Do you ever get annoyed because you can't phone someone because they're dead? My current dilemma would be solved in a moment if I could just phone my grandmother. But not only would I have to go back to 2005 when she was still alive, I'd really have to go back to before she had dementia, which means I'd have to go back to about 1999, and I had a particularly stupid haircut in 1999, so I'd have to weigh that one out.
My poor grandmother would have hated having dementia, had she known she had it. Being smart and independent were here biggest accomplishments. I know this sounds dreadful, but I'm glad she died quickly after she had to go to a nursing home. She would have hated, HA.TED. being in that state.
When she died, we went through her stuff and found this:
Can you read that? It reads, "Info for when I die (and about time!)" I will forgive her the punctuation inside the paren, because this is so, so her. She had no desire to go on forever. Clearly. And as you can see I liked this so much I had it framed. Grammy slayed me. She was not a doily grandmother.
I like how I have gotten off on this tangent when I meant to write one line about her and stampede to my dilemma, which is that I have gardening issues and do not know what I'm doing and Grammy would have known what to do in a millisecond.
We have a large tree in our backyard, and I love that tree.
I make a point of looking up into that tree at least once a day, along with my current other goal, which is to try to look at fireflies each day while they are here. (Look at Marvin, all doing yard work like a homeowner. Kills me.)
But the problem is, no grass will grow under this large tree.
It looks dreadful. I tried planting grass last year and it did not work. Do you enjoy Tallulah's disgusting plush toys on the deck? They are being washed as we speak. Which we aren't. And trying to gather up her toys while she was in the backyard was a joy. She didn't think we were playing or anything. She didn't leap 50 feet in the air after each toy as I swooped it up.
Yes, Marvin IS cutting the grass today.
So, what do I do about the bare spots? It seems weird to put ground cover there randomly. Do we just make the deck bigger, build around the tree? Isn't that expensive? Help. Help, help. I am totally Polly Purebread right now.
Be my Underdog.
Oh. And I tried to take an obligatory Henry picture and I could not find him.
Not with Fran. And whoever called this a sheet last time, it is not a sheet. It's a…thing from Urban Outfitters. I put it on this chair because Fran is getting really crippled up and gets litter on his chair, because he brings some back with him each time. Hey, I'm just glad he still uses the box. Anyway, this NOT SHEET is washable, as opposed to the chair.
Henry wasn't in his usual hiding places, nor on the beds. So I called him and heard a muffled mew. There is nothing scarier than hearing a muffled mew when you have a kitten.
He was in the closet! When I let him out, he shook it off, then returned to attack the door. Stupid door.
Then he jumped on my lap to hear about what a poor kitty he was, and I tried to take his photo but he kept chewing the camera string. So I held him up and took his picture, and he was not pleased.
Remember the first day I got him and I did the up photo thing? That was April 23. It is June 20. Look how big he's gotten in less than two months!
He's also gotten a little attitude, hasn't he?
I will go now, because this was the longest post ever and your family has put your photo on milk cartons, but don't forget to tell me what to do with that bare part of my lawn. And remember I live in the South, so South-related foliage, please. Thank you.
Oh, but wait! (Your husbands have taken on a new wife. Your kids have forgotten what you look like.) The coveted comment of the week–affectionately known as Special of the Week because I'm irritating–goes to two people this time, because last week I was basking in the UV rays and did not award anyone. So Bronwyn receives accolades for two weeks ago, and Kira, The Mommy gets kudos for this week.
Did anyone see The Real Housewives of NYC where Ramona mispronounces "kudos"? Oh, how I dislike Ramona.