In which I blog about all the things you told me to blog about yesterday, and change my name to Fuquay Varina

So, I asked you guys what I should blog about, and you told me, so here you go. I will divide up your requests with little asterisks. Don't you hate it when people pronounce it "astericks"?

First of all, holy cats! I am SO not delving into why Marvin and I hated each other in year seven. Geez Louise.

I know I tell you everything, but I don't tell you EVERYTHING everything. Besides, it wouldn't just be my thing, but Marvin's super-secret secrets, too. Like, it'd be totally rude of me to tell you how he DROVE AWAY and LEFT me in downtown LA during the LA marathon, with no money, phone, purse, or coat during year seven. It'd be terrible of me to mention that.

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So let me see. What else did you want me to blog about when I asked earlier? Oh, yeah. Annieology wanted me to say she was awesome and Mary wanted me to say she has good cards.

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Garp wanted me to talk about Garp. Garp is Marvin's aunt's dog. He is a beagle. He is berserk, but he's cute. When Marvin's aunt had a party earlier this year, Marvin and I went to the room where poor Garp was cloistered and we learned that he certainly knows what you mean when you say "peanut butter." Naturally this drove Marvin to say "peanut butter!?" 470 times, and that dog was whipping his fool head side to side like that woman used to do at the end of Hee-Haw when she said, "That's all!"

Have you noticed I am entirely too well-versed in Hee-Haw?

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I am enjoying my little stars. My "astericks."

Someone else wanted me to blog about Tallulah. I love her. She got a bath this weekend. She was not pleased. Let's put in a picture of Tallulah.

Bday 

This was last year, on my birthday. (Before Topamax. Wow.) It was at my mother's place in northern Michigan. Also in this picture, in case you noticed that Tallulah was not alone, are me and my bra strap, my friend Gertrude, her dog Buster who appears to have no facial features, and her child Emma. The one who can hula-hoop. And by the way, I have been trying to buy a hula-hoop for a week and can't find one. I went to Target and Toys-R-Us. I refuse to go to Walmart. I want to get a hula for Tallulah. I want to teach her to jump through it. Because I am a sad, sad little man.

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Someone else wanted to know if Marvin had any active blogs but he said no. Also, Lynn wanted to know where I saw Marvin and me in 10 years, and I hope not at Walmart. Marvin says he sees us in 2019.

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Oh, and a couple people asked me about TV shows and as you know I am not that up in the TV viewing. But we are obSESSed. Ob.sessed. with Mad Men. We are caught up on the first two seasons and are dying dying dying for season three to start.

And as for books? I am not reading those vampire-y books everyone is reading, but Olive Kitterage was really good. Go read it.

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Oh! And what I would consider a day of pampering? A day where THE PHONE DID NOT RING ALL DAY.

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Also requested, of course, was that I put up a picture of Henry. Here.

Hen

Seriously, he is gigantic. Tallulah is apparently doing her Monet impression.

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And Jan, re your request, my father didn't put my childhood cat Shadow to sleep on my birthday, which makes it hard for me to tell the story of him putting her to sleep on my birthday. But that would have been awful. Like, leaving-someone-at-the-marathon awful. No, he put her to sleep on some RANDOM day when I was six, and I am permanently scarred. She was a beautiful kitty, all black with long hair. She had some illness, but that was NO EXCUSE if you ask me.

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And finally, I don't remember the first thing about The War of the Roses except it looked a lot like our year seven.

Okay! Thanks for telling me what to blog about! This wasn't disjointed at all!

30 thoughts on “In which I blog about all the things you told me to blog about yesterday, and change my name to Fuquay Varina

  1. Season 3 of Mad Men starts August 16th! I can’t WAIT! Did you happen to see Jon (John?) Hamm on Saturday Night Live? He was pretty good!

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  2. Gosh, I missed my opportunity to request a blog post subject! Not sure how that’s possible since I check all my favorite blogs every morning. Hunh! Well, since I missed THAT opportunity, I’m waiting for the answers to the ASK JUNE questions I submitted…..still here…..yep, still waiting……….not going anywhere…….

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  3. Topamax…made me dumber than a post, couldn’t taste anything, but I did lose weight! (god bless chemicals!) Just because I couldn’t function in the normal world they felt like I needed to come off of it…but seriously, who cares when you’re thin??

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  4. Can you at least tell us what turned year 7 into happy year 8? Or “How to fall back in like with your husband who in a previous episode left you stranded in the ghettos of LA with no money, no phone, no purse (why was the purse so important btw?), no coat in a freezing rain storm with hail and sleet and all kinds of impending doom”.

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  5. I am trying to think of what you could possibly have said that made my man Marv take off on you. “Hey, I got us another cat.” comes to mind.

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  6. Oh Hulk… if I wasn’t a married woman I would be beating a path to your doorway…
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    I guess we’re all just happy there was a year 8. And 9. And 10. Oh, you get it.
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    Suit yourself. Refuse to go to Wal-Mart. I’m here to tell you, they have hula hoops in all shapes, sizes and colors. “If you can’t get it at Wal-Mart you probably don’t need it.”

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  7. Jan, my dad says that about Walmart! Seriously, the man LIVES at the Walmart (ok, not literally, but you get my drift). My sister and I get our kicks out of counting how many times we go to the Walmart in a visit with the folks.
    June, thanks for blogging about Tallulah. Signed,
    Juice aka “Someone else” (and no, my feelings aren’t hurt. At all. Really.)

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  8. Hey, I know how to pronounce Fuquay Varina! I also know how to pronounce “Advance”, “Forsyth”, and “Appalachian” PROPERLY…aka NOT the way I pronounced them before I moved to NC.
    I would go to WalMart to get a kitty like Henry, but not for anything less than that.

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  9. Speaking of dead cats, I had to go and dig a hole in my Mom’s back yard last night to bury her favotrite cat ever, Bob White. And it hadn’t rained in 3 weeks so the ground was really hard. It started to rain right after the dirt and grass clods were on top of Bob. And she kept telling me how good I was @ digging holes and maybe I should be a grave digger. WTF, Mom? Oh, and here’s the kicker: It was her BIRTHDAY!! She won’t forget this one, huh?

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  10. You’re such a trend setter. Now hula hoops are 39.95!
    http://www.hoopnotica.com/
    I have to have one and I’m not sure why. I think it’s because IF I plunk down the cash, I will be wearing a bikini while hula hooping with the sun shining on my lustrous, long hair, my toned legs glistening and my gleeful giggle making me seem younger and carefree. I sure hope it works.
    I saw hula hoops at toys r us, but they won’t do any of those things for me.

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  11. Love, love, love your blog! Do you read the Pioneer Woman blog? The reason I ask is that she has a post on July 27th in the Confessions section of her blog titled Purging a Memory that has a picture of YOU in it! Well it totally looks like you anyway. You (or someone like you) is in the front carrying a laptop bag. Did I mention that I love your blog? Really funny.

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  12. Hula hoops at Party City! But hurry… they’re replacing summery hula hoopy things with Halloween! HALLOWEEN. Because it’s July and hula hoops are so passe. Are you sure you don’t want it so you can make Marvin jump through hoops?
    I have to admit…I’m in the camp that apparently feels like if you spill the 7th year marriage beans, maybe we’ll all come out a little more committed to our own. I mean… If Junie and Marvin can do it…YES WE CAN!
    Back in the 90s I was in IT. We used a lot of DOS based formatting and would have to use asterisks a lot. I had a client one day CORRECT me when I told him to type the “asterisk” and said “It’s asterick”. I said “type the star then hit enter”. DROVE ME INSANE EVERY SINGLE DAY.

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  13. My wife loves your blog, and now I do too. I am a manager at Target and love the anti-Walmart sentiment. Sorry about the hula hoops, back to school stuff is here and all children should be reading and not hooping. That would be a lot easier if my son did not have a PS3, but we are working on it.

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  14. I had this really funny random comment that went on and on and I’m sure would have made your Funniest comment of the week, only when I hit publish it disappeared. I think That Furry Godmother actually stole it and is going to use it at a later date to snatch the coveted Comment of The Week from me.
    I’m watching you Furry Godmother. Like a hawk!

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  15. Tallulah sure sleeps a lot. I realize dogs sleep all the time but she is like sleeping beauty in many pictures. I think you should just do an entire post on each of your pets. Love me the animals!

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  16. I am a Target girl all the way, even though I ended up working there for 6 months this past year when my husband was laid off. I STILL love to go there, so that is saying something. Anyway, I was FORCED to go to crappy, stupid Wal-Mart yesterday b/c I was told they had the uniform pants I needed for my son’s school. I ended up calling 911 in the parking lot because some guy was BEATING UP A WOMAN IN HIS CAR!! Geesh.
    I hate Wal-Mart.

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  17. Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if you were checking out the doggie-cam in the middle of the night (just to make sure the jacks were really gone) and you happened to see someone breaking in? On the web cam in the dark? I’m just saying.

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  18. I too avoid Wal-Mart at all cost! However, I had to buy some computer paper (they don’t sell that at Kroger) and in my mad search for the needed paper I saw hula hoops, lots of them. BTW I had one as a child, it was purple and could I hula hoop! Oh yeah, they have my cat’s favorite food at Wal-Mart 19 cents/can CHEAPER than Kroger. I guess I’ll have to make a return trip when Oscar Snuggles, King of Tidewater is out of food.

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