Ask June. Back and better than ever.

Really, it's kind of the same and not better than ever. I just wanted to be honest with you.

But hey, before we begin, let's throw in the Obligatory Henry Shot:


Who's my little fuzzy kitten head? Who is nice when he's asleep and a total ass patty when he's awake? Is it our Hen Hen Hen of Hen-y town?

Let's depart from Hen-y town and pad on over to the questions.

Patty asks, When I write an e-mail to someone and say something like, "Just wanted to say hi," I never know whether to put the "hi" in quotes. Technically I guess I'm SAYING "hi," but it looks so dorky to type, "Just wanted to say, 'hi.'" Your thoughts?

Dear Patty,

I'm just answering to say "no."

Yeah, really, no. I mean, it's overkill. When I proofread depositions, court reporters were forever wanting to quote stuff like that. But keep in mind I worked with one reporter who wrote "pre-Madonna" when she meant prima donna. So I pretty much ignored what the court reporters wanted and did my own thing.

Hmm. I wonder why I kept losing court reporters as clients…

Denise, who's over there in Las Vegas just whooping it up, wonders, It isn't "less calories," is it? I think it is "fewer calories." Likewise I heard something today about an "amount" of people. Do they mean like 2 tons of people? It should be "number" of people.

I cannot recall if I told all of you that I wrote to one of the cable channels because their credo is "More Movies, Less Commercials."

See, it's stuff like that that makes me never want to watch that channel again.

You use the word "fewer" with stuff you can actually count one at a time. Like commercials, or words, or calories. You use "less" with those gassy nebulous items that you can't count one-by-one, like oxygen, or stuff, or crap. 

And THAT is why it should be "Ten items or fewer" at the grocery store. You can count how many items you have. But seeing as I'm always behind that heifer with 27 items in the express lane, maybe not everyone CAN count their groceries.

As for your deep concern about the amount of people over at your slot machine, Denise, according to Merriam-Webster, "amount" means the total number. So I think it'd be okay to say the amount of people. Am I wrong? Does anyone know something I don't? I mean, in general. Tell us what you know that I don't. Do you know how to change your oil? Do you know how to get the dog to stop pulling at her leash? Do you know how to go under water without plugging your nose?

I don't know any of those things.

Getting back to Denise in Las Vegas, do you get sick of everyone thinking you gamble just because you live in Las Vegas, Denise?

What are the odds I'm gonna leave this topic alone?

Okay, I guess I have Asked June enough. But before you go, please note that I did go to Anthropologie tonight and buy that perfume I talked about in my last post.


So, did anyone notice that I kept calling it Vanilla Bourbon and yet bourbon is nowhere in the title? I think Vanilla Bourbon is my old OLD vanilla perfume, the one I wore in the '90s in Seattle. Or maybe I just drank a lot of bourbon. I don't know, dawg.

Anyway, delighted to have my vanilla-not-bourbon perfume back in my home. And who is jamming out to my Love's Baby Soft?

Okay, here goes June. Trying hard. But soft will make his lovelight shi-i-ine.

No, wait! (Oh, dear. I'm like that guest who won't leave.) I did want to say one more thing about yesterday's post, where we all said what our heaven would smell like.

Years back, someone did a survey about what smells remind us of our childhood. People born in the '20s and '30s said hay, grass, rain, stuff like that. People born in the '60s and '70s said crayons, Play-Doh, new dolls. All our scents were manufactured. So many people yesterday said their heaven would smell like crayons. It reminded me of that survey.

Okay, really leaving now.