Contrary to popular opinion, I did not get an Easter kitty yesterday. I did go to the animal shelter and have a look-see, but I saw a cat who looked exactly like Ruby and then I got sad and went home. I guess it is too soon.

But if you are considering adopting a cat, let me tell you the shelters are full, FULL, of adult cats and also kittens due to the economy. If you do not know how to select a cat, email me and I will tell you my tricks for picking a not-nuts cat from a shelter. I got Winston when he was a grownup cat, and he is really a stupendous creature. You could not ask for a better cat, seriously.

Okay. I have many things to cover for you.

First of all, it is Saturday and therefore Comment of the Week time, and I do not have to tell you that poor KW is our commenter. I was bored at work earlier this week and I asked everyone to write in their embarrassing tales and KW's will give you douche chills. So harrowing was KW's tale, in fact, that I have contacted her, gotten her address, and bought her a special consolation prize, below.

It's not every week that the commenter of the week gets a 12-pack of toilet tissue, but it's not every week the commenter of the week soils herself, either.

I know you will click over to Special of the Week, there, on the right to read the whole thing, but in essence, poor KW pooped herself when she was first dating her now-husband. And that is why I am awarding KW the tower of toilet tissue, the same tower of tissue type I purchased for myself the night I kept thinking "big poop fest" at Target and giving myself the giggles.

In other news, several of you wondered what the heck monkey grass was and why I keep cutting it, so here it is:


Oh, isn't it scroungy and dreadful? I literally have about 50 of these in my front yard. Today I went to Home Depot and and got giant wackers, which sounds kind of dirty. As I type this, my arms are shaking. I am not even halfway through.

Despite horrid monkey grass, the South in springtime is a sight to behold. My next-door neighbor has somehow merged a pink tree and a white tree and they are blooming right now:


Isn't it lovely? Isn't it won-der-ful? Isn't it precious? Okay, I will stop being Stevie Wonder, if you even noticed I was being Stevie Wonder.

Also too, the lady across the street has all these bushes that are flowering, as well. I saw her today, the lady across the street, filling her trunk with Easter lilies. I figured she either really, really hates lilies and is trying to smother them, or she was going to some sort of church-related thing. And seeing as she was an elderly woman and this is the South on Easter weekend, my money is on the church-related activity.


So pretty! So colorful! So full of pollen that renders me cough-y!

You know I have to make best friends with this lady. I had no idea I even had an elderly neighbor. You know how I get about old people. Maybe I will write her a little note telling her how much I love her yard, and how much I too enjoy smothering lilies in my trunk.

I was also going to do Ask June today, because I didn't do it yesterday, but SERIOUSLY my arms are shaking like crazy. I will do a special Easter Ask June tomorrow. I'd better not hear a peep put of you about it! Get it? A peep? Easter? Oh, the hilarity.

22 thoughts on “Did she or didn’t she? Only her animal shelter knows for sure.

  1. Erin D. says:

    My mom and sister bought me a stuffed dinosaur that looks EXACTLY like Stevie Wonder. In prehistoric form.


  2. Jessica S. says:

    Okay I’m not reading all of these comments, but I REALLY want to know why in the world you aren’t just going over the monkey grass with the lawn mower? My dad has probably as much or more than you, and that’s what he always does.
    Please please please tell me.


  3. KW in Atlanta says:

    I forgot to add that one of my sisters had a similiar experience years ago when she too was first dating her boyfriend, now husband. She was water skiing and fell, hitting the water really hard. You guessed it, enima time, baby! Atleast she was in the water, and no one noticed. Maybe we have loose sphincters, or maybe we are just full of crap!! Either way, you will NEVER catch me water skiing, or at a water park, EVER!!


  4. KW in Atlanta says:

    Happy Easter and Passover June!
    I didn’t get a chance to read yesterday, so imagine my surprise when I read your post gifting me the humongous TP. When you said you were going to send me a gift I just knew it would be a box of Whoppers, or a bag
    of black jelly beans, Get it?! Oh what a dreadful experience that was. I knew your readers would be hard pressed to top that!


  5. Linda .. the Aussie one!! says:

    If you want an ecologically safe spray for weeds and I’m guessing monkey grass try this:
    2 litres vinegar (cheap crap works fine)
    1 to 2 cups of salt
    a few drops of washing up detergent
    dissolve the salt and spray on your weeds. It smells like salt and vinegar chips and kills the weeds without any harm to the animals or you


  6. Laurie says:

    It is probably too soon for a new cat. There is a cat from up the street who looks just like Ruby. It comes and stretches out on my front porch in the sunshine, reminding ME of Ruby and making me sad. Yes, I am menopausal, why do you ask?


  7. Zelzee says:

    I am battling “creeping charlie” in my yard. I googled to see how to get rid of it, and the answer was………..move.


  8. June says:

    You finally got comments to work for you! Yay!
    Also, those bears have bugged me, in particular the commercial where the mom bear watches her kid bear on the pot, then actually monitors the amount of toilet tissue said kid bear is using. Okay, you’re inappropriately involved, Mama Bear!
    Not to mention the other one where we see the leftover tissue on the football player bear’s buttockal region.


  9. Some silly goof bought the stories of a travelling monkey grass salesman in the seventis and planted MILES AND MILES of the crap in our yard. We’ve lived here for twelve years and run it over with the lawnmower every spring. It is invincible Lazarus-like even. It will come back. Save your arms!
    And poop! No Easter kitty. I was planning to live vicariously.
    Kudos to KW. I am SERIOUSLY glad I did not win the embarrassment challege. Whew. And what a man to marry you after that!


  10. Jerry Buchanan says:

    Did you ever notice that the characters for Charmin TP is a family of bears? What could bears possibly do in their wooded habitat that would necessitate toilet paper?


  11. Rachel says:

    I gotta submit an Ask June question. Did you see anything heartwarming and uplifting at the shelter? Please tell me yes. I can’t even hear the word shelter without tearing up.
    One of our cats is getting older and for the last few months I’ve been sporadically lecturing my husband about what makes a good cat. He’s going to have to go pick out our next one by himself. I would fall down in a crying mess if I had to go to the shelter.


  12. Kathy F. says:

    We didn’t choose our cat at the shelter – he chose us. My daughter and I were there with her friend to look at the kitten her friend was going to adopt (we had no intention of getting a cat – or any pet). I had my back to a cage and suddenly felt two paws settle on my shoulder…I turned to see a lovely orange tabby with his face pressed against the bars just staring at me. Long story short – two days later we adopted him (he was about a year old when we got him.) Yes, he looks like Morris the cat, and yes, his name is Morris. Six years later – he is still a fun, lovable and loving cat. He’s the best!


  13. Carpoolqueen says:

    Monkey grass is my nemesis. We planted a bunch and they swore to us it was the “non-creeping” kind and turns out it crept all the way into the yard.


  14. Mother says:

    Now is the time to be grateful for Spring and rebirth and all that reminds us of resurrection.


  15. Jenn says:

    I would love to hear your tips for choosing a non-nuts cat at the shelter. My daughter is begging for a pet and I would consider a cat but would want an already mature one, not a crazy, scratchy kitten.


  16. Mary Ellen from Napa says:

    Hey June! What you need tomorrow is to try out a new church that is as cute and adorable as the one in Tiny Town!
    That way you can meet all these wonderful old folks who will give you plants and teach you the finer things about (insert name of religion here) and gardening!


  17. Joanna says:

    My parents have monkey grass in their yard and my father weed wacked it into oblivion. It will grow back, I’m sure.
    Also, the typos are flowing like water around here today.


  18. Fran says:

    We would mow over our monkey grass with the push mower. We would raise the level above what we cut the grass to the highest point. Then mow right over it. I highly recommend it!


  19. Tee says:

    That is a pink and white dogwood three that have obviously been grafted. It is beautiful. Spring in the south is beautiful, but oh the pollen. All the trees are blooming and everything around here is yellow. I’m glad we have been getting some rain every few days, it helps wash it away.
    If you got sad looking a kitties, you are probably right, it’s just too soon. Give yourself some time. If I didn’t have Oscar Snuggles I would adopt one or two cats from the pound. Oscar is just too old to upset at this point in his life. Guess who rules this household?


  20. Gladys says:

    That should read….with her weed wacker. I saw the typos as I hit publish. I screamed NOOOOOO!!!!! But it was too late.


  21. Gladys says:

    Wow! THat is a Tower of Poop paper!
    Sorry you didn’t come home with another puppy, um I mean kitty.
    Gorgeous nothing is really blooming here yet. Still too much snow but I will be in Southern California next month where the weather will be…not snow.
    I’m telling you my mother used to whack the monkey….grass with her week whacker. The monkey sure enjoyed it.


  22. Jan says:

    Try vinegar on the Monkey Grass. Vinegar will kill every thing and any thing it comes in contact with. So… be careful if you have grass around that area that you don’t want dead. If it were me, I would cut down the Monkey Grass and then pour the vinegar right down on it. Maybe even dig a little hole into the root system and pour the vinegar in there. Household vinegar works but nurseries sell a stronger vinegar, if you need it. It may take a few times to kill all the roots but it should work.


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