June! REALLY.

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  10. No! No! As a knitter, I protest that horribly boring-looking manual that you are being forced to learn from! I fear that you have fallen into the hands of a knitting Nazi – they do exist. Save yourself before it is too late!

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  11. Ok so you store a lot of weird things in your fridge, like unopened mayonaise/miracle whip that could be in your pantry.
    Right now I’m in the office and there are two different radios playing different stations in the same room and it’s driving me CRAZY. Just had to vent that out somewhere. Seriously, I want to bang my head on the desk.

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  12. Here’s a link for a great instruction video clip you can watch online to help with your knitting. When I was learning I watched it over and over with my needles in my hands following along. I could never, still can’t, follow written instructions-but seeing it so clearly was helpful as I learned. Keep at it-you’ll get it! Also, I found using 100% wool yarn was better-it’s more forgiving and stretchy and you don’t “strangle” your work as much when you’re first learning with it.
    http://www.knittinghelp.com/videos/knit-stitch

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  13. I bet if you took that thing of Miracle Gagginess to Tiny Town they could whip up something tasty with it. Something with potatoes and ham that they’ll offer to Marvin.

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  14. ky, miracle whip and yarn…sounds like a party to me!
    i have crocheted since i was 6 and made kick-ass ponchos for my barbies (okay, so you had to pop the head off to get the tiny neckhole to work!) but for the life of me, knitting is beyond my skill set!
    speaking of barbies, i used to use my mom’s kotex to make twin beds. it took years to understand why she was so pissed andrefused to allow my baries to sleep on their soft absorbent beds!
    jessicas, i don’t know what type of sick world you live in, but mayo/miracle whip, mustard and ketchup ALWAYS go in the refrigerator! what good is hot mayo going to do anyone?
    i have a new blog about my boring life, visit me if you get a chance. i am giving away an ipod! yes, i’m like barbie, i have to buy my friends separately!

    Like

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