Ask Hulk. And his survival pie.

Gee, it's a shame none of you comment anymore.

I kid! As of this writing, I have over 200 comments on my last post, because I asked you all to tell me how old you are. Faithful Reader Accidental Housewife made me an impressive chart showing all of our ages:

June Right now, we are 39.6 years old, on average. Of course, this is highly scientific, seeing as I had about 1,200 readers yesterday and only 200 people gave their ages. But whatever. You want science, go read Darwin's blog.

I wonder what Darwin would call his blog. Bye Bye, Survival Pie!

That made no sense. At all.

Other than the exciting news about our average age and that we got to meet lots of lurkers (hi, lurkers! Thanks for coming out yesterday! I wrote a lot of you back so check your spam!), someone did come up with a BRILLIANT idea. And don't get all offended, whoever you were, that I am calling you "someone." You really want me to comb through all those comments to see who it was? You want combing? Go on Rapunzel's blog.

Bye Bye, Tower in the Sky!

The BRILLIANT idea is this: We have Ask Hulk day.

If you don't read my comments, you're all, Who the Sam Holy Hill is Hulk? And see, this is why if you don't read the comments you are silly in the head.

Hulk is a boy, and my old friend from high school. We were in journalism together. After high school, we only saw each other one time, and that was at a wedding reception. We were having so much fun that we moved on to a bar, which I'm certain was a good idea and probably deeply needed. Cause it was important that we go PAY to drink and hear a bad band.

At any rate, we were having a high time until my on again/off again boyfriend walked in with another girl. Oh, the drama! The purse throwing! The tears!

Thank all that is merciful Hulk recalls nothing of this night. Because ridiculous? Yes. Yes, I was. Plus, I never thought he'd forgive me for throwing his purse.

So, that was 1988, and this year Hulk and I found each other on Facebook and he comments on my blog and all the ladies in the house are bringing their milkshakes to his yard because WOMEN LOVE HULK. He is funny, he is divorced, and I totally have June's Blog and Adultery Services, over here. Seriously. Like, four different women have admitted they have crushes on the Hulk.

And other than his green skin and ripped trousers, he is a fine figure of a man.

So, ask your Ask Hulk Qs today. You could ask him probing Qs about his divorce, or what it was like to watch me throw that purse (which he doesn't remember), or what my hair was like in high school, or what he's looking for in wife number two, whatever. I will gather questions over the weekend and he'll answer next week.

I will leave you now with Marvin's favorite line: "Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends."

I am sorry to tell you that he really does love that line. But that's not what I meant to say. I MEANT to say I will leave you with pet photos, including everyone's favorite little obligatory, Henry.

Sentinel

Okay, I know this isn't Henry. I just wanted to show you Lula in her element. Someone must have told her that she has to guard the front yard in order to keep living here. She is obsessed. That arm of the couch is filthy from her constant leaning on it, like some fishwife hanging out a window.

I do not know if fishwives really hang out windows. But you know how in movies there's always some wisecracking person in Brooklyn hanging out a window? I mean, not in EVERY movie. It would have made no sense in, say, Jaws. But a fishwife might have made sense in Jaws. "I'm sick of that shark eating my fish husband and all my fish kin! Get him!"

Honestly, do you worry that I take drugs?

Bigfran

HERE we go. It's hard to fathom that Francis used to be SMALLER THAN HENRY. It's hard to fathom that Francis used to be smaller than Mama Cass.

Okay, bye, you 39.6-year-olds.

*UPDATE* It's Saturday morning and I have been working for an hour to get all the Ask Hulk Qs and As onto my blog. So, no more Hulk questions for now, cause I'm about to go to print! How much do you want to whack me for saying "go to print"?

58 thoughts on “Ask Hulk. And his survival pie.

  1. 1. I log on at o-dark-thirty (EST) daily to check my favorite blogs, yours included, and sometimes I find I’ve missed a posting of yours. I totally missed the ‘tell your age’ post. I’m 52, so I am always amused by your crazy dated references. Not that you, or anyone you know, has actually dated your references.
    2. I am forever a Team Lula member. Thank for the pick.
    3. Ask Hulk “Is green the new black?”

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  2. Dear Can’t-Remember-A-Thing-I-Wrote-From-One-Blog-Post-To-Another-Maybe-I-Do-Need-To-Take-My-Meds-After-All June:
    Please Ask Hulk to tell us about the pet psychic. Unless he doesn’t remember that one either because you hit him in the head with that purse.

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  3. I would like to ask Hulk if he lives in MI and is looking for a date! I’m trying to set my Mom up with someone and she loves funny green men 🙂

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  4. Hooray! At my real age of 53, I totally embrace my average age of 39.6! Of course, my imaginary age is even younger, but 39.6 will certainly suffice.

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  5. I didn’t tell you my age yesterday, because I just knew one of your brilliant readers would do some math and find our average age, and since the average age beats my age by a few years, I’m going with it.

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  6. KW here, and it was I who came up with the
    “BRILLIANT” idea of Ask Hulk day. You are welcome Hulk.
    Also, your age graph left off Virginia who is 85 yrs. old!! So you have readers that range from 19 to 85. Cool.
    Please ask Hulk this: How old is your little girl, and what is the hardest thing about being a single dad?

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  7. Some of my questions for Hulky are not suitable for a blog for 19-85 year olds… Yes, I am one of the readers who is crushing on the Hulk.
    Tell me Hulk… what is your favorite feature of a woman?
    What happened with your marriage? (If you don’t mind sharing.)
    Do you watch football? If so, who is your favorite team?
    Oh and June? “…all the ladies in the house are bringing their milkshakes to his yard…” Who kills me?
    Hulk… do you watch chic flicks willingly? Are you excited about the opening of The Time Travelers Wife tonight?
    How old is your daughter? Is she a Jonas Brothers fan?
    That is all for now… back with more later.

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  8. I have two furbabies, too (well, really? they’re knuckleheads, but for the sake of being friendly…)I often post about them. I’m glad I’m not the only one.
    No question for Hulk, because we’ve only just met. I’ll wait to hear all his answers and then see how deep my love grows. Unless of course, he posts a picture of himself (sans shirt) and then love would have nothing to do with it.

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  9. Dear Hulk,
    Have you ever had a hernia? If so, what did it feel like? If not, what do you know about hernias?

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  10. Ask Hulk: Did you give yourself the Hulk moniker or did someone else come up with this? And either way… does it describe how easily you’re angered or your physique or just an admiration for Lou Ferrigno?

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  11. De-lurking today, read the blog yesterday via blackberry but can’t comment on that ding dang thing — I’m oh so close to the average age, just 1.6 years away from it, and love love LOVE the ADHD blogging of June. Please update us on the next CHI attempt, although I have to say that I love your voluptuous hair!

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  12. Dear Hulk,
    What is your favorite event in the Olympics? Why? (You do watch the Olympics, don’t you?)
    Who is your favorite actor?
    What is your favorite TV show?
    Do you play any sports?

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  13. WTF! Where is the ask June?!!?!!!?!???!? I’m desperate for you to explain the whole “it’s ok to end sentences with prepositions now” thing. And, yes I guess I could go research it, but it wouldn’t be FUNNY when I researched it. Didn’t you know that that is your niche? Giving us editorial advice while being funny! That’s June! Woohoo! With her orange pen!
    OK, so Hulk, please explain (in a funny way) why it is now ok to end sentences with prepositions. Let’s see how he does with THAT one.

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  14. I vote for June for comment of the week.
    all the ladies in the house are bringing their milkshakes to his yard…
    Plus, I never thought he’d forgive me for throwing his purse.
    Making me snort over here!
    Okay, who is he?
    Go get yourself some M&Ms June.

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  15. i’m amazed at what posts make people comment. one of my highest commented on posts was when i asked what bathroom cleaner people used. oh and i’m 39. something by the way which means your statistical science is right on the money.

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  16. Marvins fav line is now MY fav line. I just have to say it on my head enough to remember to put it out there at the most opportune moment.
    Sad…it’s just a line.

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  17. I have an Ask Hulk question:
    Hulk, would you please describe yourself? Those of us married ladies out there who are digging on you would like to know what you look like!
    Also what is it that you find most attractive in a woman?
    Thanks, Hulk.

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  18. June,
    “All the ladies in the house are bringing their milkshakes to his yard”…HILARIOUS!!! One ay soon you will be making $40,000. a month like Dooce and you and Marvin can retire and live the high life!!
    Hulk should really have his own blog. But maybe it will start with this and one day we can all say, “We knew Hulk when…”
    I think the ladies have already asked some great questions. I will just wait with bated breath for his answers. 😉

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  19. I loved reading all your comments yesterday. I noticed that most of the Lindas (boy was that hard not to put an apostrophe in there) are my age. Apparently Linda was the Mackenzie of the mid-1950’s (was that apostrophe right? – I am so paranoid now).
    Hulk – why would any woman in her right mind divorce you? Was it one pair of underwear on the floor too many, or one “Honey could you get me a beer since you’re in the kitchen already cooking my dinner, and by the way, I’m out of clean socks” comment too many?

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  20. No questions for Hulk today; just comments about the cats.
    I knew Francis was “full figured” but damn that boy is BIG! I once had a female cat named Frances. Just from watching her go about her business, we came to the conclusion that she drank. Alot.

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  21. I forgot to read yesterday, but my age is 37.
    Marv’s fave line reminds me of the line Drivin’ and Cryin’ used to end a concert: “Life is too cheap to drink short wine. Goodnight everybody we’re Drivin’ and Cryin’.” (Does anyone else remember them?)
    And June, I really think you need to embrace the curl. It will make your life so much easier. I straightened my hair for 5+ years but have now seen the light. Try it, you’ll see.
    Speaking of seeing the light: Dear Hulk, do you attend church?

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  22. I’m back… Hello again Hulk. What do you think about all of us married women crushing on you?
    What do you think our husbands would think about us crushing on you?

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  23. Lots of great questions for the Hulkster; can’t wait for his response. No pressure or anything.
    I normally read your posts in my google reader, but from now on I must read from your blog because the comments are too good to miss.
    Also? Last night I stayed up too late to begin reading your blog from the beginning of time trying to find the ‘gas episode.’ Sad, I know. Still haven’t found it, but boy are you funny. And, I had to go to work today, all miss fancy pants dressed up for the teacher orientation, on five hours of sleep.

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  24. Are we sure Lula isn’t humping the arm of the couch? I wouldn’t blame her if she did, it’s a nice couch.
    You really couldn’t have chosen a better way to see your boyfriend walk into a bar with another woman… you were with another man. How great is that?!
    And I’m so glad there’s somebody out there who’s as numbers OCD as I am. I mean, I don’t know that I’d have actually admitted that I took the time to chart somebody’s readers’ ages… but I might have done it and pretended I didn’t.

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  25. Junie, are you looking into a mirror and saying, “They like me. They really like me!”? Cause we really do and are totally obsessed with you. And Marvin. And Lula. And Henry. And Winston. And Francis. And now Hulk. And your usual gang of groupies. And…..
    Yea, I’m sure the punctuation is waaaay wrong, but I’m not an editor. Just a secretary. 🙂 What do I know about punctuation?

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  26. June,
    Ask Hulk: I’m divorced, too, and I wonder if a man might find a slightly agoraphobic, shark-week lovin’, regular looking mother of two children attractive…or do things need to change? (Obviously, NOT with the having of the two children!)Is it about looks? What’s the deal (or deal breaker) – I’m very happy on my own (TRULY!) but if a nice man came along, who am I to say no?
    June – stayed up half the night reading the bye bye buy blog – holy crap is that funny. How much did you end up saving including hte taxes…the bar is gone on the side.

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  27. And this because I enjoy tattling on myself here in this very blog, I do. I ate magic mushrooms once with a couple of friends in the early eighties and none of us could put our feet on the floor. The greenish blue shag carpet was seething with sharks.
    Well, that’s what we thought. I had to go to the bathroom really badly, too. Stupid drugs.

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  28. And this because I enjoy tattling on myself here in this very blog, I do. I ate magic mushrooms once with a couple of friends in the early eighties and none of us could put our feet on the floor. The greenish blue shag carpet was seething with sharks.
    Well, that’s what we thought. I had to go to the bathroom really badly, too. Stupid drugs.

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  29. And this because I enjoy tattling on myself here in this very blog, I do. I ate magic mushrooms once with a couple of friends in the early eighties and none of us could put our feet on the floor. The greenish blue shag carpet was seething with sharks.
    Well, that’s what we thought. I had to go to the bathroom really badly, too. Stupid drugs.

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  30. Left off the very, very scientific age graph are Othermama and I. We should have fallen somewhere between 64 and 68, because I was vague about my exact age (during the War — you have to know US History to figure out that one) and OM was specifically about the same age? I’m also sure I saw at least one 19 year old. Accidental Housewife did a credible job for someone who is upside down most of the time on the other side of the world, and trying to take care of an infant while she counts and types.
    Also, ask the Hulk what happened to our Team buttons, or was that just pretend?
    I think I’ll start a meme for Friday Grouchies.

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  31. Yay – I am the age of your most frequent reader!
    Dear Hulk – I thought you were Hulk like Hulk Hogan – you know, all tan and blonde? Which Hulk are you?

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  32. I was just wondering if Hulk minds that I am the only other man in the world who reads June’s posts? I had to find out what all the hysteria was coming from my wife as she read the posts. Now I have filled my cup with June Kool-Aid. The only things I refuse to do as of now are wear vanilla bourbon perfume or bring Hulk any milkshakes.

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  33. Darn, I missed the age post, too. I’m 27, still in my lurker prime. Oh, and I don’t think you use drugs. My blog gets a little random at times, too.

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  34. I see that the age 65 cohort is empty, no takers, land of the Social Security averse. Guess I’d better fess up and claim it. I’m 65, although prob’ly too late to add in the Medicare crowd, huh? And I’m not answering any more questions neither. Don’t ask. Won’t tell.

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  35. This has nothing to do with anything being discussed here but I feel obligated to share with you that my children have recently acquired a tiny yellow & white kitten named Tiger. Except I find myself constantly referring to him as Henry.
    Get out of my head, June!

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  36. I think I’m upset that I’m on the older side of average. It’s making me drink a lot of wine tonight, so I do not care. Look, drunk and no typos. How impressive is that?

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  37. Wow, I’m in the majority for once. Do I think you are on drugs? No. If you were I wouldn’t be able to follow your ramblings and I can follow your ramblings which make me laugh sometimes even out loud and I think you are really hysterical in a very real way and I look forward to your posts more than any other blogs I read and that’s the truth.

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  38. Okay dokie all you scientific count-y type people, lay off me! I only included the first 140 commenters on the graph, so if you were tardy? Too bad! I know it’s a kind of skewed demographic cross section but seriously, my baby only sleeps an hour a day, so it was then or never.
    I guess the title should really be “People who read June so incessantly they are able to comment in the first hour of a new post”.

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  39. Hey, Accidental Housewife, I love your skewed demographics. Here I am, up and looking for a new post. Yes, I was in the first 140 commenters, why do you ask?

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  40. Well, it’s good to know I’m part of the average, well kind of, since I’m into celebrating anniversaries of my 39th birthday. Oh well, so much for averages.
    Loved the photos of the fur babies. I couldn’t believe Fran, he’s HUGE, well compared to little Henry.
    I don’t see a comment from Hulk. What’s up with the silence?

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