Ask June, Part 972

Winhen

Smack

Tappy

Gloweyes

Our neighbor, Peg, bought this little toy for Henry, and could he be more obsessed with it? It's nice, though, because I have been afraid to buy him little mice or balls, lest they end up in Tallulah's gullet.

Since I was busy depressing myself with poor Farrah's special last night, let's bop over to Ask June, shall we?

Meme says, "Please explain global warming…

"Could everyone be wrong, and we are really heading into an ice age?

"What will Gore do then?

"Speaking of Gore, can you please, please, please explain these green credits I keep seeing on the back of my Sun Chips bag?

"Can we start a Green Credits company?

"If everything is covered in ice soon, shouldn't we really be starting some white credits? Blue credits? Help me, my head is spinning off it's (did you see that – it's) axis!!!!"

Meme has a lot to ask about global warming. All I can tell you, Meme, is I am haunted by that scene where the polar bear swims for its ice in An Inconvenient Truth. Also? I do not eat Sun Chips.

Elizabeth Joy queries, "I had always thought the correct way to write 'all right' was as two words, but my editor always changes it to one, 'alright.' This is for fiction, if it makes any difference, usually in dialog. Who is correct?"

Technically, the word "alright" is all wrong. Who loves herself right now for coming up with that little sentence? Is it June, here? Anyway, in real life, like if you were writing a cover letter or a letter to the editor or a ransom note, you really should go with "all right." "Alright" is kind of slang, so I can see why it'd be used in fiction.

Here's how to tell if something is acceptable or not. Look a word up in a real dictionary, such as my best friend Merriam Webster (m-w.com). (And not a fake dictionary such as dictionary.com.) If you look up a word like "alright," you'll know it's unacceptable because the definition will be "all right," or whatever the acceptable form if the word is. The dictionary will always steer you to the correct spelling of the word.

Isn't the dictionary wonderful? Have I ever told you I read the dictionary when I was 10? Have I ever told you there is something deeply wrong with me? Did that need to be said?

I must go now, as I am once again going to the farmer's market with the other June. Perhaps you wonder why we feel the need to attend the farmer's market every single weekend, and I guess it's time to tell you we are shopping for farmers. Because we are hoes. Get it? Oh, the hilarity over here at Ask June.

Before I go, I am going to tell you that Comment of the Week goes to Roxie's Mom, who make something funny out of my sloppy writing yesterday. Roxie's Mom has got it going on.

9 thoughts on “Ask June, Part 972

  1. Love that you and the other June are shopping for farmers…that was a coffee-coming-out-of-my-nose moment!
    Also, our kitty Miss Scarlett has been missing for a week and other cat Putter is so lonely…seeing your pictures of Henry make me wonder if I should get him another kitten…

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  2. Henry is so cute. I love his glowing eyes.
    Just make sure to pick out an orgasmic farmer they are much better. Oh wait that was supposed to be organic. Potato/pototoe which ever. 🙂

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  3. My hubby and I went down to the river last night to relive the olden days of our youth.Can you believe 4 kittens ran out of and abandoned air conditioner?! Why why why would someone dump those adorable kittens? Looks like our family is growing.

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  4. I heart Henry.
    Shopping for orgasmic farmers, you ARE a bunch of hoes. Tell me, do they come pest free?
    Again, I heart Henry.

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  5. Roxy must be Stacy’s sister. There is a lady in our area who looks exactly like Stiffler’s mom. My friends and I see her everywhere! At the gym, Hey look, there’s Stiffler’s mom! At family bingo night at the club, hey look, there’s Stiffler’s mom! At the little league fields, hey look, there’s Stiffler’s mom! And then we all giggle like we’re drunk teenagers watching a drunk teenager movie. At least we entertain ourselves!

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  6. omgoodness. the farmer/hoe thing is truly hilarious. i had a horrible, no-good day and THAT brought a smile to my face! thanks! 😀

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  7. I have a question for Ask June. Commas. Can it be that everyone is using them incorrectly and I am the only one who is using them correctly? I feel like I see comma errors EVERYWHERE — published works, magazines, blogs, you name it. I taught commas in 3rd grade. I know my commas. Or so I thought. I suppose I need to give some examples, but I am far too lazy for that.

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