I'm back. I'm better than ever. I went to Michigan. Saw things that irked me.
No. Really. They're UNIFORMS. How can they be unique? The point of a UNIFORM is to LOOK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Because it's a UNIFORM.
But otherwise it was a fine time. I saw the fam…
Okay, seriously? I know how y'all are. If I just put this photo up, you'll all write in and say, "Who are the people in this picture?" I know you will. So okay. In the back, from the left, is my stepfather Harry, the one who always warns my mother it's April Fool's Day and who also makes me listen to Prairie Home Companion when it's on, which is about as cruel of a thing as you can do to me. Wouldn't it be dreadful if I gave you this much background on each person in the picture? Wouldn't you just want to find me and kick my arse all the way to Tibet?
All right. To Harry's right is Marvin's uncle, who always does our taxes. In the front row from the left is squinty Marvin, then his aunt whose name is identical to mine so if you know my real name and Google me you'll find a ton of stuff about her, then my mother is holding the flowers, and finally the bat-mitzvah girl is on the right. And I hope she won't get mad at whoever called her the old-bat mitzvah girl in the comments, cause that was freaking hilarious.
Also in attendance for this shindig were my nieces, who came in from Chicago. They belong to Marvin's sister, Faithful Reader Sis-in-Law.
This one is incredibly athletic and is not afraid of the soccer ball. I know this because I asked her, "Aren't you afraid when the soccer ball comes hurling at your head?" and she said no, but right there you can see what a good mother I'd be, not planting my own fears into my kid or anything.
This particular niece is a professional muffin. Look how cute. And muffin-y. She must have driven the car from Chicago, seeing as she has the key, there.
And I do not know why I only have half a shot of my oldest niece with her dad. I was in the hospital the night she was born, although she had the nerve to arrive at like 5 a.m. or something so to tell you the truth I was totally in REM when it happened and Marvin had to wake me up. Anyway, she is brilliant, my niece. They are all really good kids.
The bat mitzvah was lovely, and I had to participate by opening the ark, and if you don't know what that is, neither did I. I figured it out when I got there, though, and managed to not screw it up, so that was a plus.
Oh! But listen to this! I bought a new jacket for this event, and when I put it on I realized they'd NEGLECTED TO REMOVE THE SHOPLIFTING TAG from the dang thing.
Believe it or not, Marvin got the thing off. That's because he's a professional shoplifter.
Afterward, I did go with my stepfather to my hometown and see my Uncle Jim. He was worn out from his treatments, but I'm glad I got to see him. All his coworkers (he's a cop) made a big poster of themselves for him, and they're all holding coffee cups, because my uncle loves him the coffee. He has it hanging up in his room. It seems like the whole town is rallying for him–everyone is willing to help out. It's a little like Ferris Bueller's Day Off, really, so popular is Uncle Jim.
My stepfather and I shot back to town just in time to get to the big evening party (but not before catching the first half-hour of the Prairie Home Companion that I like so much! Wooo!).
Here's Marvin's mom, all decked out for the party. She has good clothes. I don't know why I photographed everyone at the steps. I promise you Marvin's family does not live in a studio apartment or anything.
So, we got there and there were a couple people there who read my blog. One woman pulled Marvin aside while I was standing there and said, "I keep telling your wife she needs to write a book. I love her blog."
"I have told her the same thing," Marvin said.
"I mean, your wife has a voice, you know?" she said.
"Yes. I know that all too well," Marvin said, "I hear it often."
Whatever with Marvin. And I don't know how to write a book. I don't know why people think I could write a book just because I write a blog telling you the stupid details of my life.
Anyway, I am glad to be home. Tallulah is still at the day care, because they are closed now, so it's just us and the cats. The cats are splitting a bottle of champagne and having a ticker-tape parade, they are so pleased. I think they think we dumped Lula off in a field or something.
Oh! I forgot to throw in this picture of me from this weekend that Marvin's uncle took. I had a migraine. Big surprise.
I can always tell I have a migraine in pictures, but maybe that's because I knew I had one when the picture was being taken, you know what I mean? I hate stupid migraines. And yes, I take Topamax to have fewer, and I do. But I still get three or four a month, and that day was one of them. Fun!
So that was my weekend. I hope yours was fun. I know I have to do Ask June and Comment of the Week. I am always behind on those things now, aren't I? Whatever with me.