Please don’t talk about love tonight. Please don’t talk about sweeet love. Please don’t talk about bein’ true. And all the trouble we been through.

Do you know what I wanted to do today when I was deciding what to post about? (And you'll be stunned to hear I decide what to post about as I walk from the bedroom to the computer room after waking up. I know that is shocking, seeing as how tight and organized my posts are.)

I wanted to just write all the words to I Love the Nightlife, I've Got to Boogie. And then just be done, with no explanation. I was getting such a kick out of myself. People would think I've finally flipped my wig.

IMG000479 What if this were a wig? First of all, what sadist would sell it? Well, maybe it could be like a fright wig.

Anyway, I decided not to just write the lyrics to I Love the Nightlife because I had to tell you about my windfall. Remember when I was debating about taking this job a year and a half ago, and I listed all the good things about taking it, including profit sharing? Guess who forgot all about profit sharing!

I didn't think I'd be eligible until next year, but it's THIS year! It's this whole convoluted system, where you get points for how much money you make, plus points for years of service, and then the amount per point varies depending on how the company's doing.

Yesterday they announced how much per point we're getting, and according to my math I am either getting $1417.84 or $3,994,003.02.

My boss, who is similarly an English major, said, "Yeah, I just wait till the check comes and see how much it is." I mean really. It's so complex! Why does it have to be so difficult? Do you like how I'm complaining about getting money I wasn't expecting?

I am putting most of it away because I am obsessed with having a bigger deck. DECK. I said DECK.

But some of it? I am getting that forehead wrinkle filled. I cannot stand that thing. I've had Botox before but to tell you the truth it never did much except freeze up  my face. The WRINKLE was still there. I've been trying to find doctors in my area who are members of the American Plastic Surgery whatever. I can't remember the official name, but you look for a little circle logo on their website. Looks like a tiny onion ring. That's how you know they're good.

I lived in LA a long time, honey. I know from plastic surgeons. And I know this isn't SURGERY. It's an inJECtion. But you can't be too careful. Or filled. Is what I say.

You know what else I say? Ohhhh, I love the nightlife. I've got to boogay. On the disco 'rounnnnd…

37 thoughts on “Please don’t talk about love tonight. Please don’t talk about sweeet love. Please don’t talk about bein’ true. And all the trouble we been through.

  1. Father wears his Sunday best,
    Mother’s tired, she need her rest,
    The kids are playing up downstairs.
    Sister’s singing in her sleep,
    Brother’s got a date to keep
    He can’t hang around…
    Our house,
    In the middle of our street.
    Our house,
    In the middle of our…
    What? I thought we were posting random song lyrics. Am I the only one here? Hello??

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  2. BTW…You know I love you like a sister, but I think I see now why my man Marv is up and gone so early in the morning…yikes.

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  3. i’m confused about the hair… do you really not like it? are there no good salons where you live? or are you like Donald Trump-wearing a bad “do” cause you’re famous & like the attention -owever negative…? do tell!
    ~misschell

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  4. It seems like injections would be such a waste of money unless you can keep doing them. Right before you go to sleep every night you could stretch that wrinkle out real smooth and put some duck tape over it.
    Maybe it would eventually go away! (I’m kind of serious about this suggestion) Pictures are a must if you try this! One of you with the tape on, and one of Marvin looking incredulously at you!
    Going back to yesterday’s post about diets.
    Hulk’s comment cracked me up. Hey Hulk,
    bile called. It wants it’s bitter back!

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  5. Maybe I could come and have my Winston Churchill jowels sucked off my face and they could pump them in to fill in your canyon. There would be plenty left over for breast enhancements and lip plumping, for ALL of your readers. Really where did these jowels come from?
    I love the nightlife, I love to boogie…

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  6. If I had a windfall, I’d be right there with you, saying adios to the apostrophe between my eyes. But I think I actually need a filler and then Botox. Yeah, it’s that bad.

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  7. Save your money for the full-boat makeover when you hit your mid-fifties. Honest to God, I don’t even recognize myself anymore in the mirror – who IS that old lady?!
    And speaking of random lyrics, I have had MJ’s “I’ll be there” trompng through my feeble brain all morning. Could someone make it stop?

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  8. Just make sure that whoever you see about that little river running down the middle of your forehead doesn’t make you look like Priscilla Presley. That girl is sorry looking is what she is.

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  9. Cathy- I think that is the reason that June is looking for the little onion ring symbol on the plastic surgeons websites… Priscilla ( I heard) made the mistake of going to Mexico to get her’s done. Lesson learned!
    FWIW, can anyone tell me how I can get into some profit sharing? Then again I work for the Catholic Church… they tell me my reward will be in heaven… I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

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  10. You must, must, MUST photo essay whatever you do to fill the wrinkle. I have one too – I had Botox a couple of years ago. The wrinkle was gone for a while, but I had some bitchin’ eyelid droop happening for a good six weeks, along with some left mouth-corner sag. I had to tell everyone at work that I had Bell’s Palsy. And would I do it again? Who is more vain than I??

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  11. Your hair is such an encouragement to me.
    I love the boogay song, but I was also wondering what you thought about MacArthur Park? I don’t understand why she’s singing about leaving cakes out in the rain.
    (You may consider that question an entry for the next Ask June or for whenever your mind blanks about what you intended to post.)

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  12. I am all for saving the windfall for the new big deck. And it’s damn nice of you to spend your hard-earned didn’t remember it was there profit sharing $$ on something the whole gang will enjoy using, don’t you think?
    Does the profit sharing thing happen every year? Is there anything you can do to cause the numbers to go up?
    May I just say that you are the bravest woman I know? No way in hell I am sticking a pic of me with morning bed-head on the internet. My hair always looks like at least 2 cats slept on my head, which they have by the by. Instead of singing “Gonna wash that man right out of my hair” I get to sing “Gonna wash that cat hair, dander and spit right outta my hair”. Lovely.

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  13. I’ve had the song from that ding dang wedding video you linked to last week stuck in my brain for a WEEK. 2am…there it is. 7am… there it is. 11pm…there it is! Glad it’s a good song.
    WHATEVER you find to fill the furrow, please share ALL THE DETAILS. My furrow needs fillin’ and I’m at a loss as to who (whom?) /what/where/how.

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  14. One of my friends is married to a plastic surgeon and attended a convention with colleagues from all over the world. She was blown away by many of the foreign plastic surgeons (men) who were totally pimped out with furs and lots of bling.

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  15. Brooke Shields’ plastic surgeon should be canonized. She looks great and not at all Joker-y like poor Priscilla. And remember when Marie Osmond’s eyebrows nearly left Utah without her? Yeech.

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  16. When we get to Ask June, could you further elaborate on the preposition thing? When did this happen? Why? Are we just too stupid for our own good and have to butcher our language to death?!

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  17. I really would like to try Botox because my wrinkled forehead makes me look I’m worried all the time, but I’m afraid Botox would make me look like I’m perpetually surprised. Which would be better, for people to think I’m overly concerned or overly interested?

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  18. I was swimming in the deep end of the gene pool on the day I picked “brow furrowing”. My dad never had one and that’s the one I got. You could plant potatoes in my mom’s.
    Now I just hope “smooth brow gene” is not DNA married to “Bi-polar disorder”. Fingers crossed!

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  19. I was swimming in the deep end of the gene pool on the day I picked “brow furrowing”. My dad never had one and that’s the one I got. You could plant potatoes in my mom’s.
    Now I just hope “smooth brow gene” is not DNA married to “Bi-polar disorder”. Fingers crossed!

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  20. I was swimming in the deep end of the gene pool on the day I picked “brow furrowing”. My dad never had one and that’s the one I got. You could plant potatoes in my mom’s.
    Now I just hope “smooth brow gene” is not DNA married to “Bi-polar disorder”. Fingers crossed!

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  21. Somebody’s gonna hurt somebody before the night is through
    Somebody’s gonna come undone, there’s nothin we can do
    Everybody wants to touch somebody
    If it takes all night
    Everybody wants to take a little chance
    Make it come out right…

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  22. I think a deck is the perfect thing to spend your profit sharing money on.
    Hulk, that was a pretty mean burn! I wish I looked as good as June in the morning. You should feel sorry for my husband!

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  23. Re the “wig” you wondered who would make such a think…I wonder who would buy such a thing.
    You’ll notice I have no pictures of myself on my site. So I can talk and talk.

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  24. When I started reading today’s title, I could hear the tune in my head. 80’s (70’s?) lyrics, profit sharing, Botox and big decks are very fun topics to discuss.

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  25. I would like to try the Botox treatment, but what do you do with the bottom part of your face. My friend gets Botox, but the bottom part still looks old, wrinkled and sagging.
    Good plan for the deck with all that windfall profit!

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  26. Muskrat, muskrat candlelight
    Doin’ the town and doin’ it right
    In the evenin’
    It’s pretty pleasin’
    Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam
    Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
    And they shimmy
    And Sammy’s so skinny
    And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
    Singin’ and jingin’ the jango
    Floatin’ like the heavens above
    It looks like muskrat love
    But I digress…..

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  27. I only tell you this because I know you have a healthy ego. You can take it.
    My skinny teenaged boy child, GameBoy? He walked into the room while I was reading this post, jumped back, and said, “OMG, who’s the creepy lady?”
    I snorted coffee all over the place.
    Usually, he just thinks I am creepy, so I appreciate your taking a turn for me.

    Like

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