And guess what? Spellcheck does not recognize the word “Ikea.” So that wasn’t annoying just now when I went to check my spelling.

We had a lot of action around here this evening. Faithful Reader Jessica (see below) came and got our microwave stand from Ikea, for one thing. She didn't break in, she actually asked me if I wanted to go to Ikea at some point in the near future because she needed a microwave stand. I said why go all the way to Ikea when I already HAVE a microwave stand from Ikea standing there doing nothing in my back room?

Jessicadog
(Hey, you come to my house, you gotta pretend to love the dog.)

Because as you may or may not know, my kitchen is so small there's not even any room to change your mind in there. Thank heavens I don't ever need to go in there to, you know, cook. But when we lived in Burbank, we had a huge kitchen that I did not cook in, but because it was built in 972 B.C., there was not enough room between the cupboards and the countertops for a microwave.

Honestly, how did women in the olden days microwave with that tiny counter space?

And when I lived in Burbank I was like .09 seconds from Ikea. This did not help, however, as it still took 900 hours to park at that Ikea. Oh, it was the busiest Ikea ever. I remember going there one time to buy that microwave stand, and I made the fatal mistake of thinking I'd remember the name of the item once I got to the room where you buy stuff.

Because if you've never been to Ikea, it's like this. They herd you through this place like cattle, through all these chic minimalist kitchens and living rooms and bedrooms until you start thinking you too are chic and minimalist-like, even though in real life you decorate like a gramma in 1947.

But if you LIKE something at Ikea you generally can't just pick it up right there and put it in your cart, oh no. You have to write down the item, which has a complicated Swedish name like Frëudihëuën.

In fact, when you walk into Ikea, they give you a tiny, minimalist piece of paper and a teensy chic pencil like you're going to play miniature golf so you can write down that you like the Sweedeeheedee desk and the Foooderhooder bed and the ABBA dresser, then you go to the stockroom where you buy said items in 47,000 pieces and put them together at home. Because you also become convinced that you will just know how to do this.

But what I did, see, was think, "Oh, how hard can it be? It's the Frëudihëugën microwave stand. When I get to the stockroom, surely I'll remember that." But when I got to the stockroom? And there were 49 microwave stands, all named Freuidenstein and Freidycaten and Frission? Oh, I got confused. So I had to go BACK upstairs and be herded like cattle AGAIN until I found the microwave stand of my choice.

And now it belongs to Faithful Reader Jessica. As does my treadmill, which I haven't gotten on since August.

And our back room looks so much less like a junk room now!

Backroom

When you used to look into this room, you saw the ding-dang folded-up treadmill. Now you see the Mooglesweedle desk from Ikea. Actually, I kid. This desk belonged to Marvin's mother. I think she had it when she was a kid. She got it at Ikea in 1962.

In other news, I got a new pair of shoes for the dog to eat.

Newshoes

See the chains? Break these chains! My friend Sleeping Beauty pointed out once that an inordinate number of '80s rock ballads mentioned the need to break these chains, a thing she said in passing in 1990, but which has haunted me every time I hear a hair-band song to this day. Anyway, I am pleased with my shoes, and if you have read my blog for awhile you may notice I own many silver metallic shoes.

In college, Marvin had a girlfriend before me, and she looked exactly like Molly Ringwald. When I started dating Marvin, she was jealous and was apparently not crazy about me. One day I went to the mall, and who did I run into? Was it Molly Ringwald II, over there? I will never forgot what we both had on.

She had on this white sort of jumpsuit thing, which I know makes it sound like she was walking through some sort of HAZMAT situation, but in 1986 when this took place, it was the height of chic. She also had on silver metallic shoes.

I had on–I am not making this up–brown plaid knee-length shorts  along with a yellow button-down shirt and brown loafers with no socks. Could I have looked more drab and plaid next to her white coolness? I am just figuring out as I write this that I must associate silver shoes with being cool due to that one encounter.

Oh! And the final piece of big news is that poor Tallulah has an injury. Well. The "poor Tallulah" part may be a matter of opinion. She got injured because she was pulling Winston through the back yard by his head, and Winston got fed up. Although I would like to point out that Winston usually ASKS to play with that dog by rubbing up against her and such, but Lula kind of doesn't know when to give it up. So she has a scratch under her dog eye. And she richly deserves it, if you ask me.

Hurtyeye

I guess you can't really tell it's a scratch, there. But it is. They seem to have already made up, however.

In summation, I hope you will give this matter serious consideration. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely, June

Sorry. I forgot what I was doing. In summation, I was trying to find you a photo of our back room with the treadmill and I didn't find it, but what I did find was a picture of Tallulah the first week I got her.

Sleepypup

Who was a muffin? Who was innocent and incapable of dragging the poor cat by the head? Awww.

28 thoughts on “And guess what? Spellcheck does not recognize the word “Ikea.” So that wasn’t annoying just now when I went to check my spelling.

  1. Wow that’s a really big picture of me. And I think I forgot to tell you that I DID go to Ikea on Sunday anyway. I bought a clock, some spoons, and some juice glasses. Yes I was herded like cattle for a couple of hours to buy some things I could have bought from the Target that is .09 seconds from my house, but whatever.
    So thank you thank you for the microwave stand and treadmill… and the best part is that they are already assembled!!! Thank you Marvin & June for that too!

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  2. Ok…you Ikea’d us to death…but what about Restoration Hardware which is where you got the fabulous, green outdoor furniture. I know because I also have phenominal taste…and the same furniture!! I LOVE it!!!

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  3. I. LOVE. IKEA! I want a new house to get cool stuff so it all matches! And the oatmeal crisp cookies they sell are to die for…..!
    Poor pup, but good for Winston!
    >^..^<

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  4. I so love the description of the mall meeting with Marvin’s ex!!!I do believe you have pegged the source of your silver shoe fetish.
    Someday you will be jealous of me because Barry Gibb will be my couple-miles-away neighbor if and when he ever rebuilds Johnny Cash’s former home that he bought before it unfortunately burned down. I thought MY house was on fire when I saw the smoke and flames, I was sure that I must have left my curling iron on as my husband always fears and nags me about. My heart was racing as I drove toward the source of the smoke and flames. I guess it was Barry who left HIS curling iron on.

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  5. Honest to Pete, June. I don’t even know what to comment about. So much tickled my funny bone in this one. So. Much.
    I guess what I am worried sick about is how to spell check on comments. I guess BlogHer doesn’t allow that. Perhaps so the “owner” of the blog can feel superior by not having any spelling errors and we the commentors have ot reread out comments and still manage not to catch one misspelling. Maddening, I tell you. Maddening!
    Speaking of BlogHer. That sounds a little dirty, huh?

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  6. Hi June,
    I just figured now would be as good a time (can I do that? does it have to be “good of a”?) as any to say hi, I’m a new reader. I ended up on Bye Bye Buy from searching those solid perfumes from Vermont Country Store and because I can’t stand to not know the whole story, I just went back through the last 2+ years this week. So if you were eyeing your magic tracker thing, I’m the one from Arizona, but I don’t live here. My future lurkings (and maybe postings) will come from Boston.
    Anyway, I like you and your made up Ikea names that might as well be the real ones. And your new hair metal shoes!

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  7. I swear you seem to be the only blogger capable of pulling me out of lurk mode. Why is that? Well anyway, I’m coming out of lurk mode today because of the shoes. I was watching a show the other day and I can’t remember what it was called because I have memory issues, but I DO remember it was with men talking about what was sexy. Apparently men find toe cleavage very sexy. So your shoes are not only cool but they are very sexy to some guys on a show I don’t remember because you are showing some lovely toe cleavage. Just thought you would want to know that.

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  8. In a house with three stories, Tallulah and Winston could really have their own space. Baby blue or neon pink. One could get past the annoying color. You could have a floor dedicated to knitting. Marvin could have a floor to play loud music on his vintage Rickenbacher (did you ever say what kind of guitar was in the picture??)

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  9. Living in Draginaw, i mean Saginaw, we do not have a Sonic or an Ikea. We have nothing! Starting in June (the month, not the gal) we will only have our local newspaper printed 3 days per week.

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  10. I spent many an hour hunched over that desk in high school and college. It was purchased in the middle 1950’s. I dont know where my parents bought it. I used it in high school and thoughout college. I cannot remember if Marvin had it in his bedroom growing up. Even thuogh I must have been emotionally attached to it to keep it all of those years, I am glad it was rescued from our laundry room in our present house. It looks cool in your house and I am glad it is being put to good use. I tried to clean it up here, but it looks like it went through more cleaning.Your readers should be aware that it is a very cool desk–the top rolls back and everything. Say “hi” to it for me.

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  11. Commentors on this post? HI-Larious! How o earth do you choose who is gonig to be commentor of the week? Laurie S., Katie the DJ, and Joy T.? Made me literally laugh out loud!

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  12. I miss miss miss IKEA. We used to live about half an hour from the Costa Mesa one. That one never seemed that crowded until you got to the checkout, and then… brother! My closest IKEA is six hours away in Phoenix now that I live in New Mexico, so I haven’t been in almost a year. Serious withdrawals. At least we have a Trader Joe’s close by, only four hours away in Albuquerque.
    I think I need to go cry now.

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  13. I love looking at the Ikea catalog, but going into an Ikea — my worst nightmare. Way too many people. We spent Hippie’s last birthday there buying her new bedroom furniture. I do believe it is from the foooderhooder line.

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  14. Oh dear. The other day I had to admit we didn’t have a Sonic and now I have to admit I’ve never been to an Ikea. My husband swears that “Ikea” means “divorce” in Swedish. (I think he is alluding to the necessity of assembling everything — things got dicey the time we had to assemble a freakin gas grill, although I was more in favor of murder than divorce.)
    Your Swedish is hilarious! Reminded me of the Swedish cook on The Muppets.
    And? Great shoes.

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  15. Hi Junie!
    Can you believe I’ve never been to a Sonic OR an Ikea? Never, ever, not once! And we have both not too far away! I hate me mall shopping and I do not like fast food. I know, I’m a rebel! I do all I can to avoid anything mall-like. I like to support the little local shops, and if I can’t get it there, then online shopping is how I roll!
    I did enjoy the Swedish names quite a lot! I agree with Paula from New York, Dammit – would love to hear you say those in th Swedish Chef’s voice! hee hee hee!
    Love the LULA pics. So what’s so wrong about carrying around a cat by his head????

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  16. First of all you didn’t get the Dinkadorffadoosin end tables that go with the Foooderhooder bed did you? I did and when I put them together, the drawers were upside down. I think I read the Japanese instructions wrong.
    That babydoggiesweetiemuffin got a booboo? Did you put some oinkment on it and give her booboo a kiss?

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  17. Together with me my baby break the chains of love….
    Together we’ll break these chains of love…
    Don’t give up..don’t give up (UP!)
    Together with me my baby break the chains of love

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  18. We tried to go to Ikea in Phoenix one time, but upon realizing we’d have to park 1/2 mile away and walk to the store along with the other 250,000 people who were obviously shopping that day… we went for ice cream instead.
    I love the shoes. But now I’ll hear “break these chains” inside my head for the rest of my life.

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  19. Puppy Tallulah is too cute. We had a cat that used to let our dog carry her by her head too! I think she liked it, she never fought it.

    Like

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