Sans tooth

Last time we spoke, I had more teeth than I do now. Because yesterday was a dumb day.

My gums were hurting in the back since Sunday, but the general vicinity of the pain was the same place I had gum surgery in 1998. And by the way? You lookin' for a good time? Go out and get you some gum surgery. Because it's as delightful as it sounds.

My beloved LA dentist told me that area would always be sensitive when it felt like it, kind of like Don Draper in Mad Men. Okay, he's never really sensitive, but he's understanding sometimes. My gum area has never pretended to understand me. Have I mentioned I have the worst teeth in the world, despite flossing 78 times a day and having a $2893717 toothbrush?

I tried to ignore the pain as though it were my usual gum Don Draperness, but by Monday night the pain was so bad it woke me up. To which I said, Crap.

So I went in on an emergency basis and it turns out that even if you've had a root canal? And gum surgery? Things can still go wrong. Turns out one of the roots was infected, which, I thought I HAD no roots there. Hence the canal.

My dentist said he really hated to extract a tooth, but this one needed to come out. Which, again, I thought if you had a ROOT CANAL there was no tooth left. I don't understand dentistry.

And I am just saying to you. Have you ever had a tooth removed when you were awake? Because hoky mother of pearl. I just wrote "hoky" mother of pearl by accident and I crack myself up. Anyway, it's intense, is what it is.

Plus, I didn't even get any good drugs. I'm on Advil and Tylenol–yes, both–and that's it. And I haven't taken any since 7 o'clock yesterday and man Polly, quit crying, my mouth hurts.

So that was my fun 24 hours. Eventually I have to go back and have an implant, which is too bad because I thought my chest size was pretty adequate. Seems unnecessary. In the meantime, you can't see that I have no tooth, which is good because the horse look is not one I carry off with any finesse.

Okay, I must go take Tylenol and Advil now.