I stayed up till 11:00 last night to watch Mad Men, so you know I have no personality today. I will be brief and to the point. It'll be like a man wrote this. 1) How is everyone doing on The Fountainhead? I am almost done. I have enjoyed it. That's all I'm saying until… Continue reading Mona Lisa in yoga class. It’s just a funny visual.
Faithful Reader Karen sent me these lovely photos of me at Halloween in 1992. Her brother had this annual Halloween party that was to die for. In case you can't figure it out, I was Madonna. And also Dignified. That is my pal Sleeping Beauty's boyfriend at the time, helping himself to one of my… Continue reading Twit
Tallulah: Lula look out window to earn keep and Henry do it too. Otherwise, Big Hair throw us out. Francis told Lula! Believe it or not, I am not going to complain about any physical discomfort today. Instead, I have 7845648784568173495844**475%46f5854redrum!redrum!896-038 topics to cover, and I'm certain this won't be an annoying or disjointed post… Continue reading I got 99 problems but a tooth ain’t one
Have you wondered where I've been all day? Or have you been going about your life, indifferent to my stupid blog? I'll tell you where I've been all day, oh Indifferent One. I've been TRYING NOT TO BARF, that's where I've been! Because it's not bad enough that I had a tooth extracted. It's not… Continue reading It’s a small intestine after all
Guess who has a dry socket!? No wonder it hurt like the dickens. The dentist said I was very tough. He said my mouth looked really painful, and then the part where he TREATED the dry socket? He said most people bust out of the chair, and I only winced. I am tough. Anyway, the good news is… Continue reading This whole dental thing just gets more charming
Tallulah has started humping the cat again. I'd say it's been a good six months since she's violated poor Winston in this fashion, but ever since she got back from boarding at day care last weekend she is back at it. As soon as she starts, Winston wriggles away, and then Tallulah humps the air… Continue reading Hump day
Last time we spoke, I had more teeth than I do now. Because yesterday was a dumb day. My gums were hurting in the back since Sunday, but the general vicinity of the pain was the same place I had gum surgery in 1998. And by the way? You lookin' for a good time? Go… Continue reading Sans tooth
You know how Oprah has that show where she shows you all the things she likes cause she's a billionaire and can afford everything? This is just like that, except for the part where I am poor. I know we all know some of my favorite things already (see above), but here are some other… Continue reading June’s favorite things
Say, before I forget, if you somehow know my real name (because no, it isn't really June Gardens. How many people not age 187 do you know named June?) and have requested me as a Facebook friend? Please leave me a little comment on the request, like, "Hey, June, I read your stupid blog" so… Continue reading Marvin, Don’t Lose that Number
I am off on my "romantic" weekend. Here is a rerun from back when I was actually funny. The maintenance guy at work hit on me today, and it is because I go to the vending machine entirely too much. Jimmy -- that's the maintenance guy, it says so on his shirt -- hangs in… Continue reading Imagine I’m annoying. It’s easy if you try.
Marvin and I will be gone on a "romantic" weekend, so tomorrow I am going to rerun my Yoko post from last year. If you've read me forever, just go find something else to do this weekend. You're Yoko'd out. And by the way, I have no idea how to not get the original comments… Continue reading And if you feel like I do baby, come on. Woooo!
Remember last time I wrote about my Uncle Jim, and his radiologist said there's nothing to radiate? Since then he has had 465747448577394234893 tests and he went to his oncologist today. He's in remission!!!
I write you tonight under extremely unusual circumstances: Marvin is in the other room watching a Clash documentary. I just asked him, "What could you possibly learn about the Clash that you don't already know?" and he said, "I'll find out!" Wouldn't it be nice to be made happy that easily? In the meantime, I… Continue reading Much hairdo about nothing
Clearly I am obsessed with showing you photos from my pink surprise party I threw for myself five years ago. This was the part where I went outside and came back in and made everyone yell, "SURPRISE!" Boy. What a shock. I just had no idea. Do you wonder why I have any friends at… Continue reading In a gadda da vida. Or, five pictures of Tallulah’s tongue.
Before I talk about my hair, which I'm sure you're thrilled I'm going to discuss again, let's talk about tonight's Martha Washington/Ma Ingalls/Annie Oakley evening I had, over here. I got home from work and Marvin was already home, pleased as punch with himself as he always is. I stampeded to the refrigerator, as I… Continue reading We admitted we were powerless
Okay! So Sunday dawned bright and early, as opposed to Sunday dawning at noon, like we're in Finland or something, and I got ready for CHI experience number two. I don't mean that I pooped on my CHI. I mean that, if you'll recall, last time I tried this supposedly miraculous hair-straightening tool that cost… Continue reading Do you know what I am glad about? I am glad people have pretty much stopped saying “chi-chi” when they mean fancy.
If anyone were to ask, "Who is June?" this photo pretty much sums it up. Wearing pink, liking drama, being the center of attention, eating something terrible for me. Yep. I know I have shown you pictures from this pink party before. This was my 39th birthday, when we still lived in LA in my… Continue reading A little butterine never hurt anyone
(In case you missed yesterday's post, I asked people to write in with questions for Faithful Reader Hulk, who is in that teensy minority of male Bye Bye, Pie readers. Hulk comments regularly, and about 17,000 women have written in to say they have a crush on him. So here are their probing questions and… Continue reading Hulk Answers
Gee, it's a shame none of you comment anymore. I kid! As of this writing, I have over 200 comments on my last post, because I asked you all to tell me how old you are. Faithful Reader Accidental Housewife made me an impressive chart showing all of our ages: Right now, we are 39.6… Continue reading Ask Hulk. And his survival pie.
I just spent my normal blogging time watching our last episode of Entourage that we have, so we can return it to the kind people at Netflix. That show makes me homesick for the life I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT LIVE in LA. Cause you know how often I was out partayyin' till dawn and hooking… Continue reading Delurk time!