Much hairdo about nothing

I write you tonight under extremely unusual circumstances: Marvin is in the other room watching a Clash documentary.

I just asked him, "What could you possibly learn about the Clash that you don't already know?" and he said, "I'll find out!"

Wouldn't it be nice to be made happy that easily?

In the meantime, I was supposed to get my roots done today, a task that has become beyond necessary. Because nice white streak in my roots. Pepe LePew is falling in love with me. Tensing Norgay has tried to climb to the summit of my part. I look like I have cream filling. We're talking gray.

And do you know what happened? First of all, I do not know what is going on outside, but I am constantly sniffing and crying, like I am some emo cocaine addict or something. My eyes are burn burn burning and I want to claw them out, they itch so bad.

It was particularly dreadful today and at about 3:00 I started to realize I was getting a migraine. I have read that migraines and sinus headaches are somehow related, although I can tell you they are distant relatives, like Princess Diana and Winston Churchill, because NOTHING hurts like a migraine.

My hair appointment wasn't till 6:00, so I went to Rite Aid and got me some Claritin, even though it's $9,403.92 for ten pills. I thought maybe if my sinuses weren't so bad, the migraine wouldn't be, either.

Mmm-hmmm.

I got to the hair place feeling mighty awful, and guess what. GUESS WHAT! Half an hour later, I am still sitting in the front, reading an Elle (I  love that E. Jean!), and I have a throbbing, crushing migraine AND my eyes are watering and I want to claw them out AND I am nauseated. Plus I have roots.

Why can't things happen on time? I mean, my roots happened on time. But appointments. Why can't they be on time? I am forever showing up places at the prescribed hour, because I am German and also Midwestern, and yet no one else seems to be functioning in a timely manner. WHY? Why can't things be efficient? Am I the only person who resents WAITING HALF AN HOUR to get her hair done?

So I left. It was one of those things where all I could do was hang on till I got home, and then as soon as I was here I went straight to bed with all my clothes on. I woke up at 8:30 spooning Tallulah. Her ear was splayed across the pillow and we were holding hands. She is a good and faithful nurse. I am using her as a footrest as I type this. I guess she is not into the Clash.

Therefore, my roots continue. My head looks like every landscape scene from Fargo

I think I am gonna try to find a new hairdresser. A German one. The BMW of hairdressers. I actually have no idea if BMWs are German or not. Okay, the Volkswagen of hairdressers. That's what I'm looking for.

Before I leave, I offer you the obligatory.

Ornery

Henry will play with anything. Even an unsharpened pencil. He's not choosy. He's easily amused. The whole world is his Clash documentary.

47 thoughts on “Much hairdo about nothing

  1. June, you are so entitled to an apology! I really hate it when other people assume their time is worth more than yours, mine or ours for that matter. If they weren’t forthcoming with an explanation as to why you were cooling your heels then someone should have already called you to apologize and offer you freebies to keep you as a loyal customer.
    I once asked a receptionist what time the doctor was seeing his 1:00 appointments, beings as it was WAY PAST 1 p.m.!! It does drive me batshit when customer service walks out the back door.
    I hope you feel much better real soon.

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  2. Oh I hate the search for a new hairdresser. This causes marital tension for us because if I don’t like my hair, somehow everything hubby does irritates me. I wish Marvin well in this search. Also, I hope you are feeling better.

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  3. Hope you feel better soon. Talking hair dressers, you were, weren’t you. Any hoo
    went to the hairdresser with long hair and asked to get shoulder length hair. No fancy smancy stuff etc. Came out with just under ear length with chunks and layers everywhere.
    I hate my hair and no matter what I do, I can not get it looking good. (In my opinion) it looks like I need a haircut. I mean he cut it so funny that it either needs to be longer or shorter to look good. And I do not look good in short hair—not the length I have now or shorter. So the problem is, do I just look daggy, when I wanted to look smart, or do I go back and say fix this. Only trouble is, it would have to go shorter because of all of the funny chunks he took out. And when i went in I told them I wanted nothing fancy etc because my daughter is getting married new years eve and I do not have time to grow it out again. So I guess they do not listen.
    Feel better soon.

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  4. Oh and if you are wondering how I let him cut it that short. Let’s just say he started at the back and then held the hair up. And you cannot put it back on once it is cut. Can you?????

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  5. Agh, migraines blow! I only get teeny headaches, but Mr Accident gets stress induced skullcrushing pain a couple of times a year. I would normally pay him out for being a nancy boy but you just can’t fake pain like that. So you have my sympathy!
    I am anally retentive about meeting timings. Since becoming a SAHM I’ve discovered that no one gives a rats about the time of women who don’t work. Seriously, if you’re at home during the day it appears to be an open invitation to get dicked around. Everything starts late, ends whenever, and no one calls if they aren’t going to be there on time. INFURIATING!
    I hope you find nice punctual hairdresser who can give a good cut.

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  6. Hope you are feeling better, June.
    I think our furry friends can tell when we feel like crap.I would like to have seen the picture of you and Tula spooning and Henry’s little face is too much. Thanks!

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  7. I love my hairdresser, she is always on time but I doubt you want to schlepp to CT to take care of Mt. Shasta.
    Maybe reiki will help with the headache? If I lived closer I’d come on over…and give you the name & number of my great, on time, covers the roots every time hairdresser.

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  8. Pork gives me migraines. I met my daughter for lunch today and had BEEF brisket not 20 minutes later my head was about to explode and the sun was an evil giant fireball trying to fry my brain. It is now 18 hours later and my head is still throbbing, my eyes are watering and I have a sore throat and the sniffles. Maybe it’s Pork Flu.

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  9. Sorry…one more thing. Is the color “gray” or “grey”? As in, “My goatee could qualify for an AARP card it is so GRAY.” Or, “I have so much “GREY” in my beard it looks like a storm front is moving across my chin.”

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  10. The migraine may have resulted from all that snow on your head. Sorry your head hurts, though. I have only had two of what I thought were migraine-quality headaches. Both times I went directly to bed with a cold rag, but without washing my face or taking off my clothes. It makes my head hurt just thinking about those headaches. Feel better soon!

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  11. Hulk,
    You know how we spell things differently here, as opposed to in England? Like color/colour? In America, it’s gray. I remember it as grAy=America and grEy=England.
    But I am odd.

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  12. Artificial sweeteners, namely Nutrasweet and Splenda, give me migraines. But, the reason I’m walking around now with red, watery eyes, sniffling, etc. is ragweed.
    ‘Tis the season.
    Hope you feel better soon.

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  13. I was diagnosed with cluster migraines. They are the king of migraines. My Dr. said 96% of the cases are in smoking, drinking, type A, MEN! I felt so feminine when he told me that.
    The only thing that ever worked for me were Imitrex (sp?) shots that I would jam into my thigh on onset. Headache would be gone within seconds, no residual pain or nausea. Just gone. Like magic.
    Oh, once when I was having one my husband actually said that he had read that having sex would get rid of a migraine. I puked on him.

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  14. Not to keep hogging the comments here, but about the sex/migraines thing, there is a very attractive woman who works where I work, and she has migraine issues as well. I was joking about that just being an excuse to get out of sex with her husband, but she told me that sex actually DID get rid of the headaches for her…so, being the selfless, company man that I am, I volunteered to rid her of ANY migraines she may get while at the office. I know, always giving, always thinking about the welfare of others, that is Hulk…

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  15. Sorry that you and Topamax couldn’t work it out.
    I hate nothing more than being held captive at the hair salon. I once went in for an appointment around noon and she started on time, but apparently could only cut a section of hair once every half hour. My cut and color kept me there for six hours, and after that first timely cut, there was no opportunity for me to leave without looking like I got part of my hair did. In the end, my hair looked great, and she charged me some ridiculously low fee, and she didn’t last long in the biz. Unfortunately, had she been able to FOCUS, and give cheap awesome haircuts, she’d be a bazillionaire.
    I hope you find a brilliant and prompt hair person.

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  16. Steve- you SLAY me!!!!!!!!
    Hulk- I’m pretty sure he’s gey.
    June- Last time that I had a late hairdresser, she did mine for free, and I hadn’t been out of the house on my own (I was on maternity leave at the time) in longer than I could remember, so I had no complaints. It was like she had given me the gift of sitting around for an hour to read magazines. What with your super-thick hair, I’m sure that hairdresser missed out on a pretty penny to color you, so his/her loss! Did you give up on coloring your hair yourself like you did in the ByeByeBuy days? That’s what I do nowadays.

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  17. OMG, I am going to send you a big ol’ AMEN on the timeliness comment. What is it with hairdressers and time? I am only 30 but I have the curse of the white roots as well. Everyone in my mom’s family went completely white by the time they were 35. I am right on schedule, so why can’t the hairdresser be. She always has an excuse, but an hour behind, really? So anyway, after the whining, I agree.

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  18. June… did your hairdresser apologize and fit you in to her schedule when it works FOR YOU? Did she offer to give you a discount? I don’t envy you the search for a new hairdresser. I think I would have an easier time getting divorced and finding a new husband and father for my children. I’m way more picky on my hairdresser.
    My eyes and ears have been burning and itching and I want to claw them out. I also have a bothersome cough but only in the middle of the night. I don’t want winter weather but I would like for everything to be frozen so I could breathe and not look like I am on meth.
    Hulk you better be carfeul. You don’t want to get slapped with a sexual harrassment lawsuit. When I worked at my real job, my boss asked me if I felt as though I worked in a sexually harrassing department, after a woman quit and sent HR a letter saying the department was rampant with the sexual harrassment. I told him yes but that I liked it.

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  19. Going to the salon is the Zali Lama’s favorite place to go. All the women fawn over him. It takes hours, but he doesn’t mind.
    On the other hand, I do not like the tardiness one little bit. I am notoriously early to every appointment.
    So who else here is in their forties, drives a Mustang, has hair issues, suffers from migraines, is prompt and has a crush on Hulk?

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  20. Going to the salon is the Zali Lama’s favorite place to go. All the women fawn over him. It takes hours, but he doesn’t mind.
    On the other hand, I do not like the tardiness one little bit. I am notoriously early to every appointment.
    So who else here is in their forties, drives a Mustang, has hair issues, suffers from migraines, is prompt and has a crush on Hulk?

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  21. Going to the salon is the Zali Lama’s favorite place to go. All the women fawn over him. It takes hours, but he doesn’t mind.
    On the other hand, I do not like the tardiness one little bit. I am notoriously early to every appointment.
    So who else here is in their forties, drives a Mustang, has hair issues, suffers from migraines, is prompt and has a crush on Hulk?

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  22. Well, Furry, I’m in my mid thirties, drive a silver mini-van, occasionally have hair issues (today in fact, OH THE HUMIDITY or humanity, whatever), suffer from the occasional migraine, am always prompt and YES, I have a crush on Hulk. I think Hulk needs his own blog so June doesn’t have to deal with all of the “I heart Hulk” comments all the ding dang day.

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  23. I am in my forties, drive a VW bug, have hair issues only about 10% of the time, never had a migraine (knock wood), am VERY prompt (also a German from Michigan, and am crushing on the Hulk!
    Sorry about your migraines, Junie. Sounds horrid.

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  24. I had a German hairdresser (named Helga, of course) and I never had to wait for an appointment. Could that lady ever multitask…she’d have one under the dryer, one sitting baking her perm, one getting a manicure/pedicure and she’d be washing/curling/brushing out someone else. I sure miss her.

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  25. When I get on of those sinus-headaches-turneed-migraine I generally take a claritin and advil together. For some reason, you need to double-team it.

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  26. Mmmm. Cream filling. Now I want a Krispy Kreme doughnut with white sugary cream filling. Damn you!
    I, too, hate the waiting. Why make appointments if you can’t get to people around the time of the appointment? It totally defeats the purpose. I have my hair appt this evening, new place, hopefully they don’t make me wait 80 million years.
    Oh, and buy generic claritin, which is usually called loradatine on the box. It’s way cheaper. I get a massive bottle of it at Target because even in dry southern California, my allergies suck.

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  27. June, I’m with chacha – buy the generic claritan. You’re going to need it on the East Coast.
    Also, have you ever thought about letting your hair just go grey naturally? It looks really good on some women. And now that you’ve got the CHI down, you’re going to look bangin’ anyway.
    PS I was always taught that you could spell it grey OR gray. So I just let my whimsy carry me along. But I kept it the same throughout a single document. Because I’d never want to be a proofreader’s nightmare like that. Can’t you also spell it potato or potatoe?

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  28. I am in my forties, drive a mustang, suffer from migraines and have hair issues. Can’t comment on the Hulk crush as I’m just getting to know him. *wink*

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  29. Dear Hulk,
    You are hereby assigned Sexually Harrassment classes starting immediately.
    You will learn the fine art of sexually harrassing your fellow employees. You will be graded on technique and follow through.
    Yours Truely
    Gladys McGuillicutty
    Head Giver of Sexual Harrassment Classes.

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  30. I have been on the search for a new hairdresser for nigh three years. The last one kept me waiting and the whole time she was cutting my hair she talked about how she had no sleep and could barely function.
    My hair reflected it.

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  31. Funny, looking at Henry’s pic, I noticed there’s a similarity between his roots and yours. I think you should just take your cue from him, and go au naturel.
    As Henry knows, white hair is beea-utiful, and a sign of strength, wisdom, and self-assurance. Although…I’ve just bought this thing called a Tween Time Touch-up Stick (Revlon), so I guess I’m a total hypocrite.

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  32. I don’t suppose you could embrace your inner gray? Or grey, whatever works for you. One less thing to be on time for, you get points for simplfing your life, and you don’t have to worry about any ‘new’ studies that hair dye causes cancer (they do that about coffee, which I am not giving up because if I wait five years, there’ll be a new study 180 degrees contradicting the last). Got an interim solution baseball cap handy?

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  33. Love me my hair dresser!! Kimberly at Indigo. I don’t think I have waited more than 5 (ok…maybe 10) minutes ever and she’s funny! Usually I’m early (midwestern and my father’s daughter) and by the time I leaf through GQ looking at all the pretty pictures she’s ready for me.
    Plus she doesn’t let me do anything crazy with my hair…always nicely tells me that the models in the pictures are air brushed, fans are blowing, and they have 20 times the hair I do. (but she’s always so nice about it) God Bless Her….

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  34. UGH! You know what drives me INSANE? When my hairdresser is late and I can tell from the nano second I sit in the chair that they were out back smoking! “Hey, I was too busy smoking to get you in on time AND I’m going to breathe my nasty dragon breath on you.” Apologies if you’re a smoking hairdresser, but seriously!
    And, I have an appointment for Monday afternoon to have my roots done. Cannot wait to wash that gray right out of my hair.
    p.s. hope your migraine is better today.

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  35. I feel the need to stick up for the hairdresser, just to be different.
    What if it isn’t her that was behind schedule, but if the appointment just before June showed up late, thus making June wait? Now the hairdresser just lost June’s money because of the inconsiderate biatch who showed up late and probably didn’t even leave her a decent tip!
    June – feel better. Much better. Then, schedule another appointment for first thing, (Saturday-ish) and have a cuppa coffee in your hand when you walk in. Start your day off right!
    Henry’s white tum is blindingly beautiful!

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  36. Hope you feel better. If you live near a Costco, Kirkland makes a generic Claritin and a generic Benedryl that each come in quantity “manymanymany” and are cheapcheapcheap. I am a 365 day a year allergy gal, so I know these things.
    You’re right – no one is on time except us Germans, those from the mid-west or those raised by mid-western parents.
    I was taught it’s arrogant to think your time is more important than anyone elses – so keeping people waiting is a big no-no.
    The only answer is to ditch the bitch and find someone who does hair in their home,outside of salon hours…or saloon hours, whatever.

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