Do you wish I’d stop saying things like, “Help a sister out” given that I’m a middle-aged, chubby white woman?

Geez, it's been a depressing 24 hours, hasn't it? Farrah was bad enough, and now Michael Jackson? And you know I was psychic about it? Several of my family members who are faithful readers can verify this. I said, "Ed McMahon and Farrah. You know how these things come in threes. Maybe the next one will be some shocking death we weren't expecting."

Okay, so I wasn't exactly Nostradamus, but still.

Some of you asked how Marvin was doing, and for those of you who don't know, Marvin worked for Michael Jackson for two years. He wrote a guest post about it at least a year ago but I am too lazy to find it to link to it. At any rate, I asked him for a quote.

Marvin said, "He's out of my life. He's out of my life. I'm sad about it, what do you want? Say, say, say, I heard Michael Jackson died."

Wouldn't it be nice if Marvin could express genuine emotion, ever? Anyway, I know he feels really bad about it, for reals, and that he never had one bad thing to say about Michael Jackson. He never ever believed Michael Jackson was a child molester. Ever.

Now I will show you Marvin's big claim to fame–an actual unretouched genuine and apparently I have decided commas are outdated…NOTE FROM MICHAEL JACKSON. Prepare yourself. Gird your loins.

MJ

Yes, he wrote "ink pin." What do you want from the guy? He had way more money than you do.

My father called Michael Jackson Marvin's "pin pal." Everyone's a comedian.

So, it's sad. And Farrah is sad, too. But there is a light at the end of this bleak tunnel…

I pooped! Like, ninety-six times! I do not know why it has to be feast or famine over here at bung of June.

I must get ready for work now, but I will leave you with proof that my cats are annoying.

Rip

I particularly like how the bag the cats worked together to rip apart, like Joe and I were ripped apart, is juxtaposed against the address book that Tallulah ate. All this photo needed were the hundreds of invoices from various vets and you have a complete "Don't ever get pets" tableau.

I was delighted to grab the food bag today and have tiny pieces fall all over the floor.

Helpful

Fortunately, Henry was willing to help a sister out.

I'll be back tonight with Ask June. If you have any Ask Junes for me, ask them here. Would someone PLEASE tell me how to make a button? And finally, I am thousands, lo THOUSANDS of points behind the first-place person in the Funniest Blogger contest, so if you are so inclined, go catch me up! Thank you.

P.S. What say you? No, no. I am back because I forgot that the other day I linked to fun blog Annieology and the link did not work. So let's link to Annieology for reals this time. Why must I say "for reals"?

31 thoughts on “Do you wish I’d stop saying things like, “Help a sister out” given that I’m a middle-aged, chubby white woman?

  1. WHYYYYY didn’t I think of that, Furry? What a lovely, Grace-Kelly-would-approve idea!
    BTW, the BlogLuxe people have discovered cheaters in this contest and took away all votes from IPs that voted more than once a day. So I am now in second place. Thank you all (and thanks for cheating, which apparently some of you did, because I have a thousand fewer votes! I appreciate your trying to buck the system! Woo-hoo! I am glad I have many genuine votes, too!).

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  2. Maybe the animals were starving because mumma was too busy dropping kids off at the pool all day.
    Now I am trying to calculate how many crossword puzzles one could finish whilst roosted in the lavatory.

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  3. There’s something seriously wrong with that contest. The one you were neck and neck with for the past few weeks now only has 696 votes or something like that – and that other one suddenly has thousands. Something’s not right there.

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  4. So if they were smart enough to take away the cheaters!! (yay) Why don’t they just pull the plug on those poor losers who only have 1, 2 or even NO votes?? I mean really…
    Glad the Brown family finally went swimming…I’m still mystified that we are talking about this on a blog but I feel your pain. I find that watermelon works wonders for me. (just sayin)

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  5. Too bad we can’t cheat anymore because I was going to create a new email account just so that I could give you an extra vote for making a Say Anything reference. (I know that movie titles should be underlined but I don’t know how to do that in the comments. I’m sorry.)
    Congratulations for having readers who are not as good at cheating as the readers of other less funny blogs.

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  6. THIS is why I come here! The lows (MJ & Farrah), and the highs (yeah, POOP!!!) It’s such a roller coaster ride with you.

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  7. Wow. I just read Marvin’s post about MJ and now this jaded NYer thinks maybe MJ was just a misunderstood genius. Hmmm. Interesting.
    I have a question though. Do you think they call MJ “King of Pop” at home? As in, “Hey, King of Pop. Pass the corn.”

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  8. I don’t know MJ personally like Marvin, but I never thought he was a child molester. I did, however, believe him to be very weird which I believe was directly related to his bizarre childhood. Sorry to see him go.

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  9. June, I understand your enthusiasm about the poop, but I’m not sure FEAST is the word I would have chosen to describe the occasion.

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  10. Why wasn’t Marvin on the Today Show, The Early Show, and Good Morning America this morning? He could have shared a very kind personal view of MJ. WHY WASN’T HE CALLED??? He could have said, “He’s gone. He took a ‘pin’. I gave him my heart, he took a ‘pin’.”
    Joe lies, when he cries, he lies…
    I love Say Anything. And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE John Cusack. I would marry him if he’d have me. I love him. I have been at many a Chicago Cubs game when he has been there and at other times when he sang the 7th inning stretch. Every time I go to the city I look for him. Seriously. I love him. I would probably pee and faint if I met him.

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  11. “chubby white woman” who are you trying to kid? You are thin as a rail! Disgusting, I’ll tell you, disgusting!
    King Henry is certainly a little helper. Why do cats like to eat cat food that is scattered? My cat loves it when I pour and scatter his dry food.
    I must vote now.

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  12. First of all as you know out here on the left coast it’s ALL MICHAEL ALL THE TIME. I’m up to here with it all. Yeah it’s sad but really and truely it’s not like he cured cancer.
    Second of all better a little bag than a 55 pound bag of kibble and two 100 pound dogs ripping it apart like a rag doll.
    Thirdly, (is that a word?) Did you eat prunes? See they work well that is if you ate them.
    Fourthly, ASK JUNE: Dear June please tell us about Marvin’s “other” life. You know the one before June.

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  13. So no one is asking Ask June questions here, but I am going to anyway. I’ve been meaning to ask you for about two hundred evers, what do you have against dictionary.com? I have noticed your decided preference for m-w.com, and I just wondered if there was something specific behind it. What did dictionary.com do? Pee in your cornflakes? Take the cheese danish you’d been eying in the break room all morning? What?

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  14. I just voted. I still have no idea how Cake Wrecks is in first; it’s cute but there are very few words and I think it’s a little mean to make fun of these cakes that someone probably really liked. But that’s just me.
    I think it’s sad that Farrah’s obit was on page 20 of our paper and MJ got the first page and 5 others. I think I’m a little too old to have really appreciated him. I wasn’t listening to pop music when he was at his peak. But I’m glad people have the internet now to share their feelings about him – I remember being in deep shock and mourning when John Lennon was shot and having to search all around the office to find anyone who said anything but “John Lennon? Didn’t he used to play in a rock and roll band or something?”.

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  15. I forgot to say re: the celebrity deaths in threes – I thought Patrick Swayze would be the third. (Did I punctuate that correctly or was there no way to correctly punctuate that ungrammatical sentence?)

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  16. I love it that Marvin has a note from Michael Jackson. I love it that it is not perfect.
    My silly cats, one in particular, will always tear open their cat food bags. And you know what? My cats *adore* that Salmon and Tuna flavor that your cats apparently like too!
    Bad things like deaths always occur in threes. I was counting Ed McMahon as 1, then Farrah as 2 and was blindsided by MJ being 3 just a few seconds after Farrah. That just came right out of nowhere, didn’t it?
    I am going to go vote right now and see what the stats are.

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  17. I can’t believe CW is beating you! I won’t even click on the link to see why.. I am being a very faithful reader. 🙂 June June June June! Goooooooooooo June!

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  18. Ask June Question:
    I find myself going to vote for you everyday before reading the blog. Kind of the price to pay for reading. That’s not my question. (Actually it wasn’t a question so why did I feel a need to write “that was not my question”? Hey now THAT was a question! But not my Ask June Question.)
    Do you vote for yourself in the poll?

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  19. OHMYFREAKINHECK I’m dying over the part where it’s feast or famine with the poop. Now I have to go have my bi-weekly poop. For “reals”. You kill me. Oh wait. No, don’t kill me. Marvin would have no emotion. Please, don’t kill me.

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