Ask June, and her sort of trampy shirt

SluttyDo you think this shirt is a little snug? Am I going to the Harper Valley PTA, or what? This is what I wore to the dance recital the other night. Since then I have been wearing a robe, as I have number 862 in a series of colds caught from Marvin's fabulous job. Fifth-graders. Bringing you germs from around the world.

And no, it isn't swine flu. Thanks.

It is time for Ask June, everyone's favorite Q & A time with your tawdry know-it-all pal, June. Let's all put on our thinking caps and tight sweaters and get right to it, shall we?

Kristy queries, "June–I have a question that has bothered me for a while. My last name is Kish (rhymes with fish and dish). Last year, I wanted to write Christmas Wishes from the Kishes on our Christmas cards, but I realized I don't know how to pluralize Kish. Is it Kishes? Kishs? Kish's? Or is it just Kish (similar to fish)?"

June wonders if you married into the name Kristy Kish, which is kind of a cute all-K-all-the-time kind of a name, or if it has always been your name. June knows someone whose name sounds very much like Kiss the Cook, and that friend sometimes reads this blog and she will be kissing the blogger if she reads this subtle shout-out.

At any rate. Kristy Kish, when you pluralize a family name that ends in sh, you add the es on the end, so your instinct was correct. If anyone wants to give Ask June heartburn, they will add an apostrophe into their last name. Merry Christmas from the Smith's! Well, you've just ensured that June, here, will not have one. Thanks.

NO APOSTROPHES IN YOUR LAST NAME. YOUR LAST NAME DOES NOT OWN ANYTHING. I MEAN, MAYBE IT DOES. MAYBE YOU ARE THE ROCKEFELLERS. IF YOU ARE, GO ON MY WISH LIST AND GET ME THOSE EARRINGS. BUT LEAVE THE APOSTROPHE OUT OF YOUR LAST NAME.

Thank you.

Kerrin wonders, "When you were a freelance proofreader, what kind of material did you proof? Do you mostly do textbooks and such or have you ever proofread a book that was a bestseller?"

Oh, Marvin is laughing at the "book that was a bestseller" part. Well, he would be laughing if he ever still read this blog. People come and go, talking of Michelangelo, here. Including Marvin.

I worked for the entertainment industry (which I feel like I can't talk about so much), the legal field (ditto) (well, okay, I proofread depositions, and I got to read a lot of celebrity cases, and THAT I cannot talk about), textbooks (zzzzz), and yes, people's fledgling novels.

Oh. People's fledgling novels. I am sorry to tell you about the hours of entertainment Marvin and I got out of these things. And you know what's great about a lot of people writing novels? A lot of them are rich rich rich. I read one guy's novel, a guy who thought the phrase was "another clog in the machine" and during a lunch he ended up giving me, piecemeal, three or four hundred dollars. He was a gay guy, so he wasn't hitting on me. He just kept saying, "You are so helpful. Here, let me pay you more." Who was I to say no? I mean, this was on top of the fee I was charging him.

I also got a lovely set of Tiffany champagne glasses from a woman whose novel I proofread, and hers wasn't bad, actually.

My favorite part of proofreading books was the medical writers. I got everything checked out for free as thanks for my services. I got my hair analyzed for mineral content, free chiropractic, psychic readings, all from people I proofread. It was delightful. I like how I just put psychics in with "medical."

But do you have any idea how hard it is to get your book published? So, no. There wasn't one person whose book I proofed who had a bestseller. Very few got published.

Anyway, my experience with these writers is part of why I scoff when I get the whole "I like your blog, you should write a book" line. Everyone thinks they have a book in them. They don't.

Playpals

That wraps it up for Ask June and her first-person/third-person, trampy-shirted self today. She has thrown in the daily photo of Henry lest she hear it from everyone. Now she has to blow her nose. Again.

25 thoughts on “Ask June, and her sort of trampy shirt

  1. Henry and Tallulah are so cute together. Thanks for making me a mother. I couldn’t have done better. You do not look trampy in that shirt. Everyone dresses like that now. You look very thin and nice.

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  2. I love the way Lula is looking at Henry. Oh what a shame Lula wasn’t named Eliza then we could call Henry ‘Enery. Oh wouldn’t it be loverley. Loverley. Loverley.

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  3. June, you’ve made my day by answering a question I’ve always felt too dumb to ask. I married into the name Walsh, and I never knew if it was The Walshs, or The Walshes. Honestly, I never thought of an apostrophe! Really, I didn’t! But I always got around it by just signing Christmas cards “From the Walsh Family.” Now I know. Yay!

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  4. June, if you get so hyperventilating-apoplectic-freaked about people using apostrophes to pluralize their last names, how do you get through the day with all of the inappropriate use of the double quotes to add emphasis in signs–as in:
    “Homeless” will “work” for “food” (sign held up by guy on street corner)
    “Yard” “Sale” (nailed illegaly to power pole)
    Where will you spend “Eternity”? Church sign
    Whenever I see these I think that the sign writer is making air quotes with her hands, and really, whatever is inside the quotes should be replaced by it’s facetious opposite.
    When you start you army to battle the forces of Malicious Misuse of Grammar, please sign me up. Oops, I meant “up”.

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  5. AS I walk by one of those little stands at a fair or an amusement park where they’ll burn your name into a piece of wood while you wait, and all of the sample signs are hanging there with “Welcome to the Smith’s” with an extra-fancy apostrophe burned in, I just want to pull one down and break it over my knee.

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  6. But isn’t it ok w/ the wood burn things because they are welcoming you to the Smith’s home? Assuming they own their home. That is possessory right?

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  7. NO! If it said “Welcome to the Smith’s HOME,” then I would okay it. But just because “home” MIGHT BE coming up after does not make it okay in my book. Of course, you might be like Mr. Potter and say, I don’t care about your book.
    This is also why I hate “first annual.” I do not care that you are PLANNING to have the event next year. The fact is, it is not annual YET because this is the first time you are having it. So you may not call it annual. I will not attend a first annual anything on principle.
    It is hard to be me.

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  8. I like that Lula is smiling. I know all of your pets are lucky to have you as a pet mom (Mom?). Now about that shirt….

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  9. I have a migraine. Maybe that is why none of the above made any sense to me today. I went back and started to re-read it a few times. But oh, my head hurts. Can’t concetrate. I am still able to say that I heart Henry.
    I will come back later… maybe by then the five ibuprofen I just took, downed with a grande Starbucks will have helped this head of mine.

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  10. I have an Ask June question but first I have to ask the question, “Where do I post the Ask June question?”

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  11. What are you crazy? That shirt is FAR from trampy! Come on out of the 1800’s honey.
    But loved the Harper Valley PTA comment…mainly because of my bff’s father dated the girl who wrote it…and she was madly in love with him, but he said nope and moved on to my bff’s mother. She was devastatedly heartbroken. True story.

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  12. You know how we all comment on the minutia of your photos? Well, I am just bumfuzzled as to why I am the first to ask about your gorgeous necklace. It is really nice. Is there an interesting story about it?
    And if you weren’t wearing that nicely cut ever-so-slightly body skimming top, we wouldn’t even notice the necklace!
    Either the necklace draws your eyes to the perky breasticles or the other way round. Regardless, I bet Marvin is twitterpated when you this ensemble!! 🙂

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  13. How lame am I? I saw that you answered my question and I got goose bumps! I married into the Kish family and I agree that Kristy Kish does have that sort of movie star sound to it, especially when said quickly and in a whisper.
    Love the shirt and necklace! Thanks!

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  14. I got a postcard this week from the city water division, asking each resident to “take Friday’s off from watering”. OBVIOUSLY they didn’t hire a proofreader, so I scheduled my sprinkler system to run from 8am to 5pm on Friday’s.

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  15. Dear June, I hate to quibble with you, but you said that the cheesy wooden sign should say “Welcome to the Smith’s HOME.” Really though, that only works if only one Smith lives there, or owns it. I’m voting for “Welcome to the Smiths’ Home.”
    Okay, honestly, that’s not even true. In that case I’d really rather just use “Smith” as an adjective and say “Welcome to the Smith Home.”
    Which is best?

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  16. Yeah, you’re right, if it was gonna say all that, it’d be “Smiths.'” But you know those signs usually just say “The Smiths” anyway, without all that “Welcome to” part.
    I like that last option. Welcome to the Smith Home. And you know what I like better? Abolishing those plaques altogether.

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  17. Ugh, my mom just got married, her new last name ends in an S, and my stupid uncle got her and her new husband one of those wooden signs…with the apostrophe. I am beyond irked EVERY TIME I see it. I told her, but she wants to be nice. And also probably thinks I’m crazy. So thanks, everyone else, for validating my anal quirks.
    Oh, and happy furry mother’s day, June!

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  18. OMG – so the other day, after I read this, I was driving north on Western (I live in LA), and all the cars were stopped at a crosswalk so a woman could cross the road. But, can I just tell you? Please don’t feel trampy in that shirt. This woman, musta been a double QQ or something. I swear that her boobs were already across the street before her feet even left the curb! And she was wearing a TIGHT t-shirt. Her back must hurt.
    You, Ms. June, are not trampy.

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