Muffin muffin muffin muffin

Marvin won't answer me. I hear him in the bedroom, getting ready, but he is REFUSING to acknowledge that he hears me in here. I need to know if the camera is charged up so I can give you obligatory Henry picture.

"Muffin?" I am shouting, over the coffee maker and Brad and Britt, the morning guys we listen to on the radio. "Muffin, muffin, muffin, muffin, muffin, muffin, muffin, MUFFIN, MUFFIN, MUFFIN?!" I am yelling, and yet mysteriously, he is not answering.

Do you like Facebook? Are you even on Facebook? I am, and no, I am not on there as June Gardens, and I just inadvertently answered a waiting Ask June question. I am on there as my actual name.

At any rate, the other day I put on there one of those annoying quizzes: How Well Do You Know Me, because more stuff has to be about me, and aside from the fact that two of my ex-boyfriends got 80% right and Marvin only got 60%, almost no one got my "What animal would I be?" answer right.

They all guessed house cat. Just because I LOVE house cats doesn't mean I want to BE a house cat. Is it housecat or house cat? I have no time to look. It's 7:18 and I am in my robe. 

 Anyway, this all lead me to ask you my deep psychological question that I used to ask people when we were all drinking at bars. It is fascinating, so shut up and join me. Answer me today and I will tell you the deep meaning tomorrow. If you already know the deep meaning, do not tell. 

What animal would you want to be, and why? What is your second choice, and why?

All parts of the above are important. The "and why" is important and both choices are important.

My choices are black leopard because they are sexy and mysterious. My second choice is pink flamingo because they are quirky and interesting.

Okay, I must get dressed lest my workplace think I have become Franciscan.

46 Comments

  1. But why not answer the question, since I’m here…
    Ever since I watched the Planet Earth thing from the Discovery Channel, I have wanted to be a blue whale. They hang out, swim in shallow warm water off the coast of Mexico, never have to write research papers…that sounds pretty nice to me. The second choice is a lot harder. I think I’d like to be a pig – a pet pig like Wilbur, not a pig-farm pig. Or even better, a cartoon pig. Can I do that?

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  2. I am so (two years late, not answering the question) giggling about the idea of you with a tonsure.
    And yes to fbook (which is what all the cool kids in my neck of the woods call it). But definitely no to twitter.

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  3. My first choice would be a butterfly. They are beautiful and delicate, and people used to tell me that I was beautiful and delicate (they really did).
    My second choice, believe it or not, would be a heron. A great blue heron. I see them on the beach occasionally, when the tide is out, and they look so regal and stately. I’m sure those words mean the same thing, but anyway, I love to watch them. Also, I would finally be tall.

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  4. I would be a cat so I could lay around all day and get petted and then hiss when I didn’t feel like being bothered. Sounds like the perfect life for me!
    Yes to Facebook. Waste of time, imo.

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  5. I would be a snake because that is what I fear most. Second I would be a wombat just because I like saying wombat.
    no muffins for me, I’m on a diet. Does Marvin even know you? Maybe you ought to introduce yourself to him.

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  6. This has nothing to do with animals. I’m commenting on like, 12 posts ago but I just have to say that I didn’t watch the Real Housewives wrap-up until tonight. Ramona is ridiculous and yes, it is too late. You are sucked into the Real Housewives vortex. There is no escape.

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  7. Hey! I think we need our own private by invitation only byebyepie facebook group. Waddaya think Miss June? We could obsess over each other even further!!!! And maybe play guess who? What? Too much?

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  8. I think Miss Rae Parkin wins Comment of the Week (and a pie!) for that sweet message.

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  9. Hi Miss June,My first choice would be to be Henry, surrounded by the love of his family. My second choice would be to be Tallulah who is finding out what a mother’s love means. Love those two together. Not to mention Francis and Winston. I think it is house cat(s).

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  10. I’d be a housecat, most definitely. Sleep all day, roll around in the garden, get scratched behind the ears, oh yes.
    Flamingos do a really cool mating dance, I saw it on TV.

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  11. can they be imaginary animals? If they have to be real my first choice would be a horse, because I always wanted to be one when I was little and now that I think about it I still think it would be awesome.
    second choice would be a song bird of some kind. just because It would be fun to fly.
    If we don’t have to pick real animals I’d like to be a flying horse who can also choose to be invisible whenever I wanted to so I could fly right over people’s houses and nobody would freak out because they saw a flying horse.

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  12. As always, a fun question.
    I would like to be a falcon, because I have always wanted to be able to fly and they fly fast, high and can change direction quickly.
    Second choice would be a horse, because they are useful, admired, get to eat hay and clover, and they get pedicures on a regular basis.
    Lynn – Yes I am on FB

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  13. Ohhhh. Forgot to say that yes, I FB (because that is how all the cool kids say it and I am nothing if not groovy).
    And the second thing is that you should forgo the Franciscan. A tonsure is a hard look to pull off for somebody with your hair type.

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  14. My first choice would to be MY cat, because as my Mom says, “your cat(s) are treated better than most people’s children”. My second choice would be a horse, a race horse, because they are strong and majestic and can run fast.

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  15. Yes to the Facebook thing…but then you already know that.
    1. Cheetah
    2. Any marsupial…
    …’cause they’re FAST!

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  16. First choice would be a Dolphin becuase they are sweet and they seem to help people who “swim with the dolphins”. Special needs people have a bond with dolphins and I think that rocks.
    Second choice would be a whale. People are intemidated by you and you can eat everything that annoys you or simply gets in your way.

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  17. Yes on Facecrack, but don’t go on often enough as my old-ass computer can’t handle it.
    1st – A horse: majestic, powerful, fast & beautiful! To run like the wind would be fantastic.
    2nd – Probably “my” housecat: beautiful, sleek, adored, and someone who can bring joy just by being me.
    Can’t wait to hear how screwed up I am….!

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  18. First choice – One of Siegfried & Roy’s white tigers because they are majestic and pampered.
    Second choice – A prarie dog because they are always surrounded by tons of other prarie dogs and seem to be having a good time popping in and out of their holes.

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  19. I would be an owl because in Indian culture they are thought to be wise and act pretty cool with the whole neck thing they have going on.Secondly a bobcat because they are wild yet curious.

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  20. I would be the Cooper’s Hawk that nests in the enormous cottonwood tree at the end of my dirt and gravel road, because (1) I could look down on everyone and (b) I wouldn’t have to put in my contact lenses to do so. Second choice would be a Great White Shark, because (ii) I wouldn’t have to return all these telephone messages piling up on my desk (who calls so early?)because everyone would be afraid to complain and (f) it means I would finally have learned to swim.

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  21. I just joined FB and am now obsessed with all those quizzes and “my top 5” things…like I really have time for that! Now another quiz I must take!

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  22. I’m with Karen, above – however, I’d be a dolphin first and the otter second.
    Dolphins are smart, fast, cute, have tons of fun and are free to roam the ocean together. How great is that?
    Otters – also social, fun, smart and adorable!
    Just like meeeeeeeeeeeee!! ha ha!!
    Yes, I’m on facebook, but I hardly ever check it. I think it’s sorta dumb and I really don’t get the lure of it.

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  23. Yes to Facebook.
    1st Choice would be a pampered house cat because I could take as many naps as I wanted and also pose for pictures.
    2nd Choice a rhino because they always look like they are having so much fun in the river mud, plus no one messes with them.

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  24. My first choice actually is a pampered housecat (or house cat)because they are almost always content . My second choice is a dolphin because they are social creatures, beautiful, graceful and they get to live in the ocean.
    I was going be a smart aleck and say a rabbit because they’re always um, you know, hopping but that seemed too easy. Ha! Easy! I kill me…

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  25. I would be a mama gorilla having little gorilla babies at age 8 with my handsome silverback guy named Goliath. Did you know a gorilla’s favorite thing to do is eat? I am so wanting to be a knuckle-walking primate!

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  26. Bossy pants, Ms. June. Alrighty then. All the good freaking answers are taken.
    I’ll be a cheetah. And a horse, but not one who has to give rides to rotten little children who pull on my mane. Nor who have to run in races such as the Preakness or the Derby. I’d just like to be a nice, dark chestnut horse on a nice farm. Just because that’s the color of hair I’d like to have in real life. I kind of picture myself as the female equivalent of the horse played by Robert Redford in the remake of Charlotte’s Web.

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  27. I would like to be an otter. They are my favorite, always playing, very social, life is a party! My next choice would be a dolphin. Again, they are very social and smart! Funny thing is that I don’t like water….hmmm…

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  28. for those that want to be a monkey… i saw a giant monkey eating it’s friends poop at the zoo last summer, just a thought. me? i don’t really want to be an animal, i’d be owned by some freak that gets animal control called on them for leaving me outside with no food when it’s 30 below zero.
    ~misschell

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  29. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a pink flamingo in the wild. They are PINK not like in the zoo. Must be processed zoo food. They are truly beautiful.
    Ditto on the black panther. Although I’ve only seen them in zoos, they are still gorgeous.
    The muffin thing would never fly in my house. Our number 1 rule is if you want to talk to me, you have to come and find me. Unless you are on fire, then scream, otherwise….

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  30. First choice: an owl… they are nocturnal (I often feel that way), mysterious, quick, and cut-throat (to mice).
    Second choice: a bear. This choice was driven by my maternal side. Grizzly bear cubs are the freakin cutest and blundering around in the woods for berries and good napping spots sounds about right.
    & yes to facebook

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  31. Oh that was a good one, June! A Franciscan. Whew! So many levels to that pun. First, because I’m a Catholic, any reference to monks will get a chuckle out of me. Second, because you are in your robe, one might think you are a Franciscan. Third, because people assume you would wish you were a cat, you would be a Franciscan b/c your cat’s name is Francis. Whew!
    My answer to your deep and psychologically revealing quiz: an elephant b/c they are big, they can eat whatever they want and having a bigger waistline is a GOOD thing, plus, too, they are awesome. Second, I would be a house cat and make funny poses all day so that my humans could take pictures of me to send to icanhascheezburger. Oh wouldn’t that be the life? I’d be the funniest lolcat.
    Finally, we are having a cookout at work today. I just thought I’d tell you b/c it seems like you had one fairly recently. It was probably more like last summer, but that’s close enough I guess.

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  32. Hmmmmm. I would be a lap dog first because I could finally be petite and charming and everyone would love my company. The baby talking to me would suck, but I could pee on a rug or something. Second choice? A Maine Coon Cat. Being called “fluffy” would ACTUALLY be a compliment. I could be bitchy all the time, take swipes at passing guests and everybody would still love me.
    Do I have love/hate issues Dr. Gardens?

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  33. Bronwyn, you did not do your second choice! I mean, you did a first choice a few weeks ago and your first choice since seeing that movie. What is your first choice today?

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  34. I would be a panther because they are sleek and dangerous. My second choice would be a hummingbird because they are beautiful and they get to spend the winter in Mexico.

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  35. I don’t usually do these quiz things, but this one sounds interesting!
    My first choice would be a dog. (Funny since I don’t have a dog, and I am more of a cat person than a dog person.) I picked a dog because they are so loving and loyal.They always look so happy. I would want to be a dog that has a regular family, but that also goes to nursing homes and/or children’s hospitals to cheer up the sick or lonely patients.
    My second choice is a monkey! They are cute, and funny. I would like to be a monkey at one of those open-air, fenceless zoos so that I could make the visitors laugh. (I would NOT want to be a domesticated monkey wearing a
    t-shirt and diaper!) When I was little I always wanted a monkey for a pet.
    So, go ahead Dr. Gardens, analyze me!

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  36. Do you call Marvin Muffin? Interesting. I would have taken him for more of a Honey.
    Up until two weeks ago, I would have said gazelle, fast, sleek, elegant. However… I went to the Disney Earth Movie, and life is too hard for a gazelle, all those cheetahs after you all the time. So maybe I want to be a cheetah… still fast, and what a fabulous coat!

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  37. My first choice is seagull because it would be fun to fly and because I like the beach. My second choice is monkey because it would be fun to swing around on trees.

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  38. I would be a lion because I want to be at the top of the food chain.
    My second (slightly related) choice is a cat because I want to sleep all day and have people brush my hair for me.

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  39. Why does Marvin hate us? No Henry!
    I would be a Lynx. Because I think they are cute. They are solitary (and I like to be alone) and they are great hunters. My second choice would be a swan because they are beautiful, graceful and serene. Three things I am not.

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  40. First, I would be a baby moose because I feel like that is my clothing size at the moment and I lumber around with about as much grace as one.
    Second, I would be like a bird, because I’ll only fly away, I don’t know where my soul is, I don’t know where my home is.

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