Marvin and I have been outside all morning, tidying up our yard like the middle-aged homeowners that we are. A thing I sort of refuse to accept. I was pulling weeds yet also thinking, "How can I be out here robustly yanking ivy at 10 a.m.? Shouldn't I be exhausted from my night of doing blow with Courtney Love and the Rolling Stones?"
See? Even my fantasy drug friends are old and tired. I couldn't even come up with anyone under 45 to do drugs with IN MY MIND. Depressing.
So, if I'm not gonna be the Edie Sedgwick of my time, I am at least gonna have a tidy yard. Which stems from my German heritage and also from growing up in Michigan, which is kind of a redundant thing to say. Everyone in Michigan is German. And I do not want to hear dissent from the two Scotch-Irish people there.
People in Michigan have the tidiest yards of anyone in America. I am not making that up. I do not know why it is. Perhaps it is because they only have actual yards for three months out of the year; the rest of the time their yards are covered in snow. So they celebrate it while they've got it. Like my drug supply with my good friend Court.
In other news, I went to the museum yesterday with my friend Lucy from TinyTown.
We all wish we were one-eighth as cool as Lucy is. I'll bet she partayys with every famous rapper you can think of–which for me is not many, because did I menti0n I have become middle-aged?–yet she'd be too gracious to brag about it.
We had a stellar time. The museum had lots of, you know, ART, but then it also had an exhibit of dresses from all the fancy designers–Dior, Valentino, Gucci. Lucy and I had a long discussion about how it was a shame that Versace's sister was such a butterface (everything looks good on her but her face), and other deep artistic topics.
There was another museum we wanted to go to, but my GPS wouldn't recognize the address, which was annoying. So (are you sitting down?) Lucy got out a MAP and LOOKED AT IT, then told me where to drive. And we got right there. I do not understand people with this skill.
After, we had a good lunch involving sandwiches consisting of turkey, brie, and green apples. We discussed how our sandwiches at home were boring. Then Lucy told me how to make green beans with fatback and it took me a long time to realize she meant real green beans that you, you know, snap. In my mind, all beans come out of a can.
I eat them with Keith Richards all the time when we have the munchies.