Hey, June, what’s shakin’? (Or, I’d rather be blogging)

I saw a really good bumper sticker on a car today. It read, "I'd rather be driving." Then below that was the name of some zen center near here.

Okay, I love this bumper sticker. I have always been sort of annoyed by those "I'd rather be…" bumper stickers. Instead of moaning to all of us about how you'd rather be shopping at Nordstrom or poking baby chickens or whatever, how about just being happy where you are, right now? 

So gettin' me an "I'd Rather Be Driving" bumper sticker.

Which leads me to a brief discussion about this Funniest Blogger contest. I am now officially in third place, and you know what? It's fine.

I never wanted to be the funniest blogger in the ding-dang world. I don't want to disparage other funny bloggers, or kill myself to be more amusing than they are. I love my blog, and all my blog friends. I will be happy if I win that thing, and happy if I don't. Do you have any idea how nice it was to tell you all I was nominated and then get into second place overnight?

I don't need some super-secret-squirrel, sitting-behind-a-table-like-that-committee-in-the-last-scene-of-Flashdance group to tell me I'm funny. You all tell me I'm funny, and you are all I need. What a feelin'.

And speaking of the invisible friends I have made in blogging, my close personal friend Jan, who I have never met or even talked to, is in cahoots with me to fix one of her family members up with one of my family members. If this works, it'll be the weirdest thing this blog has produced.

So, I was perusing the Ask June Qs, and came across these Jan questions I have not yet addressed. Let's answer those today. Have a little All Jan, All the Time kind of an Ask June, shall we?


 You know I like to throw in a picture on Ask June day, and this old shot was on the desktop. Seriously, I crack myself the hell up sometimes. 

Jan asks, "Why do celebrities name their children such odd names?"

Because celebrities are annoying, Jan. And hey, did you see John and Kate plus Bicarbonate or whoever are getting a divorce? You mean Kate is available?

Jan also asks, "How did Marvin propose to you?"

Haven't I already told this story? Poor Culpepper, the person who's read me since 1850. She is so over this story. But if you're new, here we go.

Marvin and I dated in college for three terrible months, then we broke up after a certain beer bottle got thrown at a certain someone's head. Because maybe someone didn't PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION and needed a little jarring. And maybe that plan backfired, and the person getting the beer thrown at him was instead completely repulsed and didn't think getting glass thrown at his noggin was sexy and compelling like someone thought it might be.

So, after that dramatic breakup–and ALL my breakups were dramatic, I am sure you're shocked to hear–Marvin and I somehow remained pals. He moved to Los Angeles, I moved to Seattle. Ten years after the beer toss, I invited him to visit me in Seattle and seven months later the following happened.

I had moved to Los Angeles and one day Marvin gave me my perfect day, based on the information I gave him after he'd once asked me, "What would your perfect day be?"

I tell you what. It's been 13 years since that proposal day and if I were ON FIRE Marvin wouldn't even ask me, "Why are you on fire?" We are so over each other. I cannot fathom that he ever asked me that question, but there you go.

So, he served me breakfast in bed, and he had made hash browns with onions in it. Then we went to the beach. Then we drank outside. Then we got on a ferris wheel at Santa Monica pier and that is where he did the deed. And I have always thought, what if I'd said no? How awkward would the rest of that ferris wheel ride have been?

RingHe gave me a beautiful ring from the 1940s, as I had told him I wanted an old ring. I have since been told the ring may even be from earlier than that, but whatever. He did well with the ring.

Then we ate barbecue, as that was also part of my perfect day. It really was kind of a good day.

Finally, Jan wonders, "My sister and I just had terse words regarding how to pronounce 'Horkheimer' as in Mr. Horkheimer.  I say it is 'Hork-Heimer.'  She insists that it is 'Horkheimer.' If that makes any sense, kind of like 'Hork-her-mer.'  Kind of.  Please tell us who is right."

Mr. Horkheimer is my dead cat. He was the love of my life.

Franhork 001

Here he is with a much younger and thinner Francis. Horkie was the love of Francis' life, too.


Here's Horkie now. I want you to know I just took his ashes and posed them next to Francis because I thought that'd be a HILARIOUS photo, and the stupid camera battery died. Just like my cat.

Anyway, it's Hork-HYE-mer, if that makes sense. Long "I" sound in the middle.

And that wraps up another pressing week of Ask June. And you know how I do that annoying link and I say ask your Ask June questions here? I think what I'll do from now on is remind you it's Ask June on Thursday and you can ask them right there. I wish I knew how to do buttons. I mean, the button to vote for me was already made, and that took 850 hours to get up here.

I'd rather be signing off till tomorrow.

30 thoughts on “Hey, June, what’s shakin’? (Or, I’d rather be blogging)

  1. And what is it with the men? We used to have long conversations and now it mostly consists of “what time is the softball game tomorrow?”; “Take that garbage out please.” I cracked up over you being on fire and him not asking why.


  2. I was right. Horkheimer, long i. I’m always right, just ask my sister. 😉
    I am so honored to have an blog entry about me. I’ve been beside myself all ding dang day.


  3. One more thing…I think I want an “I’d rather be reading June” bumper sticker.
    And one more thing too…did you notice hwo they spelled “indiciate” on the blogluxe awards? Who wants an award from a website that can’t spell?


  4. I just hate to go on vacation right now, knowing mine could be the deciding vote and I CAN’T MAKE THAT VOTE. So here’s one last vote for you, from me, and you’re right, it doesn’t really matter who wins because you truly are the funniest blog out there. The hardest part of being gone will be missing my daily June guffaw.


  5. I saw the best bumper sticker not too long ago here in L.A.:
    I make the rules. I have the vagina.
    And a guy was driving the car…!


  6. Since you say that all you really need is for us to tell you you’re funny, I will tell you that I just spent five minutes L-ing my A off at the mental image of Marvin studiously ignoring you while you run around in flames. It so reminds me of my own 16-year marriage. (But I’ve been voting anyway.)


  7. Oh P-shawww! There’s like 2 weeks left in this contest. Now is not the time to give up! Now is the time to channel Patton or MacArthur or Bear Bryant. Give it the big push! Do we all really want Barefoot to win? So give us all your best rallying cry and send us on our way to vote and vote again!
    (Did I use enough of those !!!??) 😉
    p.s. I love your kitties! Someday I will show you photos of my handsome cats, too.


  8. Leah,
    It was in Arizona, somewhere kind of near the Grand Canyon. Every picture we took from that day was really good. Good light there, or something.


  9. Where was that picture taken? Husb and I went on a road trip in December from Wa to AZ. I feel like we drove right past that place…I remember those mosaic walls and dinosaurs.


  10. I cannot see how you can be third. I went to a couple that were close to you in votes because I thought, “How any anyone be funnier than June?” and they were NOT THAT FUNNY. Most of them were sorta vulgar (lots and lots of four letter words). You are IT, girl, you are IT, whether the votes reflect that or not. I started reading about half way thru the first year of Pie and it was so funny I went back and read every previous issue all the way through BUY. Love it, Love it, Love it.


  11. If I can figure out how to do a button, you can, too. Just google it! At least people would grab your button. The pathetic thing about mine is that not one person has it on their blog, which I compeltely understand but you’d think my ding dang relatives at least would humor me.


  12. Hi Junie,
    I LOVE that photo of Horkie and Francis. I didn’t know that Francis was so attached to Mr. Horkheimer! So adorable. Now we know why Francis is so grumpy…
    I must say, Mr. Horkheimer was the most beautiful cat on the planet.
    And, also, as you know, Lady was the love of my life. She died just a week away from her 14th birthday after battling cancer. My baby. I miss her so.


  13. I have heard the engagement story before but I still love it. 1850. You crack me up.
    Random information…I was listining to my Carole King Tapestry album the other day and I went to put it back in it’s case. Do you know that you look like Carole King? Is this one of those “I wish I had a dime for everytime I heard that” moments?


  14. I kind of did the same thing, Fay. Horkie was almost 13 when he died. We had to put him to sleep because he got really ill all of a sudden.


  15. How old was Mr. Horkheimer when he died? I just lost my 15-year-old Einstein on Mothers Day. I’d had him since he was a baby. Love of my life. Suck.
    So now I’m morbidly fascinated with learning how long OTHER people’s cats lived.


  16. well, i do want to win, so can you encourage your voters to give me some love ’cause i’ve only got 25 votes- most from my mister who knows what’s good for him. i never won: not homecoming queen not loves baby soft… i’m not shy, i’ll BEG!


  17. Do not put a bumper sticker on your car. It’s a slippery slope. First it’s one clever sticker. Next thing you know, every a*hole on the road who loves Jesus is honking at you. You’ve been warned.


  18. I’m thinking that a couple of those other blogs got more votes because they are by women who have young children and are read by other women with young children, who are voting for them because of the children, not the funny. Also, they are all sleep-deprived and suffering from poor judgement.
    You are my funniest blogger. And that’s all that should matter.


  19. Mr. Horkheimer was named after someone? I thought he was named that because of a proclivity to vomiting : “horking”. I feel terrible now!


  20. Keira,
    He was named after Jack Horkheimer, star gazer, and you are I think the second person to ever guess that!


  21. i love black and white kitties. was mr. horheimer named after jack horkheimer, star gazer or max horkheimer the philospoher? or just some other random horkheimer?


  22. Good grief. “It was an honor just to be nominated”?!!!!
    Now you tell us. After we stood on line, day after ding-dang day, exercising our precious little one-email-address-one-vote-per-ding-dang-day constitutional blogospheric rights.
    My life called. Wants its precious ding-dang time back. It would rather have been meditating.


  23. All the voting thing proves is that people cheat. You can’t trust voting procedures. Just ask Iran. Oh, wait. This is an Ask June post. Asking June would safer and much more fun than asking Iran….unless June happens to be holding a beer bottle.


  24. Wow, Spencer and Heidi so stole your engagment. He proposed to her on a ferris wheel too. I suspect they are actually filming your life and playing it out on T.V. Forget the book, go for the reality T.V. show, June.


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