A little butterine never hurt anyone

If anyone were to ask, "Who is June?" this photo pretty much sums it up.

Me

Wearing pink, liking drama, being the center of attention, eating something terrible for me. Yep.

I know I have shown you pictures from this pink party before. This was my 39th birthday, when we still lived in LA in my favorite apartment, ever. I had a surprise party for myself. Don't tell me!

Do you know when I sent out invitations saying just that, one of my friends actually went to great pains to not tell me? I have no idea what she was thinking, but you give her an order and she follows it. She would have made an excellent Nazi.

Everyone who came to my party had to wear pink. I had party favors where I took those big, thin, tall candles in a glass, the ones that usually have pictures of saints on them? And my friend superimposed my face onto a 1950s picture of a woman cooking a whole chicken. The candles said, "I survived June's dinner party." For years after I would go to people's houses and see that dang candle everywhere.

One of my neighbors from that neighborhood just told me last week that she still HAS that candle.

Do they sell those candles at the grocery store everywhere, or is that just an LA thing? I have to say I have never looked for them here.

I have no idea how I got off on that tangent, other than that I found this picture.

I am getting ready to CHI my hair again. I went back to the store and got a round brush, cause you all told me to, and styling product, ditto. I sniffed the CHI styling products and my throat closed up. You know how I am allergic to everything.

Anyway, I will show you pictures tomorrow. Gives you something to look forward to.

Oh! And since we're nowhere near the topic? Making those M&M's to give to the comment of the week? Would cost $130. There's a minimum purchase. Sad.

In  non-M&M-related news, Marvin and I are beside ourselves today because the season premiere of Mad Men starts tonight. We are ridiculously thrilled about this. Marvin wishes he were Don Draper. He so isn't. But I am no January Jones, so there you go.

Marvin and I watched the worst Lifetime Television for Ovaries movie last night ever, Last Exit. And I understand that "worst" and "Lifetime movie" are redundant. But this one made NO SENSE. All we did was watch two women go about their days, mostly in their cars. We kept waiting for something to happen.

We wanted to stop watching, but then we became determined to see if SOMETHING would happen EVER.

After it was over, I said to Marvin, "I have three words for you: butterine."

Marvin and I sat through an old movie once, where the entire plot was everyone wanted to open a butterine factory. We were both all, what on God's green earth is BUTTERINE? And they never told us. It got to the point where every time they said "butterine," we were hysterical.

Turns out butterine is another word for margarine. And you know how you've clamored to open your own margarine factory.

And speaking of fooling Mother Nature, I will go work on my hair now. Good day, sir.

28 thoughts on “A little butterine never hurt anyone

  1. LOVE Mad Men. Thanks for telling me the show starts tonight! I had no idea. That show makes me want to smoke (never tried it), drink martini’s (hate alcohol) and wear really cute pj’s. 🙂 Is it wrong that my favorite thing about that show is the clothes, especially the pj’s?!

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  2. Ding dang it! No M&Ms! I’ll be hornswozzled!
    Surprise party for yourself. You crack me up, girl. And yes, they sell the santos candles here in Memphis at Abe Schwab’s on Beale Street and all of the Latino/Asian markets where I buy the most interesting vegetables in my pantry.

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  3. Ding dang it! No M&Ms! I’ll be hornswozzled!
    Surprise party for yourself. You crack me up, girl. And yes, they sell the santos candles here in Memphis at Abe Schwab’s on Beale Street and all of the Latino/Asian markets where I buy the most interesting vegetables in my pantry.

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  4. Ding dang it! No M&Ms! I’ll be hornswozzled!
    Surprise party for yourself. You crack me up, girl. And yes, they sell the santos candles here in Memphis at Abe Schwab’s on Beale Street and all of the Latino/Asian markets where I buy the most interesting vegetables in my pantry.

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  5. “Lifetime Television for Ovaries”…OMG, I laughed so hard, I spit out my coffee. Its official, I want to be June when I grow up. Even if it means I have to go through a whole Chi-learning curve again.

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  6. They do sell those candles here, as well, Junie. We have a huge population of Brazlian and Dominican peeps, so I think that’s why.

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  7. Your story of the butterine movie reminds me a little of MST3K. Have you ever watched those movies? I think you would love them! They’re available on Netflix. And also we have “Manos, Hands of Fate” which we’d be happy to loan you if you’re not a netflix member. But you should be a netflix member, because it’s great!

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  8. They sell those candles in my grocery stores, in the Latino aisle. Every time I see one from now on, I’ll think of you.
    I felt the same way about the movie “The Hours”. Mr Hyphen and I looked at each other and said “Well, there are 2 HOURS of our lives we’ll never get back.”

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  9. I love your pink princess party idea. I may borrow it because I am such a follower (get it? I am a follower? of you?) Never mind.
    I am going to get a shirt made that says:
    Birthday girl
    Feel free to worship me
    Because I will be 40 and it’s all downhill from here. Or is it uphill?
    Good luck with the Chi.
    I use the Chi serum on my hair and love it but I would hate for your eyes to swell shut. As long as you have good hair though, it is ok, right?

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  10. I’ve never heard of Butterine, but I’ve heard of Chive-o. I think it’s a sour cream substitute with chives. When I was growing up and would dine at my best friends house- her mom would always offer “have some damn chive-o” when you asked for sour cream on your potato.

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  11. My husband and I started watching that movie last night too! It was so ridiculously stupid, we had to change the channel. I’m glad to know that we didn’t miss anything since I confess that I was wondering if maybe it was going to become interesting at some point.

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  12. That picture is priceless. If I show that picture to my 8-year-old, she will think you are the coolest grown-up ever. She will probably want to leave home and move in with you…as I am clearly a bore.
    Also, I’ve been thinking that when Oscar season rolls around, you need to have a big bloggy Oscars party. I have no local friends who love the Oscars like I do so I’m thinking if anyone can cook something up that’s fab and fun, it’s you.

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  13. Go over to Courture Allure and read her fashion post on Mad Men.
    I so love Don and so detest Duck.
    I wish I were Joan but I’m not even Peggy. I’m Betty’s next door neighbor’s ironing lady.

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  14. Oooh, you would have liked the Diva event some friends had as a fundraiser for the Breast Cancer 3-Day. You were required to wear pink or you had to pay extra to get in. The kid in charge of the tickets was doubtful of my pinkness. I had to point out that I was wearing a pink headband and jewelry (which I had dug out of my childhood jewelry box) and had painted my nails pink. Small child, I do not DO pink and this is all I have!
    I still feel like a feminine fraud whenever I wear the lone shirt I have in a coral shade.

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  15. When we were on our honeymoon the power went out in the small town we were in. For hours. As it aproached nighttime I decided we should go to the grocery store up the road and look for a Jesus candle. “Every grocery store in CO should have one of those” I thought. Couldn’t. Find. One.

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  16. Do you have a touch of A.A.D.D.? Have you seen those commercials for that new search engine, where the actors are parodying Google by going quickly from subject to subject with just the skinniest thread of connection between them? Everytime I see it, I think of you and laugh…but not as hard as I laugh every morning when I read your posting.

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  17. Our old neighborhood had a little convenience store that we called The MexiMart because it was stocked with almost entirely Latin goods, including Jesus candles and candles for any other saint you might feel like setting ablaze while you ate queso fresco and burritos purchased from the two Pakistani dudes who ran the MexiMart, which was right next to a Chinese restaurant and catty-corner to a store that just said IMMIGRATION ATTORNEYS. What a bangin one-stop-shop that strip mall was!

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  18. Grocery stores here in NC have those candles. I’ve bought them a couple times in post-ice storm desperation when all the regular candles have vanished from the stores. They don’t put out nearly enough light to do any good, and I feel vaguely sinful using them for emergency purposes.
    Lindy in the comment above: I’m picturing your friend’s mom (with the damn chive-o) as looking and sounding like Napoleon Dynamite’s grandma when she tells him to make himself a “dang quesa-diLLa”.

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  19. Let me tell you who is apparently allergic to everything – my dog! I took her out to do her business yesterday morning, she came back in, and her furry face starting swelling! I spent 4 hours and a lot of money (on my birthday) at the emergency vet so the little princess could get a shot. She is much better now. We are keeping lots of benadryl on hand. Bless her heart!
    I’m going to have to start watching Mad Men so I will know what all the fuss is about.

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  20. I’m so glad that someone else out there hates Lifetime. When I was living in LA, I was hired to do forensic accounting job for a guy who was divorcing his wife, an executive at Lifetime. I was actually able to crack up the attorney and the client by calling it the “Angry Women Network”.
    I should send you a candle with our Lady of Guadalupe on it, she’s supposed to answer all prayers; like the one you send up every time you pick up your CHI.

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  21. That movie. Was it the one about identity fraud? “Identity Theft: The Michelle Brown Story” or somesuch title? It makes me and my husband howl, is incredibly dull, and it is on ALL THE TIME on Lifetime. Husband now records it surreptitiously just to annoy me so it shows up on our DVR list about every few weeks or so.
    The movie plot: Annabella Sciorra steals Kimberly Something Paisley’s identity. A tragedy of phone calls ensues (“But I just put 2 thousand into that account! Okay, I’ll come on down to the bank and work it all out…”) And then I kill myself out of boredom.

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